Im loving the idea behind this story. I cant help but wonder how everyone will react to Spike's big reveal(If this is planned)... other than Twilight and Cadance of course
There's a few misplaced letter hear and there, like in Harshwinny's name when Spike makes it to the lunch table, but pretty good. I'm really hoping you keep up this quality of writing when you start to get around to the more M stuff. A lot of stories that are "porn with plot," so to speak, get weaker when the saucy stuff is on the page.
I also wholeheartedly agree with Luna at the end. I'd have done the same thing.
The best way I could think of Tree Hugger's speech would be from Cheech and Chong. Those are the ones that usually come up more often when someone thinks of the Hippy culture.
I love what your doing I hope you make the chapters a little longer tho but other then that good work can't wait to see where you take this story next.
Twilight fell behind a tad as her mind was elsewhere. ~Smelled good and tasted good huh?~ Twilight thought to herself as her fingers ran through her mane. She absentmindedly brought a bit of her mane to her face and sniffed it. ~What does spike smell? She asked herself before nibbling slightly on her mane. ~What does spike taste?~ She asked before realizing what she was thinking about. She shook her head wildly to clear it before realizing just how far behind she had fallen, and ran to catch up.
C C
It was spike's turn to sigh. "I don't feel good about it... but fine," He said relenting to his cousin.
C
"Mr. Wyrven, Mrs. Silvermane had made it pointedly clear that I may have offened you during class, and I want to apologize," Ms, Harshwhinny said, but spike could see that she was forcing it a little bit.
Wyvern offended C One might interpret the “forcing it a little bit” part as her disliking Spike and thus not wanting to apologize to someone she dislikes, but I see it as being the sensible “I don’t think I actually did anything wrong” kind, because she didn’t.
"Sorry about that," Spike said before turning to Tree Hugger. "And It's... Radical to meet you too Tree Hugger," Spike forced out, not too sure on how to approach her.
D
"Whoa man, you need to like, mellow out. Don't try to be something your not as your aura will get all messed up and it won't show it's beauty," She said, making spike nod slowly.
you’re its C
"Ok . Is it Ms. or Mrs?" Spike asked, wanting to get it right the first time.
Remove the spaces after "Ok"
"Ms. Hugger must I remind you that Dean Cadance reprimanded you last year for you you 'harmonized' with your students?" Ms. Harshwhinny interrupted, earning a relaxed look from Tree Hugger.
I think you meant “for when you”
Just as their conversation finished up Spike let out a loud belch as fire escaped his maw, shocking the table and a few students standing nearby. Confusion was mixed into the fray as a scroll now landed on the table. Several of the teachers, including Mrs. Silvermane, were about to ask about the scroll but were interrupted by spike.
C
It didn't take long before the bell began to ring, making spike wolf down his food as he hurried to finish his lunch. Thankfully he only had one class after this before the students went to their classes that required specialized tools and classrooms. What Spike didn't tell the teachers was that he was in the middle of chewing when the letter came, so the joke was on Celestia today.
C
"Sister?!" A dark blue alicorn asked in amused shock. She found it quite amusing to see her sister send a letter to her son to, only seconds later, get covered in a half chewed Sapphire and hay burger.
That was a funny read maybe that will teach her don't send message during lunch. And I can't wait to see when he has to tell them all the truth about his real name and how they all react to it when he does.
Funny idea with his fire I loved it!!!!!:)
Tree Hugger has that sexy hippie/succubus kind of vibe.
Im loving the idea behind this story. I cant help but wonder how everyone will react to Spike's big reveal(If this is planned)... other than Twilight and Cadance of course
There's a few misplaced letter hear and there, like in Harshwinny's name when Spike makes it to the lunch table, but pretty good. I'm really hoping you keep up this quality of writing when you start to get around to the more M stuff. A lot of stories that are "porn with plot," so to speak, get weaker when the saucy stuff is on the page.
I also wholeheartedly agree with Luna at the end. I'd have done the same thing.
its still a little too short for my liking but you are getting there ;) and i really like the story good job
The best way I could think of Tree Hugger's speech would be from Cheech and Chong. Those are the ones that usually come up more often when someone thinks of the Hippy culture.
I love what your doing I hope you make the chapters a little longer tho but other then that good work can't wait to see where you take this story next.
C for Capitalize, D for De-capitalize.
C
C
C
Wyvern
offended
C
One might interpret the “forcing it a little bit” part as her disliking Spike and thus not wanting to apologize to someone she dislikes, but I see it as being the sensible “I don’t think I actually did anything wrong” kind, because she didn’t.
D
you’re
its
C
Remove the spaces after "Ok"
I think you meant “for when you”
C
C
D
Dry
That was a funny read maybe that will teach her don't send message during lunch. And I can't wait to see when he has to tell them all the truth about his real name and how they all react to it when he does.