Shaded Hearts

by Salzpriester

Chapter 4: Serenity

Chester was thrown against the wall with such force, that the very foundations of the building he was in began to shake from the impact. The buck to his side had sent Chester flying across the room faster than he thought possible from just one punch. As his head was throbbing and aching with pain, his blurred vision caught the approch of his pursuer.

Now standing right on top of him, the smartest move would have been to scream for help or to run, yet Chester stood his ground. Not because he couldn’t. He would put up a decent fight if he’d wanted to. But he shouldn’t run or fight back.

Because he deserved this.

“I’m sorr…”, was all he managed to say before he received a crushing blow to the side of his jaw that sent him tumbling on the floor. Recollecting himself, a surge of pain began to flow through his side. Coughing, he spat out blood on the floor as approaching hoofsteps caught his attention.

Daring to look up he saw the familiar visage of the dark grey stallion who once called him ‘friend’. Tears were making a mess out of his face, a white and black mane hung down the side of his head, lifeless and strained. His eyes twisted in between rage and regret. The sight of this made Chester feel millions of needles punctuate his heart from all angles possible.

This was Chesters fault. He did all this to him. He used him. He was the one who broke his heart. He, and he alone is the sole reason that drove him to this outburst of frustration, anger and rage. And now they both got what they deserved.

Chester deserved to be beaten up by him. He, on the other hoof had all the right to beat Chester up. May he take as long as he wanted. Chester would not run.

“Dusk. I….”, he was abruptly stopped by yet another strike to the side of his face. This time however, Dusk sat down on his haunches right in front of Chester and began to rain down a barrage of blows on his face. One from the left, one from the right.

Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left…

Accompained by screams and sobs of pure unfiltered rage and sorrow, Chester heard his former friend slowly break again in front of him. He would do anything to help him. He would endure this punishment for as long as Dusk needed it.

As the sobs grew lounder and the punches weaker, Chester was able to glance up to Dusk. He looked exhausted, at the verge of collapsing. His punches reduced to nothing more than soft pokes, yet he still continued his attempts to strike him with everything he had left.

Moments that felt like an eternity later, Dusks’ forehooves dangled down his sides from sheer exhaustion. Head hung down, tears began to trickle down on Chester, still pinned down by Dusks’ body.

Suddenly, and without any warning, Chester felt something soft touch his chest. Glancing downwards he saw Dusk who had leaned in on him with his face. Exhaustion edged himself into his features as he just sat there. Quiet, limp and lifeless.

Chesters’ entire body ached, countless bruises scarred his face, chest and side. Blood streamed down from his nose and, judging from his most prominent pain source, his right wing was probably broken.

And once again, this was only a quarter of the punishment, Chester should have faced. Because at the end of the day, pain is an emotion, which originates from a strained part of your body. A defensive action from yourself to tell you where the source lies. Over time it fades and dissapears, it may leave a scar but you get rid of it eventually.

But what about the mind? Does a mind feal pain? Sadness, loneliness, insecurity, fear, depression. The body does express these emotions in the same way it does pain. But where your body has the source displayed, so that it can be mended, the mind just screams and wails. Though it can be mended and even healed aswell, the excecution is exponentially more challenging.

Your Body can forgive, but your Mind can’t forget.

***********

Silence ultimately began to spread between the two batponies. All sense of time faded in obscurity as neither of them dared to move or speak. Chester knew that, if anypony, he should be the one to start a conversation because, after all, he needed something from Dusk.

Chester had to close this chapter of his life, or else, he would not be able to live with himself, let alone have a relationship with Cyrax. He knew that he would always think back towards Dusk and feel nothing but shame and hate towards himself because of it.

Carefully picking his words with the amout of ease, somepony who desperately tried to defuse a bomb would display, he immediantly contradicted himself as he slowly reached around Dusk and gave him a hug.

He did not respond. And at this point, it was still the best possible reaction Chester could get from him.

“Dusk. I….I’m sorry. For everything I did. To you. I should have stood my ground. For you. I should have been there. For you. And all I ever did is let you fall like the responsibilities I couldn’t live with at the time.”

“What…”, Dusk spoke up in a scornful voice. “…do you want from me, Chester”. He spat out his name like acid.

“I came here to apologize, Dusk. I want the two of us to go separate ways in peace. Where both our chapters are closed on a friendly note so, if we would face each other again, we wouldn’t hate us forever. I should have done this the day we broke up but I ran away. And though I manged to evade sucessfully, it caught up with me eventually.”

Embracing his hug around Dusk stronger, Chester fought back an urge to sob but found himself overpowered by it almost instantly.

“Please, Dusk. I’ll do anything you want. Anything. But please, Dusk. Please forgive me”, Chester managed to get out before another wave of sobs occupied his mouth.

“Is part of this apology the reason you let yourself beat up by me?”, Dusk said in a neutral voice.

Chester let out a faint “Mhm” that actually got a small chuckle out of Dusk.

“I thought so. And to be honest it worked pretty well. For me at least”, he gave another faint chuckle before slowly getting up on shaky hooves. “Go clean yourself up, you look like a mess. I don’t want any more of your vile blood on my floor. I’ll be waiting in the kitchen. I take it that you remember the way”, he finished scornful.

Fixing his curly, strained mess of a mane, Chester saw Dusk’s mismatched blue and amber eyes glaring down at his own. His current state could be explained similar to a cragadile who just had a feast. Timid and relaxed for now, but you don’t want to be around him when he gets hungry again.

“I’ll make us some tea. A friend of mine brought some exotic herbs from the east and I wanted to try them out. And then we shall talk”. He shot Chester a last glare before trotting off to the kitchen.

Getting up was literal pain as Chester felt every bone in his body. “Great to be alive” they seemed to tell before screaming “AND NOW FIX US YOU STUPID IDIOT!”. Chester happily ignored it for now, got to the bath and cleaned himself as good as he could. His wounds were already healing, so he wouldn’t lose any more blood.

Chester then realized how dizzy he felt. And surprisingly cold aswell. Not freezing cold but a prominent shiver ran down his coat. Probably for the impending talk. Maybe it was him being a chicken or he had a sadistic fetish, hidden somewhere in his body, but for a second he preferred another beating rather then trying to find the right words. It just seemed much easier.

“Don’t you dare back off now, Chester”, his bones said in his mind as Chester gave a confident nod of agreement. Wait, wut?

Making his way towards the kitchen, Chester saw Dusk sit at a table, his hindhooves crossed, a cup of tea in his forehooves and a glare directed right at him. Taking seat at the opposite side of him, Chester steadied himself, swallowed hard and prepared himself for the conversation he had dreaded and avoided for years.

The one that, hopefully, would set their differences aside forever.

***********

The simplest solution to a problem is usually the best and most effective way, yet outright telling Dusk that he came here in order to make up for all the wrongs he did felt like a very bold and stupid approach. Aside from the fact that he did not do this solely to get back to Cyrax without his guilt. That wouldn’t be true.

Giving Dusk the most sincere and honest expression Chester could form with his bruised face, he took a sip from his tea and inhaled.

“Dusk. I fucked up great. Everything that went wrong with us is on my bill. I can see that now. I wish I could turn back time and undo what I did. Because I loved you. I never properly showed it too you but I did. And it was the single most greatest thing about those times. Simply amazing.”

Dusk’s cheeks flushed slightly, to Chesters’ utter surprise before quickly returning to his pissed if somewhat annoyed-curious state.

“And I felt that you did too. Heck, remember the necklace I got from you on our first anniversary. I still have it. To this day. In the second drawer next to my bed. I would’ve carried it but I can’t. I just…can’t. And all these memories, of us…”, Chester leaned back and sunk down his head.

“Fuck…I…I was a moron. A stupid fucking idiotic selfish bastard who broke the heart of the only pony who ever gave me the feeling of truly being happy that I existed. Why did I leave you in the rain. Why didn’t I answer the door when you knocked”.

“Because you were only ever interested in the feeling. You might have mistook that love you felt. Because it was for my body rather than me as a pony. And as soon as it got serious, you backed off. And don’t get me wrong. I don’t blame you for that, but the way you executed it was way bejond being a simple jerk.”, Dusk finished in a chilling tone.

„I know, Dusk. You‘re right. I admit it, okay? I chickened out. I was afraid and...and nervous. I did not know what to do and...and everything just...it was too much for me.“

That sentence did little good in calming him down, instead it made him rise up and slam a hoof on the table with such force that half his tea spilled out.

„Then what was so fucking hard in just telling me. Huh, Chester? Honesty is a virtue. If you would‘ve just told me these words you just said back then none if this here would’ve happened.“

Wiping away the mess on his table, Dusk continued in a sad demeanor. “You know. I’ve waited a long time. For you. I was afraid...nervous. I had no idea what was going on. You didn’t talk to me. Didn’t answer me. ‘Was it me?’, I thought to myself. Were I the reason for your insecurity?”, Dusk rambled, clearly recalling the hurt as much as Chester had.

“You avoided me. When I saw you in the streets you ran away. ‚Why?‘, I kept asking myself. And I struggled with it for a long time, eventually, I just felt used. And ever since that day I began to hate you more and more. But I also blamed myself for being so foalish.“

Guilt crept onto Chester like a supernatural force dragging him towards the ground. Dusk looked heartbroken, every trace of anger disappeared as he sat there and gave him a sad expression.

Every part of Chester wanted to reach out to him and give him the tightest most sincere hug he had ever given somepony. But he just knew that wouldn‘t do any good to either of them.

„I‘m sorry...Dusk.“

He was silenced by Dusk, who simply shook his head.

„Stop it...just...stop, Chester. Please. I loved you too, you know. But as I said before, I don‘t know what part of me you loved, but it wasn‘t ME”. He emphasized the last word by pointing at himself.

“But well, congrats to you for finally seeing that, but at this point it’s far too late. You eventually learned your lesson. At the cost of me but well, you’ve got to think positive, right. Still, all desire that I had for you is lost. Probably for the better.”

He stiffened to a more neutral expression. A judging look came from Dusk as he continued.

„You want me to forgive you? You want us, to settle our differences once and forever, is that right?”, he asked with a scornful subtone.

Chester gave a nod of agreement.

“Well, as much as I enjoyed beating you up, Violence doesn‘t solve anything. But damn did it feel good”, his mouth curled up in a smile. It wasn’t of a comforting nature, that kind of smile that basically said ‘Run for your life!’.

“So what do you offer me as an apology?”, he asked before crossing his forehooves around behind his head as he leaned back in his chair.

Chester, despite feeling physically ill and psychologically violated, was rather relieved that things between them turned out rather nice for now. It also gave him the time to look around a bit.

Ever since he knocked and entered Dusk’s house, he had other more pressing matters to deal with than admiring the interior.

His kitchen was shaped like half a circle, situated more to the left of his house. The neat table they sat at was crafted to fit with the rounded bench along the walls.

“You really decorated it nicely here”, Chester said flatly, earning a raised brow and unimpressed snort from him. Sighing, he got back to the topic.

“Honestly, Dusk. I have nothing. I could give you bits, but that would be inappropriate. I can’t give you your time back and you stated that another beating would be pointless.”

Dusk gave another sickening smile, “Well, I never quite said that, I only said it doesn’t solve things.”, he said, sending a shiver down Chesters coat who proceeded to gulp as a response.

“But to be fair, I do admire it that you finally grew the pair to try and resolve it. I really mean it”, Dusk gave a hint of a smirk before finishing his tea. Exhaling he set the cup down and gave another neutral expression.

“Makes it kinda hard to still hate you.

I still wish to do so and don’t think I’m through with you just now. And don’t you get cocky, I’ll simply play along for now and wage my options, if I shall give you a second chance”, he finished, smirking.

“But if you planned on getting back together with me I must inform you that I’m taken. I found myself a rather exotic stallion. Bit weird from time to time but there’s just something cute about him”, he finished, quite happily.

“Oh, nonononono. I never planned anything like that”, Chester blurted out, “I found somepony special too. Which is part of the reason I finally confronted you. Not that I didn’t plan to at all, but he gave me the last push I needed to do so.“

‘Yeah, after you almost killed him. Exaggerating yes, but not less serious because of it’

“His name is Cyrax. I met him a couple of days ago. Cute little guy, I must admit. Had a lot of fun with him so far. And would you believe he’s a changeling!”, Chester said, booming with joy.

Dusk’s response was nothing like Chester expected as his jaw dropped down, eyes widening to almost cartoonish size. Dusk just stared at him, as if seeing a ghost.

“Y...You too...”, was all he said.

‘Wait, wut?’

***********

Sometimes you wonder how big Equestria really is. On paper, it‘s rather big. There are many pony races present and a vast collection of other creatures aswell. One amongst these pony races are batponies.

Granted, our population is rather small compared to the rest, some even describe us as exotic. Aside from Hollow Shades and some small communities around Canterlot we aren‘t that prominent.

Then there are changelings. According to the stories Cyrax told they are rather big in masses, populating various Hives around Equestria. But overall, they can be described as exotic aswell.

So how high are the stakes of another batpony falling in love with another changeling inside Hollow Shades roughly around the same time?

...

Catastrophically high, so it seems.

...

Both Chester and Dusk just sat there in shared bafflement for the longest time, not believing what both of them just heard.

„W...wait a minute…“, Dusk spoke up, clearly not believing it. „You mean to tell me that you have a changeling coltfriend too?“

„Umm...yeah. Small, orange mane,

makes cute noises when you tickle him. Sadly he had to get home but I really hope we’ll see each other again. Yeah...do you know him?”, Chester asked nervously.

Dusk just stared at him before opening his mouth, „No. No I do not know him. My friend is called Kryostase, but I call him Kryo. He prefers that. Blue maned but he is not ticklish. Not at all. I tried...“.

His cheeks flaring up slightly, he gave a baffled frown and resumed his serious state. „Wait a minute, why am I telling you this. This is...awkward. You‘ve got to be joking. Do you think this is funny?“, he said, starting to get angry again.

„Not at all. I am dead serious“, Chester said with as much sincerity as he could put in his words.

„Well...this is weird...like...really really weird. This world is really small“, Dusk said plainly. Focusing his attention back to Chester he leaned in on the table.

„Soooo, how did you meet each other?“, Chester asked, quite thrilled to hear the answer. Sadly Dusk just shook his head, shrugging the question off.

„I‘d rather not talk about it for now. I could maybe inroduce you to each other someday, but not before we settled things“.

Chester relaxed himself, though they had a rough start, for now it seemed that the tension had finally left both of them. Wasting no more time, Chester elaborated the events of the past three days. Every remnant of thick air has been flushed out in favor of talking about changeling flanks.

...

Of course it didn’t last long. Dusk soon shifted the topic to relationships again. Oh boy...

“So if everything I just heard is correct, I can assume it’s basically the following“, Dusk said, taking a deep breath. To which Chester‘s heartbeat rose in nervousness.

„You met a changeling at a bar who played gay but actually wasn‘t. Still, the two of you met again because you seemed to like each other. Then you went to the same place you took me back then“, Dusk stopped to give Chester a harsh glare.

„Glb...Mmmmm...mmmmaybeee?“, the stallion in question answered.

Earning a frown, Dusk catched up with the summary and continued, „You, too, landed in bed and did whatever you did, I honestly couldn’t care less...“, his flush made that statement doubtful.

„Anyway, you had a nightmare about your guilt regarding me, which caused a blind defensive panic attack in which you beat him up accidentally. Then you parted ways because you both needed to rethink about going full term on it. And that more or less forced you to come to me. Did I get that right?“, Dusk summarized with A raised brow.

„Basically yeah. Kind of sums it up pretty well. I was dead serious it would be over between the two of us. Nopony could blame him though, yet he stayed. He still considered to be with me. I told him that I didn‘t deserve somepony as good and caring as him but he didn’t care. I never wanted him to fall in love with me, Dusk. I‘m afraid that I fucked up“.

Chester felt a sting inside his chest. He wanted to be together with him…

but how far could he go? To his surprise Dusk gave him a warming smile. It was a wonderful feeling to him. Then Dusk chuckled.

“You know,”, he began, “you’re very much like Kryo right now. He also told me that he doesn’t want me to fall in love with him. Which is pretty hard, considering we have a lot in common. Like, a lot. I would be ready, but he just can’t cross that canyon yet. So I wait and won’t force it. Patience is key.”

“In your case, Dusk, it’s pretty much the same but switched. Think deeply about it and then make your decision. If our relationship taught you anything, you should know what to do and able to make the right choice. That would mean a lot to me”, Dusk continued on.

“I didn’t want to see you suffer, Chester. Not like this. This is wrong. Unhealthy. Granted, you fucked up our relationship but that is no reason you should be unable to have another one with another pony. That I can’t accept.”, Dusk said, tears began to form in Chesters’ eyes as a reponse.

“T...thank you, Dusk. I promise I’ll introduce you to each other one day.”, Chester said, beginning to sob.

“Looking forward to it. I just hope you tell the truth and didn’t just made this entire thing up to convince me to forgive you. Because if you did, I would capture you and feed you to the cragadiles”. He gave that sickening smile again!

“But from what you said, the way you react and your stoic acceptance of punishment do speak for the truth.”, Dusk admitted, if still scornful.

“Just make up your mind and tell him the truth. Works wonders long term, or so I’ve heard. And the two of us can have some tea in two to three weeks and you tell me what happened. Aye?”, he offered.

“Yup, that should work. I’ll take my time to think about it, promise.”, Chester said, relieved that everything worked out in the end.

“Great, now please get the fuck out of my house and treat that wing of yours. And if you need another beating, I am happy to oblige.”, Dusk said, ready to jump at him, but not with romantic intentions.

Chester found himself at the street again, not really remembering how he got there. Respectively how fast. But it didn’t matter to him. Chester felt like two mountains have been lifted off his shoulders.

Extending his wings, ready to fly off he felt and heard a prominent ‘crack’ before falling flat to the ground. Clenching his teeth together Chester suppressed a scream. Pain was surging through his right wing, reminding him that medical attention was advised.

‘Have you forgotten about us?’, they wailed in his mind.

“Ow...ow...ouch...”, Dusk pushed himself to the hospital, eager to get his wing fixed. Luckily, there wasn’t much going on so he quickly received a proper bandage and some painkillers. Given the choice to stay at the station for the day, Chester accepted the offer without hesitation. Lying in bed was uncomfortable with a wing stiff as a stick, but Chester didn’t care about it.

He finally made up with Dusk and could focus all his attention towards Cyrax now. Chester was so full of joy he grabbed the nearest pillow and squeezed it tightly to his chest. If it were Cyrax he would be reduced to his new personal body pillow. So it was probably a good thing that he wasn‘t present at the moment.

Exhaustion came down on him hard, Chester got comfortable and closed his eyes ready to be taken to Luna’s realm...

***********

‘Dear Chester. I’ve been thinking about you for the past months and came to the conclusion that…‘

The sheet of paper was abruptly crunched together and was sent flying towards the nearest wastebin. As expected, it failed to reach its destination. Bouncing off an already hopelessly overflowed stash of scrapped notes Cyrax let out a groaning noise. For three hours the orange changeling tried to form coherent sentences to tell his purple maned batpony crush.

Sounds simple enough in theory, yes. Reality however is, as usual, equally more challenging.

He stared at a letter he received about a week ago. Luckily for him, a brave unicorn stallion delivered it to his Hive, despite the abnormality of it. Said he lost a bet and was forced to do it. That didn’t stop Cyrax from lunging at him, embracing him in a tight hug. The repsonse was the unicorn, wailing about Cyrax not putting his eggs inside him before fainting in a comically silly fashion.

Levitating the letter from Chester towards him, Cyrax read it for the probably hundredth time.

Dear Cyrax. I really hope this letter got to you. I highly doubt it to be honest. But if it did I wanted to tell you something.

Cyrax, I lied to you. Not intentional, but I did nevertheless. I hate myself for the things I did to you. I can’t be forgiven for that. And for a long time I thought it would be the best to part ways. It would be the logical and reasonable thing to do. I broke the heart of a pony once, I don’t want to relive that again. You deserve to know what happened between me and Dusk. I loved him. Or I thought I did. I was only out for bucking like wild but he…. He fell in love with me. I rejected him but my stupid younger self was unable to tell him that. I thought I’d lose him forever if I did, but in the end I lost him anyways. Not because I told him, but because I didn’t.

Cyrax, I am not going to make that mistake twice. Not again. Not with you. I remember the things you said after we went to the hospital. ‚Get away from me you foalish idiot‘, I thought to myself. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore than I already did. So I wanted to ask you one simple question. Do you love me? Please take your time and think about it. In fact, please don’t read any further. Instead, I want you to put this letter aside and clear your thoughts out.

…

Cyrax, if you do love me, despite everything I did, I’d like to kiss you like we’re back on the plateau watching the sunrise. Because I love you. You’re cute and gentle, calm and understanding. You were there for me when everypony else would’ve backed away. You gave me everything I never thought of receiving from a simple flirt at a random night. So if you give me a second chance, I will give myself a second chance aswell and return the favor. To be there for you. And for you alone. I will make you the center of my attention, find new ways to make you laugh. Every. Single. Day. I promise.

Sincerely, Chester.

Tears began to trickle down from Cyrax’ eyes. A familiar warmth began to spread through his body as he stared at the letter. He could almost feel his love again. Divine. Pure. Addicting beyond his capability to describe. He would keep this confession for the rest of his life.

For a very long time Cyrax fought with himself, afraid that he only appreciated the feeling of love. The realization that Chester had faced a similar fate aswell struck Cyrax hard. He could easily empathize with him. But he would do better. Changelings have no need to disguise and fake their very existence if somepony appreciates them for who they really are. Shivers ran down his spine as he thought of unintentionally abusing Chester.

‘No‘, Cyrax thought to himself. He was stronger than that. He would do better. For his own sake. For Chester. For the Hive and general reputation of the changelings. Having gained new confidence Cyrax put the letter aside and focused back on writing a proper response. Every second that passed by was precious. Levitating a blank sheet to himself, Cyrax finally knew just what to write.

Hey Chester.

First of all, Thank you very much for the letter. Luckily it got here. I was very touched by it, even read it multiple times. I also appreciate it that you try to give things a second chance. Relationships I mean. Especially after what happened between you and Dusk. Sounds kind of lame, but I can understand you, at least slightly. I am also quite unsure about it. We should definitely meet again. To be honest, I really miss you. A pillow doesn’t quite do it for me anymore. Ooooff, getting out of hoof here…

I would definitely want to see you again. Preferably in Hollow Shades or somewhere else but not here. Talk things out, over tea or Celestia knows what. I also wouldn’t mind if we end up in bed. Works wonders I heard.

Sorry, Chester. I can’t do this. Writing I mean. Look.

I’ll try to put it simple. Yes, yes, all my yes. I want to. I want to be with you. You would be ready to try it with me? Perfect. So I would love to…

Cyrax let out a frustated growl and added another crunched paper towards his garbage can.

„Okay. That’s it. I give up“, Cyrax hissed. „I can’t do it. Of all the understandable, reasonable things that could cause things like this to fail, I have to fail because I’m too stupid to answer a freaking letter.“. Walking over to his bed, Cyrax threw himself face first on a blanket and proceeded to relax his limbs.

It didn’t took long for Cyrax to give his pillow some attention too. Certainly way more than it needed. Hugging the innanimate object, Cyrax’ thoughts trailed off towards the purple batpony. Of him gently nibbling his ear. Resting his head atop his soft belly. Of carefully inserting his appendage into his…

Jumping up Cyrax found himself panting. His heart was racing and he knew the familiar warmth in his crotch. „Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have you right now…“, Cyrax whispered, embracing the pillow anew. „Fuck….I’m gay. What the heck did you do to me, you cursed bat.“

Then…out of nowhere, Cyrax had an idea.

„What if“, glancing over at his wardrobe, he saw his black and white maid outfit. A smile began to form in the corner of his mouth. „What if I go out and get myself a second opinion on gay intercourse. To find out, not only if I’m hopelessly gay, but also to find out if I truly love Chester”.

Hesitating, Cyrax’ mind threw countless scenarios at him to further doubt his plans. Rough, rushed unerotic things that might only be enjoyed by others. Multiple dominant stallions forcing him in positions he wouldn’t be comfortable with. And at the end he would have to pay them for it. Shivering he held the pillow like A foal holding his plushie.

„You were always gentle with me. You took your time and got slow on me. It never hurt with you in charge.“. Exhaling, Cyrax purred before giving the pillow a smooch. Realizing he was doing something very questionable he put it aside.

Suddenly, Cyrax had another brilliant thought. This time however…it was not stupid.

Grinning devilishly, Cyrax got off his bed and proceeded to make the necessary arrangements to slowly shape his new plan into reality.

„Just you wait, my dear Chester. Just you wait…“, he purred…