• Member Since 20th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 31st, 2018

Gunzerker343


T

cause of the character limit i'm just going to use the other tag. spike's son wants to know why is his dad so famous so spike sit's him down and tell's him about the great war. spike's pov

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

Couple of things,
1. You should add the OC tag as that isn't covered by the other tag.
2. You just describe the events, the only mention of emotion is at the beginning, you should go into more depth about Spike's anguish and anger towards the ponies, get the reader to really feel for him.
3. You switch between third and first person, it is extremely important to keep your perspective consistent when writing but you switch between 'he' and 'I'.
4. You said he let Fluttershy live, yet you show Fluttershy to both Twilight and Rarity so I assume she's been killed and being used as an example.
5. At one point you write, 'just in time to see you cut the heads off of...' who are you talking about?
6. What irony is it to break Twilight's legs? I don't get what you mean by it being ironic.

BR
BR #2 · Aug 2nd, 2012 · · ·

This wasn't the best thing I read, but I can give you some tips.
1. Get an editor.

2. Get a cover page.

3. The story has no depth. It's only about Spike killing everyone.

1016825>>1016805 no offense but since this is going to be the only story i will ever write i don't really care

1018132
What? Why is this going to be the only story you're ever going to write?

1018215 cause i just have too much going on in the near future i have my games that i want to play school and a job so i don't have the time to make any story

1018972
It's your choice, but there is always time to write.

1018987 true but to write about what is the problem

1019017
Are you asking what to write about? If so then the answer is anything and everything. Not every piece of writing has to be a novel, even if you just write a diary or a recollection you had whilst in the park, or a short piece of the food you ate. Any sort of writing will help you.

1019049 no it's just that i only write about things that are important to me or songs the i like

1016825 what wrong with killing every thing

Well, that was interesting.....

But, I kind of agree, Rarity did have it coming.

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