- Member Since 17th Mar, 2014
- offline last seen 6 hours ago
Steel Quill
A pony with too much time on his hooves and too much plot to work with, in more ways than one. Porn Pope (TM). Also on FA!
Steel Quill
Joined 17th Mar, 2014 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Steel Quill · 15k words · 340 16 · 21k views
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Wow! That cover art
is UNF
(Look at the tags)
memegenerator.net/img/instances/67179643.jpg
My body is ready!
c1.staticflickr.com/5/4153/5026281557_5a2c965943_b.jpg
9012922
Give it a read and tell me what you think!
Gorgeous. Really well written
9012922
I know, right? I am so sad Maarthul is retiring from posting art.
9012991
Thank you very much!
9013005
Are you serious?
Wait, WHAT? Nooooo!
9013036
Yup. Probably can't link the tumblr blog here, but he posted:
78.media.tumblr.com/927e05e17288a73f580664a2a448cb14/tumblr_opsvwfE6fM1qza1qzo1_500.gif
9013073
media.giphy.com/media/qPxxPgKwhDZYI/giphy.gif
Good stuff as usual.
That cover art
Amazing work as always!!!
Wanted to ask just out of curiousity, do you ever plan on making a fic with the focus on lactation? Would love to see that from you
Sequel! Do it!
Drunk enough to read this. Let's do it.
9013388
Good luck sir!
9013295
Hmm...well, I've done a couple of stories here and there that involved it, but not as a direct focus. Maybe if I get struck by inspiration down the line, perhaps. We'll see! Thank you for reading!
9013121
Thank you very much!
I officially love the ever living everything out of this.
It was already a hot day here, but now that I've read the story I'm melting
Another great job 
Are you planning for a sequel?
id like to see a sequel where Copper and Octavia become a couple
9013484
9013501
Thank you very much! Anything in particular stand out for you?
9013520
Hmm...not impossible. But it'd take some work to make happen.
The descriptions are appropriately evocative and precise. Your attention to detail is good, and it's also good that you take your time with the story itself (too many people fall into the trap of writing fics like this that are only 2-3k words, which inevitably results in Ikea porn). That said, one glaring flaw I found was incorrect dialogue punctuation. Seeing that kind of error in a piece that obviously displays competence really irritates me.
Here's a quick and dirty guide for applying it. There were some other, mostly more minor, issues I noticed, such as repeated dialogue tags that weren't said (e.g. "fired back" used twice in a row), a tense issue: "he tells her," the first paragraph made me think the story was in second person with its repeated use of "you" (perspective didn't become clear until the second paragraph, and you broke it when you said that her head could be seen above the fence), the exchange between the protagonist and his ex felt a bit like expo-speak (since he later explains what happened to Octavia), and there was frequent use of Burly Detective Syndrome.
The last point I have is the warning tags and the cover art felt incorrect relative to the proportions you gave her. I can tell you right now, an E cup is much, much smaller than the art, and isn't large enough to constitute the warning tag. Honestly, she looks like a thin version of Leanne Crow, who is an M cup. Don't get me wrong, you do a lot of things right, but there are quite a few basic aspects where your work falls short, and correcting them would lead to dramatic improvements, since a lot of the good things about your work are higher level than the shortcomings.
9013526
) on a piece of meat.
As said, I'd be interested to see a sequel of this, maybe see how or if Vinyl will join their triangle of 'friends with benefits' or if the relationship between Octavia and Copper will evolve in something deeper (maybe with some romantic adventure in public places). As for the story, aside for the obvious fetish of seeing a college boy with an older and taller woman, I think that it was well paced and generally well written. I particularly enjoyed that spent a few Octavia seducing him instead of jumping at him like a starving puma (or cougar in this case
9013545
I didn't have an editor for this one this time around, only my own self, unfortunately. I wanted to publish before we got to next week, being a holiday week and all.
Thank you very much for the constructive criticism! Dialogue punctuation/tags is actually one of my weaknesses, something I am still learning to fix, as well as the other grammatical fixes. For all my experience in creative writing, technical aspects still cause me some level of trouble.
As for the cup size point, I admit I didn't quite know how to properly measure out the size there. I mean, going off the picture that inspired it, Octavia is obviously very large, larger than average easily. So I'll go back and fix that as per your suggestions. Thank you again!
9013526
The idea that Octavia is in this position and that indeed she is a lady that knows what she wants. Plenty of times outside of the Fan Relationship with Vinyl she comes off as aloof and overly serious. But here she is a voluptuous and very capable musician who prefers a stay-cation because traveling around and playing for others is her whole career, and a genuine rest for her is going to the nice house that she got for herself and Vinyl (or Vinyl got, I have no idea which makes more) and just lounges by HER pool and enjoys her two weeks of summer.
The adding of Copper adds to her because again, she prefers younger strapping men even if they are a tad short. And here she is thinking to herself that little skinny brat he was going out with has no idea what she is missing, and says to herself. "You know what? He is mine now, you had your chance, I now get a new boytoy to compliment my little holiday, Tata! Copper come here and suck on my tits!"
So yeah, seeing her simply being more loose and having fun out of her own volition is great.
That and DAMN I envy that kid.
That is all.
9013551
I see, I see. Well, right now, no ideas are running just because I need downtime to recharge and see what I'd want to do next, obviously. A sequel to this wouldn't be impossible, like I said, but I'd have no idea of where to take that or how to approach it and retain the same spirit I have here in this story.
9013572
I'm glad you got such enjoyment from those concepts. I really wanted to run on the idea of the whole cougar/older woman motif here, because 1.) It's not employed very often anymore, and 2.) I wanted to make a good, summer of fun fic for folks to enjoy. This is what came out of that brainstorm.
I am very grateful though that my story earns such observations. Thank you again!
9013395
Got about half way through before finally sobering up (ran out of booze!) and heading to bed. Tomorrow though... I shall return. Probably with less alcohol in me and more... other stuff. iykwim.
What a perfect way to end this.
9013620
I look forward to hearing your remarks by the end!
9013623
It was the only proper ending I could really think of, for the story. Every other attempt just plain fell flat, haha.
9013557
Just keep referring to the page I linked and go through your work and correct the issue until it's gone. Then keep referring to it as you write new material. Do this until it becomes second nature. That's how I learned the basic mechanics of writing--just doing that method one at a time with each aspect, from dialogue, to commas, to semicolons, and so on.
Here are some resources for talking about boobs: How to measure bra sizes, and Boobpedia. I can't link the latter because it's NSFW, but you can probably guess what it's about. The rule of thumb is each letter = 1 inch from the chest. A DD cup is the same as an E cup, and DDD is the same as F. To determine cup size based on artwork, just guess how many inches from the chest the boobs reach.
On a somewhat related note, thanks for giving me something to keep in mind when I'm on the clopfic panel at Bronycon next month.
9013646
And thank you for the resources as well!
You're welcome! I think? I'll take it as a good thing
9013036
Don't be sad because he's retiring, smile because he drew.
That and there's still Suirano art, and he dosen't seem to be quitting soon.
With that ending, we better get a sequel where Copper wakes up and sees Vinyl and Octavia rubbing their cunts together.
9013841
I can promise nothing, but I wholeheartedly encourage imaginations of the lewd variety
9013660
Oh, it's mainly regarding research and knowing how to portray proportions. You know, stuff like how cup size works, etc.
Me when i saw this:
After reading it:
Dont really have much else to say honestly, it was very fun and satisfying, and all the flaws were already pointed out by the people in the comments below.
It was very interesting, barely any fics like this where the girls are portraied as older women hitting on young guys, nice job.
Altough it would've been nice to see Rosemary pop up at the end looking over the fence and just be boiling with rage and Octavia just giving her a huge smirk, but thats just me.
9015286 Thank you very much!
So...Sequel any time? The sooner, the better please.
9015643 Well, I cant say anything for right now. But if there’s like, stupid massive demand, I’ll definitely give it worthy consideration.
Excellent! Your pacing of the events in the story is borderline perfect. I thoroughly enjoy your writing style, and I think that you did an amazing job portraying the character's interests in a way that makes them incredibly believable. This is an amazing story, that I would also love to see a sequel to at some point. Thank you for sharing it with us.
9015767
feel free to check out my other works too!
Thank you so much! I’m really glad you enjoyed it so much.
9015791
Will do!
Now I want to see a follow up with a three way of Vinyl, Octavia, and Copper. My mind is creating all kinds of hijinks.
I can always enjoy a bit a naughtiness involving one or both of Vinyl and Octavia. Really like the way Octavia was written. I gotta request something involving best pony Vinyl, and would expect something equally as good as this.
Hot.
Shall I compare this to a summer's day? It is more lovely and more temperate.
...this... was fantastic. Now I just need a threesome sequel where Copper discovers that not only one, but TWO of his neighbors are the sexiest and more willing women ever.
Also, I feel like Vinyl is the type to keep toys. Like, alot of toys. Copious amounts of toys. Insane amounts of toys.
And just like that, I need to do laundry... I normally do laundry on a Sunday...