Just a guy who found out that a show about talking ponies is a lot better than I expected.
Adagio Dazzle is a wandering singer, drifting from town to town. In the city of Spookane, she comes upon a mysterious mansion, harboring a secret, which brings her together with a fascinating young man.
Crossover with Mother/Earthbound Beginnings. Written for Thought Prism's Ultimate Crackshipping Contest. Aged up Ninten, obviously.
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Hmm. I think my biggest issue is that this just doesn't feel like Adagio. The divergence from the base is so great that the only thing they seem to have in common is a musical inclination. This one just feels like a distressed damsel who the plot drags to where it needs her to be. There's no sense of her driving ambition or self-interest, and barely a hint of her need for adoration. That said, I do appreciate the irony of someone entrancing a siren with a song.
Best of luck in the contest.
9457507
Thanks for the feedback. Maybe I should've gone with my original idea, which would've involved them meeting at a club where Adagio works at an open-mic night, and Ninten sings the completed Melody. But then I thought it'd be cooler to have Adagio be able to find one of the melodies.
I really like the ending! For all that we've not seen much of either Ninten or this rendition of Adagio here, the promise of a capable singer delivering her a magical melody is a wonderful way to sell Adagio's interest in him. That ending left me wanting just a bit more, but in the sense of there being more room to explore this idea, not the story needing more to stand on its own. Her little moment with the piano was a nice touch of character, too.
I will say, though, the descriptions could've been stronger, at times. Ninten's PK Beam and singing were the biggest offenders, I think ('Another yellow glow' is... technically fine, but it doesn't leave much of an image beyond maybe a flashlight; which might be what you were going for, but the way the armor crumbled felt odd to me when the beam itself felt so small).
9491900
Thanks for your kind words. Maybe the descriptions could've been a bit more intense. I was going for the idea that the armor was obscuring Ninten and most of his beam, so the glow was the most visible thing. I don't know, this was an odd story to write.