Indestructible 2.0

by Gunzerker343

indestructible

Indestructible

Pure rage was the emotion that he has always felt. Anger at always being left behind, and that his love did not even recognize that he was even there. She just used him. He gave her everything: his scales, his gems, even that delicious fire ruby. What did she say? ''Oh that’s my little spikey-wikey!''. Who was the one that tried to fight off the diamond dogs? Him, even though he was still a little Drake. He was the one who tried and tried to keep the library in order, and help his supposedly
older sister help her find those books. Heck, without him she would accidentally burn down the library. Did any pony say thank you? No, it was always ''Spike, do this.'' or ''Spike, do that.'' He was sick and tired of that. That was why he unleashed Discord. He was given the power he has rightfully deserved.
Discord even let him destroy Ponyville and kill everypony there. They tried to stop him, oh how they tried. Actually it was kinda fun to light the Wonderbolts on fire and then set fire to sweet apple acres and the forest. If you listened hard enough you could hear Fluttershy crying.

Part 2

But that was just the beginning, next came the library. He decided to mess with Twilight and set the top of the building on fire first. He heard her trying to save every book and then run outside. If only you could have seen the look on her face as she saw the dark purple and green scales against the light of the fire. Priceless. She begged for me to come back. She said that everything would be fine. Then I showed her Fluttershy. She just gave a blank look so I then I killed her too and added some irony into her death by breaking her legs. Then I ripped open the top of the library, took some burning books and placed them in a line so that the fire would eventually reach her body. That one was fun. Then I realized something. Applejack Pinkie Pie and fluttershy did not do crap to me, so I let them live. That left Rarity, the bitch had it coming, treating me like a pincushion when I helped her get over Blue Blood. Not this time. Oh no, she will pay. This… is what happened.
I ripped the top off the boutique, grabbed her, and showed her what I did to Fluttershy and Twilight. With her still in my hand, I was about to crush her to death then I heard a faint but audible ''No.'' So, I turned my head back to the boutique and low and behold it was Sweetie Belle. Thinking of an even more devilish idea to torture Rarity, I picked up Sweetie Belle, brought her to eye level and with my razor sharp claws and was about to cut her head open right in front of Rarity. However, she asked the most puzzling question I have heard since my slaughter began, ''Why?'' So, before I killed her I told her why.
She just started bawling and, me being me, I just shrugged and started to close my hand ever so, crushing her until I heard the most beautiful sound ever: the squish of her brain as it exploded. That sound was just perfect and foretold of a mess that is easy to clean up, just shake your hand and then you’re good. So, I went back to Canterlot just in time to see you cut the heads off of Celestia and Luna. So, I thought I might as well join you at the top and see what our future plans are.
”Well, Spike, since we have taken over Canterlot we might as well take over the rest of Equestria!” cackled Discord, “So next on the list is Fillydelphia. Go fly over there and begin the assault.”
I left to fly to Fillydelphia, but the smoke from Canterlot and Ponyville had warned them so they prepared for an attack. Fillydelphia was once a major city and as such they had enormous defenses, including a 20 foot wide uranium depleted titanium dome. Neither I nor Discord could get through that barrier, but he thought of a way to get through.

Part 3

I left on the quest that Discord had sent me on to the Land of the Dragons. They used to be hunted and killed by ponies so finding some of their kind who has had enough of the ponies was simple. They quickly joined our cause, and since only the oldest dragons survived the hunts they already had the ability to breathe fire. With all of the elder dragons surrounding the dome and melting the titanium we had an easy time getting through to Fillydelphia to start the rampage.
It was like that everytime we got to a major city that had too many defenses or an extreme amount of offensive units. Discord called in the dragons. When we had time to rest I usually left Discord to go out with a certain dragoness that I had relations with. Her name was Ember, she was the most beautiful dragoness that I had laid my eyes on. She had the perfect blend of red and black scales that if she was in the dark you wouldn’t even know that she was there, and her eyes were as blue as the night sky. The problem was the war. After the war, I was marveled as a hero who ended the reign of the ponies.
I married her and we lived as royalty. Our land and country prospered under my reign and eventually your mother gave birth to you, and that Son, is how we end this story for now. But it will change in the future as I will eventually give you the throne to sit back with ember and enjoy life. And eventually you will your own love and have a child of your own and be sure to tell him this story.

Comments

[arandompenguin]

Couple of things,
1. You should add the OC tag as that isn't covered by the other tag.
2. You just describe the events, the only mention of emotion is at the beginning, you should go into more depth about Spike's anguish and anger towards the ponies, get the reader to really feel for him.
3. You switch between third and first person, it is extremely important to keep your perspective consistent when writing but you switch between 'he' and 'I'.
4. You said he let Fluttershy live, yet you show Fluttershy to both Twilight and Rarity so I assume she's been killed and being used as an example.
5. At one point you write, 'just in time to see you cut the heads off of...' who are you talking about?
6. What irony is it to break Twilight's legs? I don't get what you mean by it being ironic.

[BR]

This wasn't the best thing I read, but I can give you some tips.
1. Get an editor.

2. Get a cover page.

3. The story has no depth. It's only about Spike killing everyone.

[Gunzerker343]

1016825>>1016805 no offense but since this is going to be the only story i will ever write i don't really care

[arandompenguin]

1018132
What? Why is this going to be the only story you're ever going to write?

[Gunzerker343]

1018215 cause i just have too much going on in the near future i have my games that i want to play school and a job so i don't have the time to make any story

[arandompenguin]

1018972
It's your choice, but there is always time to write.

[Gunzerker343]

1018987 true but to write about what is the problem

[arandompenguin]

1019017
Are you asking what to write about? If so then the answer is anything and everything. Not every piece of writing has to be a novel, even if you just write a diary or a recollection you had whilst in the park, or a short piece of the food you ate. Any sort of writing will help you.

[Gunzerker343]

1019049 no it's just that i only write about things that are important to me or songs the i like

[arandompenguin]

1019126
That's fine too.

[Gunzerker343]

1016825 what wrong with killing every thing

[Night Fury the Black]

Well, that was interesting.....

But, I kind of agree, Rarity did have it coming.