Another eve of Summer Sun Celebration is here! Hundreds of thousands have watched this spectacular ceremony throughout the years. But only one have seen them all.
Let us talk for a bit about the most important element of the holiday -- the Princess herself.
How she lives, how she prepares for the celebration. What brings her joy and what possibly ails her on a such day...
Short vignette about Celestia filled with adoration. Praise the Sun!
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Good premise, but you need an editor.
It's a nice piece, it does a good job of feeling big, but there's not a lot of good here to make it memorable.
9565764
Can you elaborate a bit?
Saw you wanting some feedback on this story, so, here it goes. I have to say, you have plenty of interesting ideas regarding the background lore of Equestria. One thing you should work on is how to implement it into your stories though, as reading through multiple paragraphs about how Celestia’s carpet was created and why didn’t exactly help the story’s pacing. Furthermore, you ought to decide what the story’s tone is supposed to be. At first it seemed like a hymn to Celestia, then shifted to a more casual way of describing her morning and very abruptly ended with Celestia noticing Twilight. It feels incomplete in a way, like a premise taken out of a much bigger story.
Also, watch out for things such as the example given below as they don’t really match the overall tone of your story.
And then there was a bunch of grammar errors—missing articles and subjects, misused its/it’s and many more. Judging by these, are you Slavic? Just a wild guess of mine, so pardon my curiosity there.
9569278
Thank you for feedback!
I am a bit sad, that you think this is just meaningless. Along with history of other things it was supposed to give a feeling how ancient Celestia is, and how much of impact she caused throughout Equestrian history. And also paint her as sentimental and caring.
How would you personally like this idea to be executed instead?
Well, it is.
I take it that the scene of Summer Sun Celebration didn't give much of impression?
Not at all. It's just that scene from Twilight memories, but from Celestia's perspective.
9569794
These two issues are actually tied and I’ll get to that in a moment. Don’t get me wrong, I like the idea and thoughts behind that carpet bit. However, the problem is that it doesn’t really fit into the context of the story. You start by describing the room and its atmosphere and suddenly shift to a history lesson that spirals out of control and then you shift back to the room again. One thing to remember is to not deviate from topic too much, at least not in such a short span of words. I’m not saying you should always move straight from point A to B, but if you travel through G, S, L, U and @ inbetween these two, it should set off a red flag in your head. (Exaggerating here on purpose.) So, a way to better execute this is basically to pace yourself better. Consider what’s enough to get the idea across and what you can discard. Put it in, though instead of one thick chunk of history, split it into a few more and remind the reader that yes, this is still a tribute to Celestia, before jumping to the next more history-dense part.
Now, to the impact of the Summer Sun Celebration. It is about half the length of the description of Celestia’s chambers. It is really short, so creating the desired atmosphere there is really hard. You just quickly skim through without the reader being able to feel any of the event’s spirit or Celestia’s sorrow. Furthermore, the fact that you spend so many time and words on the room and even the meeting with Raven makes this problem even more pronounced.
I gathered as much. The issue is, it just feels incomplete, not like a solid one-shot, I’m afraid.
9569852
Thank you very much again! I'll try to keep this in mind next time.
9569974
Let me know if you ever need some sort of writing advice.
Glad I could help