Pinkie has always been the "odd" one out of her group, what with all her weird tendencies, weird thoughts and occasional moments where she Talks to nothing breaks the fourth wall.
But her friends have always just tried to leave her alone and not really question it, knowing that she means well and wouldn't be the element of laughter if she didn't
But when she blows up the dock at Camp Everfree after just having rebuilt it for the something like the fourth time, that's when thing start getting a little...iffy.
And Fluttershy agrees.
Sometimes, magic (and life in general) has a funny way of making one realize they're not perfect.
takes place a day after the post-credits scene in Legend of Everfree
once again, graciously and painstakingly Edited by Nightalker
Ellipses only have 3 periods...
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This review is brought to you by the group,"A for Effort".
Name of Story: That One Moment
Total Score out of 10: 6
Pros: Your story was legible, which is rarer than I like to admit. Grammar was sufficient, and no noticeable spelling errors.
Cons: My biggest complaint would be that the characters seem very out-of character. I had a hard time picturing this conversation playing out between Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. Both of them were too quick to anger or raise their voice, and Pinkie Pie especially seemed to lack her signature "Inexplicable Wisdom." I find that in most situations, Pinkie Pie would be well aware of her mistake, especially when it caused such distress to others. Her guilt would come naturally, and wouldn't be deflected like this. Besides this, there were a small number of simple grammar mistakes such as a missing comma here or an improper tense verb there. Quite minor. Though I must also mention that the pacing of the story was far too fast, and that one-sided walls of text in a dialogue is difficult to read and digest. I found myself struggling to focus on the discussion and even after re-reading paragraphs several times I am still rather confused as to the point or purpose of the story here.
Additional Notes: While passable, there is a great deal to learn from this. Most notably the pacing and character development. While everyone has a breaking point, characters such as these often have well-established patterns to their behavior. I know, this is a work of fiction and not at all canon, but the characters become alien when they stray too far from the pre-existing foundations from which they are built. As someone who has made this mistake before in my own writing, I can only emphasize the impact this has. Additionally, I would suggest breaking up walls of text using descriptions of body movement or non-verbal action in separate paragraphs. That way, the reader has a moment to digest instead of having to choke on the big emotional climax all at once.