Tempest Poppins
by Present Perfect
Part 1: A Spoonful of Punching
Melon Bright stared up at the tall, purple mare staring back down at him and knew true fear. The scar over her eye made his knees shake. Her broken horn made him want to barf. She was so muscular, he figured she beat up the whole world every day before breakfast.
Also, she was wearing a frilly smock. Under black armor. With a wide-brimmed hat. And carrying an umbrella with a parrot head handle. Somehow, the incongruity was not enough to relieve his terror.
"You the one who wrote the letter?" she asked, in a voice that could crack mountains.
"W-what letter?" he croaked.
She reached her head back along her side, the hat flopping and fluttering with every movement. From a saddlebag that looked like it was made out of his grandma's ugly carpet, she produced a piece of paper. Well, more like a whole bunch of little scraps of paper that had been taped together into something rectangle-ish.
"And I quote." That she was holding the paper in her mouth didn't matter; her steely voice made him just want to pass out already and end the torment.
"'Dear Anypony, I don't want to get a cutie mark because everypony at school who doesn't have one that's dark and mean gets beat up. I don't want a mean cutie mark, but I also don't want to get my face turned into playground pudding like Bee Feeder said he'd do. Please help, sincerely, Melon Bright.'"
An intense, critical eye roved over him. "You are Melon Bright, right?"
All he could do was nod.
The mare sucked the letter into her mouth, chewed a few times, and swallowed.
"I'm Tempest Shadow. I'm here to help." She narrowed those soul-rending eyes. "Bring me to Beef Eater."
The largest pony in the entirety of Manehattan West Elementary, a gray earth colt, sat in a corner of the school's hallway. He laughed to himself as he tossed a hoofful bits up in the air and caught them. Said bits had minutes before been a filly's lunch money, and since there were more than two coins, Bee Feeder had to content himself with tossing and catching the coins instead of counting them.
He was jolted from his simple enjoyment by the approach of two ponies: one green and shrimpy, the other purple and...
Bee Feeder swallowed.
"Are you Beef Eater?" asked the statuesque mare, glaring down at him with an eye radiating hatred and the promise of an early demise should his answer displease its owner.
"Huh-huh-who wants to know?" he gasped, eyes flicking over to the shrimp. Steeling himself, he said, "I mean, y-yeah, that's me." He mentally applauded himself for only stuttering once that time.
"I hear you think you're tough stuff," the mare said, as though she did not believe the idea for an instant.
In a flash of misplaced hubris, Bee Feeder stood and puffed out his chest. "You bet! I'm the toughest pony in the fourth grade!" He smirked. "You wanna join my posse?"
The mare raised an eyebrow. "Posse?"
Bee Feeder put both hooves in his mouth and blew. At piercing whistle, nearly a dozen little ponies, all of them meaner and uglier than the last, slunk forth out of the hallway shadows. They grinned wickedly, or stumped over to Bee Feeder like whipped dogs, ready to do their master's bidding. Their cutie marks were morbid, ranging from Bee Feeder's own angry bee to knives, skulls, explosions, and those funny symbols they put in comic books when they don't want to print the swears.
"This is my posse," Bee Feeder said, leaning confidently against the wall.
"Are these they?" the mare asked the colt next to her. He, quite gingerly, nodded.
The mare cracked her neck and smiled. "Good, you're all in one place. Thanks in advance for not making me find you all."
"Uh," said Bee Feeder, and that was all the time he had to speak before he became the signatory of one sound beating of his life from one Tempest Q. Shadow, Esq., D.B.A.
Melon Bright edged away from the carnage as foals cried out for mommies who didn't love them. But as he gazed upon the brutality unmatched in his lifetime, the memories of a hundred beatings of his own flashed through his mind.
These ponies had tripped him. They had stolen his lunch money. They had ground his face in the dirt. He'd had his flank drawn on with permanent markers, he'd been force-fed worms, he'd even had to enter the fillies' room unaccompanied, lest his favorite cards be chopped to bits. They had been flushed regardless.
It had taken him ages to find that booster pack.
Now that this one mare was single-hoofedly laying into a dozen ponies half her age, he realized, things would be different. He could rest easy at night, knowing that, whatever cutie mark he got, it wouldn't lead to either becoming a bully or remaining their victim. The blood and bruises were his seal for a bright, shining future.
"Thank you, Tempest Shadow," he whispered. A single tear tracked down his cheek. His cards were avenged at last.
Beautiful.
Wut?
Ooooh this looks good! Lemme get a glass of milk-plus and continue reading.
Dragon ball abringed
Bee Feeder/Beef Eater is a great name.
Also, DBA is Dat Bad Ass.
9134202
You receive: One-third point!
Deranged Bad Ass?
Also, you do not mess with a kid's cards. Great justice was served this day.
9134797
You receive: One-third point!
9134202
9134468
9134797
Well lets see if we can work out which word they both got right.
I am guessing Ass, so to confirm it...
Dangerous Boisterous Ass.
((I will be really surprised if Boisterous is right given she isn't, but if I get no points, we can confirm bad is correct....unless Dangerous is right. Damn.))
A spoonful of punching makes the bullies go down,
The bullies go down, bullies go down,
Just a spoonful of punching makes the bullies go down,
In a most cathartic way.
The hell does the Q stand for? Quironimus?
Dangerously Bucking Awesome?
P.L. Travers is probably rolling in her grave...
Should we be applauding Tempest for beating up children a fraction of her age?
Yes. Yes we should.
The bullies deserve literally everything that's happening to them.
Also, Doctor of Busting Ass.
Isn't that a doctorate in business administration? I.e., a professional Boss? Doctor of Bossness? Or something?
It probably doesn't matter as much as Tempest beating a bunch of children with her superpony strength and then blasting them with that horn of fireworks.
9135902
Despite a small quibble on the 'B' word, you are in the correct neighborhood, semantically. A full point is awarded! (It was "Beating" in my mind.)
9136329
Nothing says she doesn't have that degree and just combined the letters for the two. :V
Database administrator, obviously.
Defender Beating Ass... sure why not. Like where this is going btw
After reading later on I get why you used Marry Poppins, but Nanny McPhee is closer to the way Tempest works, in so far that she's not afraid to use Tough Love.
Still...this story is AMAZING!! <3
Doctor of Beating Ass, or "Sir" for short.
Edit: upon reflection, and taking an entirely different tack, it could also be "Doctor of Behavioural Adjustment".
9151837
You're the first person to get it in one. :D
Out of curiosity, what does the Q stand for?
9220640
"Quit asking about my middle name before I break your face"
:B
So is she a lawyer or just hasn’t quite made knighthood?
Damn, that's a really good description of Tempest.
And her being the rough version of Mary Poppins is just so much fun to read.
I'm confused.
Is her armor under the smock, or is the smock under her armor?
11510400
smock's under the armor :B
11510473
So her Victorian era dress is getting crushed and wrinkled by her armor, or is she wearing something that doesn't look like Mary Poppins' dress?