I'm sorry I cant. Dude, your story started off strong. I was actually pleasantly suprised by the begining. Then the moment other displaced got involved, it felt like your main plot you had going got thrown out the window. Now the focus feels more on the other displaced than even your own character let alone the interesting world you had set up at first.
Your story isn't bad, but from the moment Ed got involved, all pacing, all semblance of a cohesive story, was derailed. I wanted to like this, but I cant.
Don't let this comment stop you from writing. Keep doing what you find fun because at the end of it all that is what we write fan fiction for. But I will not be following this story, as much as I wanted to.
Looking forward for more chaos.
The crossover chapters with "Shadows of Dawn" are exactly the same in both stories.
You need "you're" as in you are.
felt a
through not threw
Good job, far less than your first few attempts.
I'm sorry I cant. Dude, your story started off strong. I was actually pleasantly suprised by the begining. Then the moment other displaced got involved, it felt like your main plot you had going got thrown out the window. Now the focus feels more on the other displaced than even your own character let alone the interesting world you had set up at first.
Your story isn't bad, but from the moment Ed got involved, all pacing, all semblance of a cohesive story, was derailed. I wanted to like this, but I cant.
Don't let this comment stop you from writing. Keep doing what you find fun because at the end of it all that is what we write fan fiction for. But I will not be following this story, as much as I wanted to.