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Dance With Me, Baby!

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Bright Garnet doesn't go to parties. He even tried to excuse himself from his own "Welcome To Ponyville" party. This time his friends, the few he's made, as good as drag him out to one. He didn't figure he would need a wingmare, but he's glad he has one... just this once.

I recommend listening to boy pablo's "Dance, Baby!" as it largely inspired this story and is fantastic.

Cover art by Tehflah.

Chapters (2)

Sitting In The Corner · 15th Jul 2018 · 1,022 words
1,022
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Get Up And Move · 19th Jul 2018 · 1,022 words
1,022
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Comments ( 5 )

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Starlight Nova

Starlight Nova #1 · Jul 17th, 2018 · · · Sitting In The Corner ·

Can I please get a link to boy pablo's "Dance, Baby!"?

Warp Contrast

Warp Contrast #2 · Jul 17th, 2018 · · · Sitting In The Corner ·

9050278
Done, hon. It's in the author's notes.

EverfreePony

EverfreePony #3 · Jul 17th, 2018 · · · Sitting In The Corner ·

Not bad, not bat at all

Bright is indeed coming over as an introverted, rather clever pony that likes to dwell on his past. Hence all the ‘I used to do ... with my friends back then.’ Or at least I interpret it so.

The falling in love moment is probably the most well-written part of the chapter with really good atmosphere. However, how come that he is living in Ponyville, knows about the Element Bearers, but doesn’t at least recognize Rarity?

If you want to attract more readers, I suggest making the beginning more interesting. Bright’s awkwardness is not bad, but not really hooking either. Also, noticed some typos and a few issues in direct speech, can go through it again and make a list of them, if you wish.

Still, I’m curious what the next chapter might bring

Warp Contrast

Warp Contrast #4 · Jul 17th, 2018 · · · Sitting In The Corner ·

9051162
I guess I thought it was sort of a "never really seen most of them 'cause he doesn't get out much", but I see your point, too. It seems unlikely. If you would like to go through it, I would appreciate the help. I'm still looking for an editor, honestly.

Warp Contrast