The rest of Sunset's school day went off without a hitch and as she exited through the front door and saw her friends talking in front of the Wondercolt statue she began preparing herself for the conversation she was about to have as she moved towards them.
As she got closer Sunset said, "Hey girls I need to talk."
Rainbow Dash was the first to respond as she turned to her and said, "Oh hey Sunset, what you need me to super speed you home or something?"
Sunset shook her head as she said, "No that's fine... I figured out that as long as I don't talk most people won't freak out. I actually kind of have something bigger to talk about."
At this Twilight then had a look of concern as she said, "Oh my gosh Sunset, are you OK."
Sunset seeing her concern raised her hoof to reassure Twilight as she said, "Oh no no no. There is nothing wrong with me it's just... well do you girls remember the Dazzlings?"
At this Pinkie suddenly perked up as she said, "Pffth remember them... how could I forget them, I mean they come into Sugarcube Corner all the time to get one of my Sorry You Can't Afford Cake, Hope Your Financial Situation Improves Soon Cakes."
Sunset instantly looked bewildered as she said, "Wait, but they said they wore disguises when they did that?"
"Yeah... you should tell them that fake mustaches, while cool looking, aren't the best disguises," said Pinkie Pie.
Applejack then glanced at Pinkie Pie before saying, "Well ignoring the fact that Pinkie apparently knew where the girls who almost took over our world were this whole time," she then turned to Sunset as she said, "So you're talking to them huh?"
"Yeah," said Sunset unsure of where this conversation was going to end up.
"And since you didn't call us immediately I'm guessing they are most likely interested in reforming," said Rarity.
"Well Sonata and Aria are but Adagio," began Sunset before she launched into the full story of everything that happened from seeing Adagio's memories, to offering them friendship, to Adagio's banishment, and finally the two girls who are now crashing on her couch.
After it was all said and done the girls just stood for a moments before Fluttershy, of all people, spoke up simple saying, "Oh my."
"Yeah no kidding... that Adagio really needs to crank it down like twenty per-OWW," began Rainbow before Applejack flicked her on the back of the head to interrupt her.
Applejack looked at her before saying, "Hold on now sugarcube, now I'm not saying I condone what she did but I can at least understand her train of thought... I mean if someone tried to do something to Applebloom like what that Neighsay feller did to them I know I wouldn't want to trust her to anyone else for awhile, let alone someone who took away our home, and I'm sure you'd feel the same way with Scootaloo."
Rainbow had a brief moment of annoyance cross her face before she crossed her arms and reluctantly said, "Yeah I guess."
"More importantly darling... how are Aria and Sonata holding up after all this," said Rarity.
"Well doing about as good as they can, they're trying to move on but are still kind of torn up about it," said Sunset.
"Well that's to be expected... you just don't get over something like that overnight," said Applejack.
"Yeah," said Sunset flatly as she glanced down, once again feeling the guilt of what she did.
Twilight sensed this and said, "But I'm sure they'll get over it with time.... for now though is their anything we can do to help you or them out with all this?"
Pinkie Pie then burst forward and said, "Oh I can try and throw them a cheer up party. I mean I know they still have to go through the grieving process but distractions after the lose of a loved one, while not usually able to speed up that process, can help subjects relax for a time as the simple repetition of a daily routine leaves them to grieve as they go through the motions," before smiling.
Sunset blinked for a second at this unexpected psychoanalysis before saying, "Yeah, I'm not sure if that's the best idea... I think they might want some time to them selves for awhile but I'm not totally sure. What do you girls think?"
They all stood silent for a moment before Fluttershy spoke up saying, "Well I'm not sure if what we think matters," before they all turned to her in confusion and she continued saying, "I mean the best way to know if they want alone time or not is to just ask them right?"
After that all the others had a look collective realization, followed by self deprecation at not considering that, come to their faces. Sunset then looked concerned as she said, "That's a great idea Fluttershy... But I can't just ask them "Do you want to hang out with my friends?" because that kind of sounds like I'm pressuring them to get over all this before they are ready."
"Fair point, but why don't you just ask them without asking?" said Fluttershy.
"What do you mean?" asked Sunset.
"Well they are probably gonna ask how your day was. You should just tell them about how you spent the day with us and all the stuff we did together and plan on doing together in the near future to see if they want to join in," said Fluttershy.
Sunset instantly perked up at this as she said, "That's perfect. Thanks Fluttershy."
Rainbow Dash smiled at this as she said, "Hmm, between this and the prank last night it looks like Discord's manipulative skills are really starting to pay off for you."
Fluttershy blushed as she quietly said, "I wouldn't exactly call Dissy manipulative... he just knows how to get what he wants and I really admire that." At that last statement her blush increased but the others chose not to acknowledge it.
Sunset began to trot off as she said, "Well I better get back to them, I know they said they would be fine for a few hours but that doesn't give me the right to leave them alone all day." Before she got too far though she realized something was missing from this conversation before she turned around and said, "Wait none of you are reluctant to trust them or anything?"
At this Rainbow spoke up saying, "Well duh, I mean it's not like they are the first world conquering or world destroying villains we've forgiven before."
Sunset then smiled as she said, "Fair point." Before she once again turned and started trotting away but once again she did not get to far as this time Flash Sentry moved in front of her.
He then said, "Oh Sunset, I've been meaning to talk to you about the whole calling you cute thing yesterday."
Sunset then had a stern but friendly look come to her face as she prepared for another hard talk with him and she began saying, "Yeah about that I-"
Flash, however, interrupted her as she said, "Well I didn't mean it... but it's not that you're not cute or anything I just didn't mean it like that... well I guess I did but I didn't mean to mean it like that," and he continued stammering on like this nervously.
Sunset, having already been through a round about conversation like this today, cut right to chase and yelled, "FLASH," to get his attention before continuing saying, "Look, I get it you're still trying to get over Princess Twilight and you were tempted to get back together with me because that would be like resetting to how things were before you even met her... but you know that's a bad idea because even though we've both changed a lot since last time we still aren't right for each other like that."
Flash then glanced at the ground saddened as he said, "I know... it's just hard how suddenly it ended you know."
Sunset then walked up to him and placed a reassuring hoof on him as she said, "Yeah, believe it or not I'm dealing with something similar right now and while I'm sure Princess Twilight would be more than willing to talk to you again to try and get this all sorted out, you know she doesn't exactly have the free time jump to another universe whenever she feels like."
"Yeah I guess," said Flash still saddened.
Sunset not knowing anything to do simply gave him a reassuring smile and continued on her way home.
Flash then continued to look down as he said, "Uhh, I just wish I could talk to her again," before absentmindedly kicking a rock into the Wondercolts statue, only to have it go through portal. He then began thinking as he said to himself, "Hmm maybe a princess doesn't have time to cross to another universe whenever she feels like.... but your average high school student does."
A few moments later back at Sunset's apartment.
Sunset walked through the door and gave a cheerful, "Hi girls," in an effort to make sure they are comfortable with all this.
That turned out to be a moot point as both of them were still sitting on the couch watching TV and they just gave her a simple, "Hey."
Sunset smiled as she said, "Well it looks like you two found a show you liked."
Sonata smiled as she said, "Yup. It's this awesome cartoon about these Japanese girls in a band going around the world and getting into all kinds of crazy misadventures," she then glanced back at the TV saying, "Oh I just love that Ami and her cheerful upbeat attitude."
At this Aria shrugged as she said, "She's alright I guess but I prefer Yumi, her punk rock not taking anything from anyone attitude is awesome," she then glanced over at Sonata before continuing saying, "and the fact that she is willing to put that aside for Ami when she needs to is cool too."
Sonata then glanced at Aria before saying, "Yeah... and it is good how Ami can get tough when she needs to for Yumi."
They both smiled at each other before Aria turned her attention to Sunset and said, "Well enough about us, how was your day?"
Sunset smiled back as she said, "Oh nothing much, classes were the same as always and me and my friends just hung out and talked about stuff like the new Power Ponies episode and the Halloween Bash next week."
"Halloween Bash huh, that sounds fun," said Sonata.
"Yeah, especially since your friend Pinkie Pie is probably throwing it," said Aria.
"Actually she isn't. I mean she's setting up the food and decorations and stuff but she herself is going to be out trick or treating," said Sunset.
At this Sonata instantly stood up and with a huge smile on her face she said, "Trick or Treating!"
Sunset slightly surprised at this said, "Yeah, she goes every year with her usual group of kids, and Vice Principle Luna for some reason."
"OHHH! I've always wanted to go trick or treating," said Sonata as she giddily jumped up and down.
"Wait you've never been?" asked Sunset confused.
Sonata instantly drooped down a bit as she said, "No... it doesn't seem like it would be fun to go alone and Adagio always said if I wanted candy I should just sing a song to make people give me candy and Aria would always say that it was little kids stuff."
Aria just shrugged as she said, "Well I mean it kind of is."
At this, Sunset started to have an idea as she said, "I mean, it's kind of kiddie but not really; like I said, Pinkie Pie and Vice Principal Luna do it... Now that I think about it, I think I might ask to join them this year if you want to do the same."
Sonata instantly perked back up as she said, "Really!?"
"Well yeah, I mean the whole point of me being a pony on Halloween is to feel like a little filly on Nightmare Night again and what better way to do that then to actually go out like I did when I was a filly," said Sunset with a warm smile on her face.
"OH MY GOSH! THAT WOULD BE AMAZING!" said Sonata as her glee greatly increased.
"I don't know..." said Aria as she trailed off in thought.
Sunset instantly went to work trying to think of a way to get Aria to agree when she glanced at the TV and finally saw this "Ami and Yumi" they were talking about and how their outfits were actually pretty simple before she said, "You know I bet Rarity could make you two outfits for these characters you like."
Sonata's excitement somehow went even higher as she said, "OMG! I GET TO BE AMI FOR HALLOWEEN!"
Aria however simply shrugged and said, "I guess if I get to dress up as someone as cool as Yumi then I'll be cool with it."
Sunset smiled at this as she grabbed the remote and took a screen shot to send to Rarity later, but as she was scrolling through the options she saw her own favorite show and decided what she wanted to be as she took a screen shot of her favorite angry little slice of pie to also send to Rarity. At this she thought to herself, "To quote Rainbow Dash, 'This is going to be so AWESOME!'"
Well thats nice, glad everyone is finding a way to be included
Also i actually remember watching that show sonata and aria were liking
Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi was not a reference I was expecting. Nice.
It seems that the Gibbs slap transcends the multiverse. I haven’t seen Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi for years. Nice to see it brought up.
This is gonna be interesting.
I'm really enjoying the direction this is taking. Really hoping Sonata and Aria can begin to find their place among the others. But as good as the plot is, there is an aspect here that I feel could use some work, and that is how you write dialogue. I've noticed that a good deal of the spoken dialogue lacks proper punctuation and that, in addition to combining several statements into one, tends to create run-on sentences that don't exactly flow very well or can be a bit difficult to interpret at first glance.
Let's take a look at an example:
As it currently stands, it seems like Sunset is trying to say all this in a single breath, similar to how Pinkie does at times. A few commas here and there for pauses would make for much better pacing, and the dialogue would sound more naturally spoken. Also, you'll want to separate different clauses with a semicolon or make them into standalone sentences. Let's look at that line again with the changes in mind.
See the difference? This way, not only does your story flow a little better, but it's also easier to read. You've certainly got a knack for plot and characterization but when it comes to grammar and syntax, if I'm being honest, I think you could benefit from having a pre-reader go over your chapters and proofread for errors. Not only will that help you to become a better writer, but who knows, you might also make a new friend.
Anyway, that's just my two bits' worth on the matter. I hope you find it helpful, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
I actually would not mind a story about Flash visiting Equestria.
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Thanks for the advice I just fixed that as well as a couple of other errors I could identify, and yeah you are right as grammar is not really my strong point. It's just whenever I have grammar sheets in front of me and actually try to follow the rules I end up getting them mixed up and making these abhorred sentences with ridiculous punctuation that is worse than any run-on you've ever seen.
I have thought about getting a proof reader to remedy this situation before and I think that it is a good idea. I'll probably make a blog post in a month or two asking for any interested parties when I have the free time to look over their work and decide who to work with.
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Oh don't worry you're gonna get details about what's going on with that later. Their is a simple reason as to why I am not writing a side story or chapter or anything directly about it (beyond the fact that some readers wouldn't like it) and unfortunately telling you would also spoil some things. I'd be happy to PM the reason if you don't care about that but I wouldn't want to post it the comment section for anyone to accidentally see.
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feel free to PM me if you'd like
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Admittedly, I had issues with grammar myself back in the day; if it hadn't been for my senior English professor figuratively drilling it into our heads day in and day out, I fear I'd still struggle with it to a similar degrees.
I'm sure you'll find one or two people who will be able to work with you. I'd love to help you out myself but due to my odd schedule, I doubt I could do much more than simply read through and make any corrections as opposed to actually sitting down and going over them with you. Not to mention, I don't exactly have a portfolio of sorts. Nonetheless, there are plenty of talented proofreaders here, and I'm confident they'll be more than willing to assist you as well. Good luck in your search.
Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi? Haven't thought of that show for years. Only ever watched because of Teen Titians. Man, I feel old now.
Why does google say there was a single season four episode in 2016?!?
Of course! Fluttershy and George Takei were the same person all along. Never watched Ami Yumi, it came out after I stopped paying for cable and I never got much cross pollination from webcomics I followed or the like.
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Now I want George Takei to be the voice of Flutterguy in G5.
This must be a thing!
For the ending line, you messed up a little. When one character is quoting another, you do " and then '. Not two ".
9314638
Just fixed it, thanks for the help
OUU
I have to say this other has definitely got some good taste in anime I mean I highly doubt it anyone would remember the AmiYumi Show
I love puffy Ami yumi!! Sonata and aria switched 1 red head for another
I was not expecting a reference to Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi, can't say I'm dissapointed tho.
Nor do trench coats and fedoras.
V.P. Luna is just an overgrown kid when she is off duty