~You are only confined by the walls you build yourself~
Sunset Shimmer6,763 stories ·4,927 members
Shimmer Flash63 stories ·119 members
Flashimmer (Flash SentryXSunset Shimmer)230 stories ·140 members
Flash Sentry Being Alright292 stories ·76 members
Flashimmer26 stories ·10 members
All those years alone, not taking care of herself. What has Sunset done? Got some friends. An amazing boyfriend, who was she foolishly broke up with before. New fans for her art. But does that all make up for her pain in the past? Sure, she's made up to everyone. Sunset's sorry. To everyone. But most of all. She's sorry to herself.
Page generated in 0.073 seconds
Total duration
704 users online
798,882 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well, certainly didn't expect this. I thought the ending would go completely different, glad I was wrong about the ending I thought it would be. This was a good story, like most of the other stories I've seen, but this one feels different in a way, but I cant put my finger on it. Just great job with this story, one of the only ones to (almost) make me cry, the other is Rocket to Insanity, I think it was called, but I'm not sure if that counts. Keep up the good work!
9256514
Glad you enjoyed, took me about three weeks, glad that payed off! If you don't mind me asking, what was the ending you expected?
9256674
I just expected one of these three things: Something to mess up the speech, later in the story, or when I started reading it, I thought it would end with a type of painting being painted, or finally, the fight Sunset and Flash going too far, ending with someone getting hurt, and everything going down from there. I'm not sure why I thought the last one would happen, but I think it's because many stories I've read going down this path. Glad it didn't though, because the story would then get boring unless if something different happened along the path.
9256707
Oh okay. Honestly those options sound pretty good too! Thanks for telling me
It's not bad, but it feels a little disjointed overall. I'm not entirely sure how each event is supposed to lead to the next.
9256784
Could you please elaborate?
9256798
I mean, how did Sunset go from feeling unusually unhappy and awful to that speech ay the end? All I understood was that she felt bad at the beginning, then had a fight with Flash, then made up with him, and then ended up feeling better enough to make a speech on self-love. I'm having a hard time understanding how Sunset's emotions changed or are supposed to change from one point to another.
9256825
Oh, thanks for the feedback! I would like to say that Sunset wasn't necessarily happy or unhappy throughout the story. She felt 'not whole' and 'not complete', and by the end of the speech she wasn't really happy or sad. She just had the courage to be able to apologise to herself. But this story was a very open ended one- it's entirely up to you how you want to comprehend it, but that's just what I had on my mind
This was an interesting story to read. I'm glad I finally got to read it through. There have been numerous, to put it mildly, variations on Sunset dealing with unhappiness and all, but I enjoyed this telling well enough. Good work.
9258125
Thank you, glad you enjoyed
That was a really good story, keep up the good work.
This story wasn't different than what I though it go but I still enjoyed it
Hiya there, Tranquil Stone!
It’s Thoughts Time! The story has an interesting premise. However, it’s not executed so well.
For starters, what exactly is Sunset sorry about? From what I’ve just read, it sounds like relationship problems with Flash, but that only happened in the middle of the story, and Sunset was down at the beginning and at the end. Unless she’s going through depression - different from simple unhappiness - but that wasn’t made very clear. Then again, guilt often doesn’t need a reason; it just is.
And the most noticeable problem has to be the grammar and the structure. Take this extract.
1. The pronoun following a dialogue should not be capitalized, unless you’re using an action tag. ‘Shout’ is not an action tag. And there’s a period missing. It should be:
”Is that all I am to you? Just some random person?” he shouts.
2. There should be a paragraph change right here, because of the switch between speakers.
”Why can’t you understand that?!” I yell back.
Flash’s eyes become cold and steely, and he stared down at the floor. “I won’t be a...”
3. I’ve seen this problem pop up quite often. At the end of a dialogue, the moment we switch back to narration, there should be a punctuation mark. For said tags, we use a comma, and for action tags, we use a period. For questions and exclamations, we use “?” and “!” respectively.
”I won’t a burden to you,” he says.
4. Same problem as #2. When the focus changes, the paragraph changes with it.
The story just needs some polishing. An editor or proofreader might help.