Weaver of stories of action, drama, love, sex and a loyal knight of the Sunset Empire! Hail to the phoenix empress! Sunlight & Sundagio are # 1
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not bad
9338355
Thanks. Love this ship and it's always a pleasure writing them
Phew. That was a lot of fun. I liked how you gave them all believable jobs. Aria...yeah I could see her getting into that.
Fucking. "Cocopuff" may be the cutest goddamn nickname for Coco I have ever read.
Treehugger is like, super rad, man.
I love Sunset's ships. She can make sense with just about any of the cast if you make it work. Taking in Adagio is totally something she'd do and them going from there just suits them.
Also. Princess Twilight being all "welp! You have fun with that!" And you just know she put the book away as if just looking at it was interrupting them xD
9339334
Exactly what I thought when I put that lol
What's Squirting Edging?
9339720
keeping someone on the edge if climax to tease them and induce a bigger climax which for women is squirting.
Indoor Nudist couple.
I will be honest, I had a very hard time reading this. Not in regards to the subject or the shipping, but this was a wall of text with too lenghty sentenses. I recommend you to get an editor or a proofreader for your next story.
9340443
Trust me if I could I would. Replies never come through to asks for aid. One man crew here
9340443
Plus I feel breaking some of the sequences up messes the flow up but that could just be me. Like I said I rarely get a second opinion before posting but feedback like this is good too so thanks
9340446
Sure knows how that feels... It's tough.
9340459
Well, this story is done and finished so don't worry about that. But perhaps think about using slightly shorter sentences in your next story? Pauses are important in the flow as well.
9340486
And this is why I ask people to comment and give me feedback so I can improve lol. I love this ship and feel every story I write for them is special... hopeless romantic and all you know?😅
9340488
Well, you are not alone, my friend! Welcome to the wonderful world of Sunsagio! (Apparently the official name. I think "sundazzle" sounds better.)
I might be able to help with proofreading if you want btw.
9343960
I would love the help lol thank you
9344039
:) just pm me when you're working on your next story. I prefer Gdocs.
9344072
I am actually working on a new chapter of my story Melody of Love. PM me for details. Would love to throw ideas around
... Why do you use question marks in place of commas?
There is no damn good reason for all those question marks, and it really makes it hard to read.
9346640
Again. One person production here and I can't catch everything. Thanks for the feedback I'll fix it
9346646
Just to clarify, that's not the only instance, just the most blatant.
9346647
yes...I know
This was very sexy. Sunset-Adagio shipping is very heavily trod ground, so 10/10 for having an original concept, and 10/10 for making the concept a fun one. Adagio using mind-control sexytimes for *good* produced a very good time for me.
Yes, as others noted you do have some areas for improvement with the structure and grammar. And yes, we did have to wade through a ton of extraneous scenes and worldbuilding before we got to the good part. But you have originality and good ideas, and these are the most important traits for an author. The rest can be learned.
9349963
Thank you for the feedback. It's comments like this why I write at all.
I just love this two girls ! They are made for each other. Especially the way you write them. The atmosphere in your stories feels increasingly natural and lifelike. It took a long time to see you back, but hey perfection takes time.
9351781
Haha thanks. My work is far from perfect but I do my best and it's comments like this that keep me going and wanting to put out more stories
pic of SunDagio I found on dA
9367582
Oh I found this pic too might use it
Lewd.
9446982
All of the lewd!!!
Damn! That was hot! Even I felt a little high on the dirty. Lol!
9517000
Glad you enjoyed! Stay tuned for more
Nice story, I have a weakness for the Sunset/Adagio ship, but I agree with those who say the excessive question marks are distracting.