Supporting an Equestrian Warrior

While attending a fundraiser benefiting Equestria's military in Ponyville, Shining Armor is confronted by a troubled war veteran with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

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Comments ( 6 )

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Harmony Muse

Harmony Muse #1 · Nov 12th, 2018 · 2 · ·

I've had friends who served in the Middle East, some who didn't come back, some who came back and left a little bit of themselves behind.

While I don't necessarily like real world elements being added to a story, this was good work.

Have a like.

twilightsparkle3562

twilightsparkle3562 #2 · Nov 12th, 2018 · · ·

9288864 Thanks!

Antiquarian

Antiquarian #3 · Nov 13th, 2018 · · ·

Thank you for drawing attention to this. Using Spearhead as a way to tie it all in was a good idea.

An edit:

Being a member of Equestria's defense was, without, a sacrifice most of us would be willing to make.

Something's odd about this wording. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say.

twilightsparkle3562

twilightsparkle3562 #4 · Nov 13th, 2018 · · ·

9289682 If you want me to take it out, I can do that.

Antiquarian

Antiquarian #5 · Nov 13th, 2018 · · ·

9289721
I don't think it necessarily needs removing; I'd just say you need to be more clear about what you mean. For instance, do you mean to say something along the lines of: "Being a member of Equestria's defensive forces means sacrifice; it's a sacrifice any good soldier is willing to make." There are a number of ways to say it, but as it currently sits its contradictory and has what looks like an incomplete clause in the middle ('without' just sort of sits there not doing anything).

NicLove