- Member Since 28th May, 2012
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
Peridork
Sometimes you lose yourself in your own narcissism. That's when you find out you might be the bad guy.
Peridork
Joined 28th May, 2012 ·
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Reaction to the first Chapter's title:
i.imgur.com/B9NNdzR.png
Lololololol
..Er.. I mean, poor foals... Luna sounds like she made quite a mistake there.
I maaay have that lined up with RD in my big story for a few reasons... anyway. I had to stop reading for a moment cause of laughing at Rarity there. Good lead up to that and great delivery.
You have a nice mix of serious and funny.
You have a ...interesting interpretation of Luna going on here. I certainly write her and Twilight with a lot more cute and fuzzy in there, but I can still see how the darker side might eek out a bit and lead to her being a bit scary from time to time.
I'll continue onto the next chapter as soon as I get the time. Good start to this story though
Good read. I like Luna's language. Well written, and I can picture her saying it.
9357138
Thank you so much. That was actually really hard to balance for the story. Probably was a few days of at least trying to understand when to use certain phrases and terms and not overdo it for effect.
9357177
It's always hard to write for another character and remain loyal to the core of what makes that character unique, so I always appreciate a concerted effort into maintaining that sentiment.
Good job.
Great story. Sequel please.
9357324
Didn't expect this reaction. I originally planned for this to be a one off for fun though after finishing it I guess I have a few ideas for a sequel. No promises if/ when that will come out since I'm juggling my main story and want that to be my focus. I mean I released this not a day ago so while I have sequel ideas, I am not focused enough to write them.
Seriously I wrote this primarily because I like TwiLuna, though this is like the first time I wrote it, so it was really good practice to figure out what I like from their interaction. Also I always wanted to a holiday story. So it looks like here it is.
the idea is nice but i got halfway thru this chapter and got bored waiting for it to get to the point.
protip: every fanfic doesnt 'have' to have 'every' member of the mane 6 in it, this story was about twilight and luna and luna's misunderstanding of hearthswarming, thus it only really needed, twilight luna and a book or two
one cool night, a pair of loving mares, some hot cocoa and a tale of the past, told by one of the present to one who had been there, and some clarifications there of from said one.
instead you had them run all over ponyville before geting to the point, for the sake of having the other members of the mane six present in some way.
9357891
Thanks for the criticism. I can definitely see the point you are making and I actually do agree with you. It sure is a slow story where nothing much happens and has the Mane Six all over the place. I could have probably cut a bit of it to tighten it up for most readers. But I like writing character focused stuff so the action really wasn't the focus at all. Seems like my dramas are either hit or miss.
I could have done what you suggested in your comment. It probably would have been so much easier. I wouldn't have been happy with it, but that's just personal taste.
I'll take this criticism into account when I write a sequel.
9358151
cool, and sorry if my critque came off as snippy or snide, i really should learn to take time and think out what im typeing to devorce it a bit from my emotions of the moment
9358233
No it's fine. Actually good criticism that I expected since I tend to write primarily for myself with no real worry for pacing since I like writing slow romances. Slow romances that tend to have a lot of 'fluff' on the outside but I plan out every scene to at least some extent for future ideas. If people don't like it I understand. The protip thing felt a bit much though. I originally planned for it to be exactly that and realized I had no fun at all writing it. And if I don't have heart writing the story, I've figured out that it comes out and I hate it. Thanks for the criticism since I was stuck trying to figure out where I wanted to take this whenever I come back and make a sequel. Actually took all that criticism and made something similar yet not so focused on the Mane 6.
LOL
Now I wanna know what she did to annoy Dash that much...
While I don't think you needed the whole mane 6 in like this, I do enjoy a nice slow burner and this fit the bill nicely. Twilight and Luna's interactions were great.
I enjoyed it, although I do think the ending was kinda huh, wut? Its finished??
I re-read the ending and I still don't feel like its the end. I would have expected them to finish up in the crystal empire (having had a few more encounters with the local royalty) and then wrapping up at home in Ponyville or something. But, as it is, I enjoyed it so yea.
9358732
Yeah the ending's a bit abrupt. I'm not super happy with the ending but it works. I was in that catch 22 of wanting more stuff but if I kept adding it'd lose the plot and fall apart, Think of these three chapters as one story and that I've been staring at it for like six weeks. After a certain point I was both done with the idea and wanted to move on and not done with it cause I had more ideas for it. Wish it had turned out a little better. Which is the main reason why I already came up with ideas for a sequel cause I see why people have issues with it.
I made this for a test to see if I could write TwiLuna, that part I got, now I just need a plot that I like that doesn't fizzle out.
The ending bit with trixi there did not really fit the rest of the story in my opinion, but it is a good story nonetheless.
9461094
Sequel hook. Cause this story is pretty much contained within itself, the Trixie stuff is more about the sequel and any future attempts at this cause I have ideas for at least one more story if not more and they all are way less cute and fluffy than this. Still cute and fluffy sure, the romance isn't going away since I like writing that but I also like writing dark stuff too.
This got a lot darker and stranger than I thought it would.
That's a lot of Trixies. Poor mare is in a lot of trouble there. Is that trixie's ancestor that Stygian is somehow tied to?
LOLOLOL
And Cadences talk with Luna made me laugh when Cadence told her she still sometimes sees Twilight as 5.
9461898
Hence why I was like "yeah let's just end it on chapter 3" because around that time, I realized that I had to actually introduce Stygian and that I had to get him out of Limbo. And going by the few times Limbo has been seen or mentioned in canon, it's either giant vortex things get sucked into and sent somewhere else or in other depictions kind of like a vast void of nothing. Hard to make that transfer well to the page so I went with trying to explain things in fractal geometry- things repeat over and over and over. Forever. Easier to think up and got me slightly more creative with the imagery. To put this in perspective- I wrote both the flashback sequences and the Trixie half first which worried me cause I had mentioned the outright horror bits in passing in previous flashbacks.
And yeah it got dark. Definitely expected but not to the extent it got to. Probably got some of the imagery from a nightmare. Oddly enough, that tends to happen a lot with me. The weird, dark stuff? Mostly bad dreams.
That's why I mentioned in my blogs the odd problem of me writing this chapter and realizing that the sequel will probably be a romantic thriller or something cause that tonally fits better than slice of life can.
And that's why I also made the Crystal Empire stuff a little more joke heavy and cute cause I brought a lot of dark stuff. Also seems like Shining Armor and Cadance tend to be more comedic whenever I write them anyway.