Just a guy stumbling through this crazy life
Red Stripe has just woken up to find himself in a pre war lab falling quite literally into the hands...hoof's of slavers not knowing anything but his name, How will life turn out for a zebra like him in the unforgiving and deadly post war equestria
thanks goes to Kkats original fict for inspiring me
Also this im my attempt to get back into writing again critics are welcomed the more that's said the better i become
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this has some prospect........just need to work on punctuation a little, and you'll have a great story!
fuck yeah bro! I've been waiting for when you'll be posting it!
I love FOE stories, but I have to say this is looking decent for the first chapter! Don't stop even if you don't get much feedback!
Decent start. A zebra with wings? Interesting. But like they said above, use of punctuation would help considerably.
Hi there!
I see your FOE side-fic, and would recommend heading over here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KaoFWVlFlMjYR2KmTWxwCYnvTZQcjEULO9YHSaqqk9U/edit?hl=en_GB#heading=h.i6hpveaxrps2
Its essentially a doc about everything side-fic, including compilations, a little art, and a whole lot of fun.
Hope to see you over there!
~a friendly hobo
-Author of Tales of a Courier and co-artist of the Nuclear Winter Wasteland Wonderland compilation picture.
Looking forward to see where you take this
“Sir, subject is awake .What should be our action? Should we administer more sedatives?”
“Na don't waste it on ‘em. Scum like him deserve pain for the death and destruction they've caused us. Remember Luna's school? They never showed mercy towards young files. Why should we?”
It bugged me...So I fixed up the first dialogue. If you want a proofreader/editor, I would be happy to do it.
“Sir, subject is awake.What should be our action? Should we administer more sedatives?”
“Na don't waste it on ‘em. Scum like him deserve pain for the death and destruction they've caused us. Remember Luna's school? They never showed mercy towards young fillies. Why should we?”
It bugged me...So I fixed up the first dialogue. If you want a proofreader/editor, I would be happy to do it.
EDITED MORE, SORRY
103829 sure i already have Shadowstep working on it with me i could always use the help ill send it to you
Very interesting story. I'm really curious to see what happens next.
Also visit the community the friendly hobo mentioned. We are all Fo:E fanatics and are always looking to add more to our number. 
Thanks everyone me and my proof reader have been taking about where im bringing this story im going to be writing the next chapter as soon as insperation hits me ^^ hope its soon
Cool can't wait!
Looks good to me Neverknown. <3
Phew finally busted out that chapter ^^
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lznr8pjvAv1qii7qjo1_400.gif
Wow that was pretty awesome.
Well done.
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236362 Thanks ^^
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nice
here's hoping the next one doesn't take as long.
240930 Eh im thinking of starting to write this coming Wednesday sorry it took so long with being sick and running around looking for a job i fell back on my writing <.< Still bright times ahead and im going to be adding a few more characters prepare for things to get hectic in the story ^^
Eh im going to start writing again today if time permits be expecting a chapter this coming week^^
Eh little late with the story I got sick then my proof reader got sick i should be typing on it soon
....sooooo did you die yet? lol kidding
322998 Haha sorry im trying to bust out another chapter life's just getting in the way, im still working on it itll probity just be a wile until another chapter comes out
323159 hahaha it's cool I understand same for me and my story
323214 HaHA i finally got a chance to break through my writers block ill probity have the next chapter out next week or before ^^
352408 ya lol gl
Atta boy Red. Them slavers say "get to work!" and you say nope(.avi) and finding a family willing to help is always good too.
About bloody time.
also:
"I trotted away the older mare said something as i got just outside of ear shot."
there was more but i dont remember where
Nice work man. To be honest, I wasn't looking for specific grammatical errors, but, as a whole, it feels a little rushed, especially during the scene jumps in the middle. Other than that, great chapter bro. I look forward to the next one.
403314 Eh after i get a few more chapters in ill probity go over this chapter again i didn't feel right along with being sick i couldent put everything that i wanted in it.
/)
Thanks man
I'm betting the only thought in his head during his escape was "get the buck out of here" so he probably wouldn't have much to go on in terms of where to go next. That and they did heal him so might as well tag along with them.
And that sucks about your buddy.
I'm for following the family.
411238 Alright i partly understood what you said so in sorts do you think you could rephrase it a little?
412653 Alright then thanks im glad your enjoying the story /) after reading through it a few more times im getting the gist, thanks for leaving a comment
/)
Follow the family definitely, without a doubt, 100%. 'Nough said.
#501752 who keeps leaking my thoughts
Remember co-Neverknown I'm watcking you find that job so.you can get back to writing
pinky piece who area you talking to?
no one twi no one at all
pinky....<_<
Anyways I've hot some what of a touch draft on my phone but i can't really post it in its full form untill i can get hold of a computer and some free time the job hunt isn't going that well
Okay. I want to help you. I'm going to try to not be mean, but I am going to be brutally honest. I'm trying to help you.
This story needs work.
The premise is fine, the whole tube pony stuff, but the OC is a little much.
Black and red colors? Flag
Zebra with wings? Flag
How did Red Stripe know about the Great War? Did you ever reveal that to us? I read from right when he went into the tube to him emerging and being enslaved. Flag
Grammar and punctuation needs a lot of work. You might want to consider an editor. Pacing is a whole other beast. You started off decently, giving a bit of time to what we read, but then around chapter 2, it all went to heck. Things moved so fast between scenes, it was very disconverting for me, as a reader.
Chapter 3 needs to be rewritten, with things just being awkward and not understandable in general. Take more descriptive time if you need it. Also, Stripe's time as a slave was skipped over. Was that intentional? If it was, why? It could have been used for some great character building. All I know about Stripe now is as follows:
-He was in some crazy experiment before the war, which altered his body and his memories.
-He was in 'stasis' for an undetermined amount of time.
-He was woken and enslaved.
-He watched some ponies die, and realized he never knew their names.
-He escaped being a slave, and woke up being tended to by nice ponies.
Not much of this helps build a character. You describe a bunch of events that take place, but no choices, little of his thoughts, and little of his actions.
Prescription: Complete rewrite with an editor.
1328360 Eh i got you there mate im thinking when i can find another job im going to redo the entire story but for right now i really need to put life first.
Also thanks for reading more or less i was trying my hand at writing but om not positive, i have the will or the patents to write under stress. so heres to being hopefull that after i get a job i can get this mess fixed.
1353913
Thanks life has really thrown me a curve ball 
1877980 Hehe well daum i haven't worked on this story in forever, I told everyone who was badgering me i would rewrite the story when i had a job and could concentrate on it...that was three months ago well looks like its almost up i had a good lead today
1877993 i think he should find the facility where he was awakened to find out more about himself and mabey have like... memory flashes of what he remembers about the place. or even find locked up pre-war personal items like say the cloak he was using when he tryed to kill rarity or even the knife. hell he could find a Pipbuck there and mabey that Pipbuck he finds has old maps leading to different facilitys where other experments where made or where they ran unique projects on armour or guns. or something like that. (-:
Shouldn't this story have at least on genre tag?