• Published 7th Jul 2018
  • 5,602 Views, 41 Comments

Enotita - DNC



Staring out at the desert i cant help but wonder how if i could have done better. Was there a way that i could have proven that it wasn't cadence at the wedding? Maybe if i had i would be home in Equestria in stead of here at Enotita.

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Facing the past

Sunrise, a beautiful mix of orange and red in nearly every shade you can think. As I watch the come over the horizon, I can’t help but think this is why. Most don’t like the early morning watch but I love it, for the quiet and for the sunrise. I lay there my stomach over top a small rock long since rubbed smooth from the cores black fur of my underbelly. A gentle breeze caring the fresh scents of the desert air, I love mornings here. It’s peaceful, peaceful enough to think.

My thoughts are drawn to my appearance, and how much it changed. Once I was but a unicorn if you believe that. I had light lavender fur and a deep blue mane and tail both with a single purple and pink strip side by side in the center. My mane much like my tail, I always wore neat laying on my left the end and bangs cut even gust above my eyes. My eyes once a deep purple like the strip in my mane. I don’t look like that anymore.

My belly and chest are now black, same as the fur on my legs, a light grey bringing it together with the same lavender of my birth. Someone once made the joke that I must have been dipped in granite pant. I can’t help but chuckle at the thought. It would explain why the black is so much rougher compared to the lavender that covers the upper side of my body.

The color of my mane and tail changed little, the strips growing slightly to take a fourth of the color each. I wear them both different now. My bangs slicked back, spiking up in back as my now smoother mane lies behind my shoulder rather than over with some turning under my right ear. My tail flows like a twin pointed tear drop growing large at the center before thing and ending in a point like my mane.

My once single horn is replaced by two curved ivory horns, coming out above my eyes just at my hair line. My eyes now a light purple, the pupils draconic slits. I never much used makeup before but now deep purple eyeliner marks my eyelids. I was told it goes well with the two dark marks coming down from my eyes like short tears.

I have wings now. There only bone but still I can move them and fly thanks to remnant magic of he who gave me this form.

The armor given to me is gold. All my hooves covered in full dark gold shoes. My hind legs covered only in the front with plates etch smaller than the last. That on my front hooves are more compete, surrounding my legs completely up to my elbows with small diamond shaped plates at the front joints. My neck is completely covered by thin plate rings from the base to my heed. A thick kite shield plate covers my chest, well thick rings made to match cover my ribs living my stomach exposed. A line matching my spine go’s down my bake encasing the base of my tail lifting it slightly up. Flat oval paladins rest over my shoulders well two armored joint guards allows my wings freedom. The flat plates all covered in tiny interknit defensive rune work to compete the armor. (Just like the picture save for mentioned changes to design.)

I know that more than my looks have changed. Before I never learned a real combat spell but now I’m one of the best in the local guard. So much has changed since I came here to this city, so much since I came to enotita.

Enotita, it means unity. Fitting name for this place, a city were so many gather. A city wear we all depend on each other and are neighbors to survive. If you were to walk the streets of enotita you would find not one or two species like most countries but near a hundred, from humble pony’s to towing dragons, from graceful dear to brutes Minotaur. Yes you can find most every species on equis here in Enotita. Unlike my old home, unlike Equestria.

My thoughts drift back once again to the home I was cast out of so many years ago. Like every time my heart aches at the remainder of my failure. Spike and the others would say I did nothing wrong, and in a way they are right. But to me it will never change the fact that this wouldn’t have happened had I done better.

I was angry and confused when I first got the invitation. My older brother and I were as close as siblings could properly be. When I learned about his wedding from the invitation and not from him I know something was wrong. When did he even start dating? We were close wont we? He was my confident and I thought I was his, at least that’s what he made me believe. Then there was his bride to be cadence.

I knew it wasn’t her, from the start I knew that wasn’t my old foul sitter. We were as close as sisters. That wasn’t cadence, if it was she would have remembered are dance. Instead of dancing along she just stood there staring at me, she didn’t even seem to know me at first. I watched her as she went about, saw how she treaded my friends, cadence would never have acted like that. When I told my friends they said it was just stress, no amount of stress would have made cadence act like that.

The sound of heavy wings brings me out of my thoughts. Landing next to my bolder is a young dragoness covered in golden. I know why she’s here, they want to see me. They arrived shortly before dawn having smartly been traversing the desert at night. Six figures that I was easily able to pick out on the endless planes of sand and rock. I had notified the rest of the guard but otherwise did nothing as they passed my perch far above the path to the east gates. “I’m here to relieve you. Bedlam wishes to speak with you.” Upon hearing her words I rise from my spot letting my gaze linger on the endless desert in front of me. Turning around I look to the city, my watch post a few miles from the city walls. Spreading the bones that are my wings I take flight toward the center of the city.

They came for me, that is the only thought in my mind as I fly slowly to city. They came for me, just as they left me. Once again the past comes to the forefront of my mind. That was not cadence, I told them but they wouldn’t listen. I could have done better, bursting into the reception hall like I did. Yelling and calling her evil like I did, what was I thinking? Spike would say that I was thinking they were my friends and they would side with me, not the stranger they met that day. I shouldn’t blame them right? The way I looked, the way I sounded. It was me who filed right?

Regardless I was right, that wasn’t cadence. After they all left me sobbing there the imposter came and sent me to the caverns beneath canterlot. She was there, the real cadence. She knew me, she knew are dance. She was tired and sad but even then she was so kind as always. I lead her out back to the castle. A changeling, that’s what the imposter posing as cadence was.

Shaking the thoughts of the past out of my mind I try not to think about that changeling. I can’t let her be the image for their race. That is a sadly misunderstood race, you can find many changelings here both disguised and in their natural forms. Changelings are an insectoid equine race of shapeshifters that freed on love. Because of this power they are feared by many, especially after the attempted invasion. They really aren’t as bad as they may seem. I know a few and even went on a date with princes’ amabilia the daughter of the local hives queen.

Thinking about it now, there are many creatures that no one understands in the world. Races that no one wants to understand. I let my gaze linger on the many populace of the city as I take my leisurely flight to city hall. So many species call this city home, both of pure blood and mixed.

Thoughts of the misunderstood bring my thoughts back to bedlam and his race. In equestria all you would ever here about chaos magic is how evil it is and how all who use it are monsters. Oh how little they know. They think in my home land that discord is the only one of his kind. This is in fact wrong. This city was built by a draconequus. It was his magic mixing spikes blood with mine that made me what I am and saving my life. In equestria bedlam would be seen as just another monster, here he is a beacon of hop and an example for all. There are lots of species that would be seen as monsters in equestria, would I be too now?

Entering city hall I know that there isn’t much time before I have to face them again. Cadence and my brother shining armor stopped the invasion; it was proved I was right. But did anybody apologies for not believing me? For leaving me crying after their harsh words? Spike did, even after all this time he still never forgave himself for waking away with the others. It’s all right though; I forgave him and the others a long time ago after I came to this city. It is all right, isn’t it? I’m not mad at them, that’s not why I’m scared of seeing them again right?

I see the door to bedlams office now, I can spike yelling. He came looking for me after I snuck off, he wanted to protect me. He can do so now, his time here he learned a great deal and has grown a good deal to. He’s a guard like me now. As I draw near I can tell that most the yelling if coming from spike, he never did forget how they left me. Never forgot how he had left me. I wish he would let the past go like I have already.

I have let it go, haven’t I?

Author's Note:

This is a story base. If you want you can take this and go however you want. Answer the questions how you want. Will twilight for give them when she sees them? Will they aspect what she has become? What do the oc’s look like? What dose spike look like now? Is he human sized, a giant or about pony size? Was it one date or are twilight and amabilia dating full time. Are they already something more? I leave these questions to you to answer. If I do manage to make my own story I will post it but otherwise I only ask you let me know if you use this base so I can read it.

Comments ( 41 )

If Shining Armor is with the main five can you add a part of him get he butt kick by new and improve Twilight Sparkle please.

I am intrigued by this, if you could write this story i would be very grateful. if you need some help message me.

well this is an interesting idea.

Other then the few error I saw this would be an interesting story to read if you get around to it.

As said by others there are a few grammatical errors, but the whole idea of the story is very interesting and I would love to see more! :pinkiehappy:

...a genital breeze...

Spellcheck is not the end of editing.

DNC

9030403
How do i fix this? I cant find anything in the edit section.

9030459
you manually change it in the story

DNC

9030481
Thank you.

How the fuck did you get in the box if you can't even spell or punctuate or capitalize worth a damn?

9030643
While I wouldn't word it as... harshly, I'm afraid that by looking at the description, I have to agree. I haven't read the story itself yet, so I'll have to withhold real judgement for now. I may or may not be able to help you with spelling and grammar issues, I'm a part-time editor/proof-reader.

But anyway, congratulations on your first story getting on the feature box only three days after it's published, I guess?

Also, you now have accomplished something that, to my knowledge, no one else has done, though it's probably happened before. It makes you and this story special! So that's great for you! :twilightsmile:

You had a great idea and tried to make a good story to go along with it. That took courage and time. You're spelling and grammar need a great deal of work but I am sure you can do it. I would like to read more stories from you in the future.

An interesting idea. Although the execution is somewhat basic, that's expected. What needs to be said, is that you need an editor. Not horribly, but it still needs to happen. I can't remember what it's called, but I know that there is a group dedicated to editors somewhere on this site. Maybe check them out?

Please make more of this nicely done

DNC

9030138
This is based most entirely on things I learned by reading fanfiction. well I do wont to make a story from this myself, I want to wait until I watch more of the show first. If I am going to make a fanfic I want to know more about the original first. It will be awhile, but if you do want to help if and when I start it would be most appreciated.

I really like this idea and I hope that you and many other writers will continue this. :pinkiehappy:

Very interesting. Twilight is still a little annoyed by their actions, but not enough to despise them. While Spike is the one to be furious at them. Now with Celestia? I dont know if Twilight has anything against her or not.

Good Idea. Good Story. You desperately need a proof reader, but this is good. I Hope you continue it at some point.:twilightsmile:

Needs to be longer.

this is definitely a great base for an action love drama . i really like the name and bases of the town and how it combines the aspects of being a settlement of many species and cultures as will as introduce hybrids. it makes the reader ask a lot of questions that only themselves as inspiring writers can answer. you even good into the concept how how something that most people would expect to be evil but can at the same time be used for good. again reinforcing the concept of this story which what i take from it is "it's all in how you see things." or "your point of view." any how i think its a great story and i would love to use some of your characters and location in my own story.

DNC

9186179
Thank you, and feel free.:pinkiehappy: Looking forward to your story when it comes out.:pinkiesmile:

9186211
u can check out the prologue not the best writer tho but an advice ya have is welcome and thx for the permission

9186261
Really, WHERE?!

This story story needs a sequel. Stat.

They came for me, that is the only thought in my mind as I fly slowly to city. They came for me, just as they left me. Once again the past comes to the forefront of my mind. That was not cadence, I told them but they wouldn’t listen. I could have done better, bursting into the reception hall like I did. Yelling and calling her evil like I did, what was I thinking? Spike would say that I was thinking they were my friends and they would side with me, not the stranger they met that day. I shouldn’t blame them right? The way I looked, the way I sounded. It was me who filed right?

Regardless I was right, that wasn’t cadence. After they all left me sobbing there the imposter came and sent me to the caverns beneath canterlot. She was there, the real cadence. She knew me, she knew are dance. She was tired and sad but even then she was so kind as always. I lead her out back to the castle. A changeling, that’s what the imposter posing as cadence was.

I have let it go, haven’t I?

Is it just me, or does Twilight kinda sound like Ulysses here?

this is a good story hopefully you continue in some form like another one-shot or a multi chapter fic

It's a good concept, But a terrible read, no offense. I'm guessing English isn't your first language because HO BOY, that is some terrible, well, everything. Misspellings, incorrect words, missing words, punctuation where it doesn't belong, missing capitals. It's a mess, but if you ignore that, the story flows very well, which is rather important, and the issues aren't so egregious that I can't figure out what's being said.

DNC

9350676
Thank you.:pinkiesmile: No offense taken,:pinkiesmile: But if you believe it it English is my first language.:pinkiesad2: I'm really just that bad at gamer.:twilightblush:

i would love to see this turned into a thing

This would be pretty interesting as a full fledged story

I enjoyed this story. Please let me know if you or anyone else continues it.

This is an amazing story do you ever plan on expanding on it?

DNC

10036362
Can't say as is.:applejackunsure: I have given it a good bit of thought though.:applejackunsure:

Interesting read, interesting concept, need more of it! please expand on this AU

This is the forth time reading this.
Love the idea behind this and hope it gets expanded some time.
Will likely read again sometime in the future

I have let it go, haven’t I?

No one ever lets go of failures. You may forgiven them, but you can never trust them ever again.

Why is the word I capitalized in the actual story, but not in the synopsis?

DNC

10881414
I am terrible at grammar.:ajsleepy: I was not thinking about it at the time.:ajsleepy::applejackunsure:

I've read it again, still enjoy it. Still wonder if it will be expanded on by you or anyone else. I like the idea behind this.

I would love to see a continuation of this, let me know if anyone ever made or makes a continuation to this story, I would love to read it.

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