You motherfuckingly marvelous bastarD... Extra props for including the comicXD

ALSO, that Dragon-cola line was wonderful

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Thank you! Glad you enjoyed!

Definitely-less-than-thirty years and she's never heard of cougar lovers?

Great start, anyway.
Can't wait to keep reading!

winkin sister UwU’

I wonder what this could reference.

“Sweetie, please. I won’t have any more of your pity compliments. I must away to my tomb-home and await my passing… if I don’t evaporate into dust from the winds of time first.”

Rip. 30... It's straight down from there.

That ending was simply magnificent. Bravo!

Perhaps she should simply go to the Ponyville market-place, lift her tail and beg.

That'd be fun, for sure. Be the town's cumdump for a day, and more than likely end up with an unknown stallion's foal; what better way is there to solve her estrus issue and her lack of a foal?

Sweetie had taken a sip of her maregarita

...Could've easily have been an actual 'mare-garita', but this isn't one of those bars, unfortunately.

I love the little comic punctuating the chapter

with only her cat Opal to give her the barest

morbid thought.... a cat RARELY manages to get 20 years old... Opal may well be on her last leg or even already departed...

‘winkin sister UwU’?”

C O U L D Y O U N O T ?

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Lol

“Sweetie, please. I won’t have any more of your pity compliments. I must away to my tomb-home and await my passing… if I don’t evaporate into dust from the winds of time first.”

I´m dead...that´s it...

Of course, in her own mind, Rarity tried not to fret over this. She would never have been happy as a kept mare, or even in a happy, homely marriage. Nor would she have ever tolerated being in one of Canterlot’s glamour-centric harems… though she did love to read all the latest gossip magazines about the same.

homely = ugly. You probably meant "homey" or "homelike"

I love this!

That little bit of a comic strip right at the end just killed me. That just did it, man. Perfect. The story could've well ended right there and I wouldn't have minded a bit.

“Sweetie!” Rarity chirped. “Really, you mustn't be so uncouth!”
Sweetie Belle waggled her eyebrows. “You sure? Your wagging tail says otherwise… you don’t want details?”

I aggree with Sweetie.
Please, continue with the details. All of them!

“Sixteen inches.”
Rarity’s face flushed a bright red and she covered her mouth with her hoof.
“...and it’s got ridges.’

: *drools*

Rarity could see sweat breaking out on Spike’s face. Quite an accomplishment considering she hadn’t seen him lose a drop of perspiration even when diving into a magma lake.

Well, she seems to be a hot mare...

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UwU what's dis?