The Cutie Map has summoned Starlight Shimmer, Tempest Shadow, and even the former pony living in another universe, Sunset Shimmer, and is sending them to uncharted lands and untold perils. Will the three be able to form the bounds of friendship required to survive this adventure!? READ AND FIND OUT!!!
But that's not all! With Tempest away that leaves the Storm Creatures and Grubber under the "command" of Twilight Sparkle. What is the princess of friendship going to do with fifty bear sized monsters and one fat hedgehog?!
Illustrations by the ever talented pencilbrony http://pencilbrony.tumblr.com/ (sfw, can have gore tho)
Chapters (4)
Why is each spoken sentence put in its own quotes bracket? Even the ones said by the same person in the same paragraph?
9304341
So you know that its spoken word.
9304474
You don't need to do it to every single sentence spoken by the same person in the same paragraph.
Sunset laughed “Not quite.” As she said this she drew back one wing and used it to swat the two big ones attacking Starlight away. “All right girls, Let’s light it up! up! up!” Starlight’s magic laser joined Tempests blasts as Sunset took a very deep breath.
Is that a fallout boy reference?
9304729
That depends, when the rules say no song lyrics does that incude references? If so its just a random quinka dink that it matches up with a song called phoenix...
9304729
And it was at that point he realised he had the wrong song...
9305250
You weren't too far off, my songs know what you did in the dark is a similar title to Phoenix, also I have no idea on the legal side of the song lyrics thing, but since it differs from the original lyric you should be fine, I think.
9304475 It is very, very distracting.
9309770
Crazyredemu was willing to admit he makes a lot of gammer mistakes, but was sure it was right this time. "These things go around spoken dialogue, and while I am tying to be less choppy I am still doing it right!" He had picked up a book to check and even asked a nerdy coworker who reads books all the time. "Perhaps I am misunderstanding what you two are referring too?" He included an example in the comment just to be sure, but damn if it wasn't weird, felt like he was RPing on a neopets board again...It made him cringe.
9304474
Usually you’re just supposed to have the entirety of spoken word in one set of quotation marks regardless of the number of sentences.
Come on! When is your next update? I am loving this fanfic! I can’t wait to see what more you come up with for this fic! It’s awesome!
9523046
Today, but it's short, life has been busy
YES! A new chapter.
I really Enjoy this Story, I'm glad you are continuing this
Sentences are separated by periods, interspersed with commas in natural pauses. Also, put your quotation marks around the entirety of what the character is saying, not every sentence they speak. And to check yourself on spelling and punctuation errors, try reading what you've written aloud; speaking while you read makes it harder for your brain to fill in the gaps.
All in all, it's a great concept that I would love to see fleshed out. So... on to chapter two!
Well... still have those grammatical issues. But woe unto those who mess with the baby Cakes.
... I feel sorry for their grandchildren, 'cause they're gonna feel that woopen.
Anywho, chapter three: GO!
Just as good (if not better) as when the four former villains saved equestria from the changelings
The female storm guard’s name was Susan, not Karen,
When will the next chapter come out?
10089131
Did I get the name wrong somewhere or is there a cannon female Storm Guard?
10089140
The last episode kind of killed my love of the show (with a few things in the seasons leading up to it not helping) so I am far less motivated to finish this, got like half the next chapter sitting on my screen mocking me.
10089131
never mind I found it, thanks
Will this be continued?
10527816
I've been trying, no luck so far, sorry.