Home
“…hospital.”
The portal opened and took on the purplish hue of Twilight’s magic. Running back to Roger, she took a mouthful of his shirt and began dragging him toward the portal.
“Twilight,” Roger said. “What are you doing, the portal’s open, you need to go.” Roger’s plea went unheeded as one by one the other ponies helped pull Roger toward the portal. Pinkie even managed to convince Fluttershy to help, Twilight didn’t hear the full conversation but it had something to do with her Element of Harmony. As the group made it through the portal, Twilight raised her head just slightly enough to see Roger’s face as he passed out.
* * *
Twilight awoke on a hospital lounge chair sitting bolt upright. On either side of her were the sleeping forms of her friends all getting well-deserved rest. It was at this point Twilight realized Rarity wasn’t the only one who looked ragged; everypony was in desperate need of a bath and a hairbrush, but they had all refused to go home until they received word on Roger.
It was quite a sight when the group came through the other side of the portal. They had ended up on the third floor where a small group had formed around the opening. Needless to say, a group of nurses and doctors suddenly confronted with a gaping hole to another dimension with six horribly mattered ponies and a never before seen creature coming out of it created a chaos Discord would be proud of.
After Twilight had a chance to explain what had happened and Roger’s predicament he was rushed away to surgery while the ponies where escorted to the lobby. There they had stayed for almost a day now waiting for word of his condition. Twilight looked around the room and saw everypony that had come to join them. Spike, Sweetie Bell, the Cakes with twins, the entire Apple Family, Twilight was surprised when the mayor herself didn’t show up.
Everypony had been so happy to know Twilight and her friends were ok, they all decided to spend the night with them in the lobby. There was probably a friendship lesson in that she should write the princess about, but after what Spike had told her happened to Ponyville since they left, a letter explaining what happened to them over the past few days sounded better. Twilight was about to drift back to sleep when one of the nurses walked into the room from the main section of the hospital.
“Everypony,” she said in a voice loud enough to wake the sleeping forms, but soft enough to do it gently. “Your friend has stabilized and as far as we can tell he’s going to be fine. The object lodged in him required extensive surgery to remove and we were working on a creature we had never studied, but the doctor has instructed me to inform you that the surgery will be classified as a success.” Twilight let out a sigh of relief and could hear her friends do the same. It was good to know she had made the right choice in bringing him here. “However, we don’t seem to be able to communicate with him. Is anypony here familiar with his language?” Twilight got out of her chair and walked to where the nurse stood.
“Wait, I can talk to him to!” Pinkie said. “Can I come?” Pinkie hopped after Twilight, something she was happy to be able to do again.
“I might not be as good as you two, but I can understand some of the things he says.” Rarity added as she trotted behind the bouncing pink pony.
“I’m sure Roger will want to see all of us,” Twilight said, checking the nurse pony’s reaction before inviting her friends to join her.
The group followed the nurse into a large room close to the lobby door, Roger had been placed on two beds that had been pushed together and slings had to be attached to his feet so they wouldn’t hang off the bed. Roger’s shirt had been removed and a layered wrap covered his midsection.
“Six to see you sir,” the nurse said before leaving.
“Somehow that didn’t sound like feeding time.” Roger said. As Roger slowly sat up and saw the ponies come to visit a huge smile crossed his face. “Thank god, someone to talk to, Twilight I’m thankful you brought me here but I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to help me tell the nurse what I eat, that sandwich tasted like it was full of grass. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if it was grass.” Twilight smiled.
“Unlikely, but it could have been ferns.” Twilight and her friends gathered around Roger and with a nod from the others, Twilight looked up at Roger with a glint in her eyes. “The girls and I have been talking, and we know you may not want to, but we’d like to invite you to stay with us until you recover. Of course you can go home at any time, but you’re welcome here as long as you’ll stay.” Roger thought it over for a moment.
“I suppose in my condition travel is out of the question, and what better place than Ponyville to recover from a traumatic experience. But I don’t know Twilight, you sure you want the reminder of what you learned in my world?” Twilight nodded.
“Even if we aren’t real there, we are here, you were such a good host to us it would be wrong for us not to offer.” Roger thought this over.
“Well… I could stay a day or two, ‘till I got better that is, no longer.” He said. Twilight smiled at her new friend, maybe Roger didn’t belong here and maybe he would fit it perfectly, but after what she and her friends had been through, somehow this creature from another world seemed like a long lost friend.
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I seem to have the ability to see the endings of fics before release. Cause this is how I figured the ending after thinking about it.
1278768
Well I hope that didn't spoil it for you, my next story will be released in a few days, if you can predict THAT ones ending, i'll have to invent a prize to give you, hope you stick with me to read it, i'd love to know if you could keep up this streek.
1278777 It was... Mayor Mare in the Kitchen with the croquet mallet!
Heh, but nah didn't spoil it for me in fact I'm a sucker for the happy endings.
1278840
As per your request, i'll give no spoilers, but i think you'll like my next story if your type is what i think it is.
1278852 I eagerly await further content /commencewatch
Nice ending, but really unexpected with his daughter going crazy.I hope your next story is just as good or better. :) And I eagerly await the next one.
1280523
Wait, you mean to tell me when i tried to build up suspence for an unexpected payoff, I actually did it!
WHOOOO
You sir have just made my day, Now i have to make the next story great.
Okay, I have read this one in full and I have much to say.
First how dare you take away Pinkie's pinkieness, for shame... just kidding. In truth I can believably say that what happened to them is logically possible so props on that.
Secondly when you introduced the ponies to the internet the first thing that went through my mind is Twilight finding pictures of her shipped with her friends, princess Celestia/Luna or some other background pony. And I was sooooooo hoping for it just to see what the reaction would be. I could imagine Rarity fainting dead away, Applejack and Rainbow Dash either wide eyed in embarrassment or disgust. Pinkie I'm sure would just laugh at the absurdity. As for Fluttershy... I think she would blush and hide. And Twilight would just stare and wonder why such imagery exists.
Thirdly the daughter going bat shit crazy at the end was expected but truth be told I expected drugs in the bag, don't know why but I did.
Lastly that was a smart move on Twilights part to go directly to Ponyville hospital. Get back to Equestria and same the life of a friend in one fell swoop.
All in all a very enjoyable read.
1281403
thanks for the comment, and the watch.
On the subject of them on the internet, I had SOOOOO much planned that never went through. I'd tell you about it now but i'm going to have to explain it all again in the authers notes so i'll just tell you to wait untill then.
It's not surprising you thought it was drugs, as i did drop one or two nudges toward that conclution (go back and read the section where Twilight first notices Lillys need to hold the bag, theres a few lines that are clearly sudgesting that.) however if i had gone the route the climax wouldn't of been nearly as strong.
Hope you like the authers notes, I actually just got done wrighting the third instalment and there shaping up nicely.
Balls! This could have gone on so much longer! Either way, this was a great (but premature) end to a great story! By the way, what's your next story gonna be about?
1281541
I 100% agree, this had a lot of potential to be a lot longer. I had several sceans and ideas that didn't make it into the final cut of this story, but I eventually settled on this length for a good reasone i ashure you.
As for my next story, I hesitate to give away to many details, but seeing as your one of my longest standing fans i'll give you a small summery.
As we all know, long before Equestria was under the rule of the Royal Pony Sisters, or in fact was under anyponys rule at all. The three clans had a peacfull, if fragile, relationship. This relationship however was not built on harmony, but mistrust and envy of the other clans, fostering deep resentment. When the leaders of the clans anounced there plans to found Equestria, while many trusted in there judgement, hate and fear caused some to stay behind. One such pony was an Earth stallion, who refused to allow his familly to asociate with the other clans and thus while his village left, stayed with them, hopeing the storms and cold would eventually pass. The story, titled Journal, is told through the diary entrys of this stalions son, as they try to scrape out a living.
Now that i've told you that however i have a slight favor to ask, I don't usually push this on people, as I want to earn there atention not force them to veiw me, but i've very much enjoyed your comments and hummbly request you watch me, If for no other reasone then to get that little pick me up after I post a chapter, you've helped a lot to motivate me to get these chapters out and i'd love to see you continue to do that. It's your choice and i'll have no hard feelings if you say no, but it would make me very happy if you did.
1281657
Of course! I just hope I like Journal just as much as Portal to Another World! I look forward to it!
1281856
I hope you like it to, look for it in the next couple of days.
Ah, did expect that ending, but as XCABAL said, I'm a sucker for happy endings
Although, I think one more chapter could sum it up nicely. Where Roger returns and has a long conversation with Lilly. Journal sounds very intriguing. Just to clarify, you're talking in reference to the Hearth's Warming Eve episode right? It just popped in my head as I read the comment about it. Best of luck, and if you ever want another proofreader, just let me know
1284253
You bring up a valid idea, but there are three reasones why a scene like that (i had a similer idea) didn't make the final cut and i ended the story here. 1. Twilight most likely would not have joined him on his journey back, and i would have to switch perspectives to his which would completely throw off the feel of the story. 2. I wanted to keep Ponyville out of this story as much as possible, thats why the last chapter is so short, and before i sent Roger back i'd have to let him stay there at least a day or two to recover. and 3. I wanted to leave Lilly's fate open to the reader, for all we know she could be dead, scicologicully scared, or on the run now desperate to never see her father again, I have my personal idea, (which i didn't include here) and you can beleave whatever you want to be true is, if i nailed down what happened when he got back, it wouldn't make it as open.
And yes I speak in reference to Hearth's Warming Eve, I take by your comment that you will be staying to see my next work?
1284468 Ah, I hadn't considered those reasons. And, definitely I will be staying to see your next work of art.
1284557
i'm glad to hear that, the more the merier.
1329679
In order of comments posted.
I promise to do more reasurch next time I want to include something like that, I don't have any medical experiance so you'll have to forgive me for that.
That is easily one of my favorite scenes in the story, probablly not my MOST favorite as I do have at least two I like just as much, but i'm glad your getting all the little things that went into that moment.
One of the things this story centers on character wise is the ponies slow decent into a kind of anamalistic state, the transformation is very graduall and there are bound to be some hicups, my best answer (without spoiling anything, for if I actually broke it down for you i'd ruin the story's ending) is. She's Pinkie Pie, this is the only REALLY Pinkie thing she does in this fic after leaving ponyville, so despite the implausibility I get one free pass.
1330435
Funny story, I actually put that line in right as seasone 2 ended (this story was in production for a LONG time) I thought by the time i released it seasone 3 would be out, I was wrong.
1332177
That's the million doller question.
So, now that I have read it in its entirety, it is time for a review I suppose...?
Well, first things first, you need to get (another) editor. Clearly some mistakes have slipped though his/ her fingers. They are minor, but whatever the reason they are slipping through, so they clearly need assistance. More editors are usually a good thing...
From start to finish, your story was both intriguing and engaging, and rather enjoyable to read. Save that one part where we learned of Roxanne's fate...that struck a little too close to home for me. However, that is not a detractor, but rather a good thing. It gave me yet another reason to connect with and empathize with Roger (and to Lilly, until she shot him...) The characters were very organic and immersive. I especially liked how you dealt with the language barrier, keeping it in play, without bogging down the story - a particularly impressive feat! Even when Twilight opened the portal and Lilly drew the gun on her, I was shocked, but not overly surprised... I was with Twilight the whole way, trusting your instincts is important. By the end of chapter twelve, I had jumped to the logical conclusion of what Twilight's decision would be, so that was no real surprise when she followed through.
The one complaint I have with the story is the ending. It is believable and as well written as the rest of the story, but it just feels...hollow? It is missing that Je ne sais quoi of a complete story. My recommendation is to add an epilogue, wrap everything up in that "Friendly Narrator's" voice... *Cough* Twilight's letter to Celestia *Cough* Or something along those lines. As it is, it's decent, but there is potential for it to be so much better with just a little closure that would be best delivered in an epilogue...
So, as is, I give this story an impressive 8.0 out of 10.
1332799
I thank you very much for your review, if I could get everyone to comment with stuff like that i'd never ask for anything else as long as I live, and as much as I understand your concern with my ending I will give you 5 reasones why I will not wright an epiloge.
1. The first chapter of this story had the characters in Ponyville, and the last chapter has them returning. For all inclusive purposes the journey of the main six is over, there is no grand struggle to get home anymore, theres no need to worry about there talents faiding away, they are as far as the audiance knows, going to go right back to there normal lives. With something as simple as that, there is very little I can say that would add to the story. Before putting a scene into a story I ask myself "What would the story lose should I not include this section" the answer in this case is simply an explanation of how the main six are adjusting which I would much prefer the audiance to deside for themselves
2. That brings me to my second point, I don't WANT to tell you what happens. As i put it there are a thousand ways you can look at this scene. Maybe you want Roger to stay with the ponies and never go back to Earth, maybe you want the main six to always question there reality because they know of the show, maybe you want Roger to die of infection, I don't know. I want my reader to deside there own ending, I gave you all the tools to build it, now you just need to decide what you want to happen. Maybe in your vertion Twilight wrights a letter that explains everything a little better, and as wonderfull as that is, I don't want to nail down so specificully that vertion as what happens.
3. Then theres the symbolism of the story that an epiloge would throw off. If you havn't been reading my authers notes, you should catch up on them because this story is a lot deeper then you might think, I have a lot of syboles in here that are hard to pick up and once you know where i'm coming from you'll start to see how any further details may jeperdise what I was trying to show you.
4. But lets pretend just for a second that none of that mattered. What if i decided just on a whim to keep going with this story. Where would I stop? There finnally home, they don't have anything else to do but wait till Roger gets better. I'm not going to lie, I could probablly do a good few chapters centering on him just adjusting to Ponyville and give the story a kind of twist where it was now Roger trying to get home. But after that and he did finnaly go home, what next? What do I say to end it there? Do I just let him walk through the portal and thats it? Twilight waves goodbye or something and then roll the credits? Couldn't someone make the same argument again that your making, that I lack finess? So I would then have to describe life AFTER Roger, probablly including Twilights atempts to stay friends with him or something of that sort, and then where would I stop? The idea to continue is not a new one for me as this fic is in many ways my favorite project, although it may never fully be complete (as all truely great works are left unfinished) It IS done.
5. This reasone is the losest of them all, and in retrospect probablly isn't very good, but I include it as it is a real reasone why I don't want to continue. I just don't have the time to give it the atention it would deserve to do an epiloge. You may not know this, but this story took me over three months to wright, as I tried very hard to work in subtle imagery and keep it interesting. If I wanted to truely end this story in a way it deserved, i'd need to put on hold everything else i'm working on, and that just can't happen at this time. I have a deadline, three actually. Every day for the next week and a half i'll be releasing authers notes on this story, some of which are yet to be started. Once thats done i'm entering a contest on the site taking place from the first to the fifteenth of next month that will zap a good portion of my time, and after that, my next work is due on the 27th of October like I promised in my blog. I'd hate to go back on that scedual and just don't think I can get everything done on time when i'm doing this epiloge as well.
HOWEVER, if it makes you feel better, I DID at one point come up with an idea for a sequal. It is in NO WAY guarenteed, but if I ever have need to do something special for my fans or reach a tousand watchers or something else really special happens, this might ONE DAY get continued. As it is I'm glad you enjoyed the story and even though you may not like the ending, I respectively say, make it your own. Feel free to decide whatever you like happens, I know I did.
1333119 If I might respond to your points quickly, there are a few things I'd like to add...
In response to 1# (and sort of 2# as well)... An epilogue is not to add, but to tie up. It is to say (For example) "Twilight and her friends returned home, but never forgot their trip to (Earth), even after Roger returned home..." Sometimes leaving a story open to interpretation (Such as Journal) is acceptable; other times, it leaves the story feeling lacking in resolution.
In response to 3#... I've read your posted notes on 1-4 and I've found them interesting, however, they add nothing of significance to the story. Which I resoundingly declare to be a good thing! If your reader must read anything beyond the main body of your text to understand and appreciate your story you have failed as an author. Appendices and "Author's Notes" are to expand upon what is written, to go beyond the body of the text(s), not to explain them. I think you have gone above and beyond with your symbolism in the story and you have no need of appendices and "Author's Notes". They are merely an interesting commentary upon your work.
In response to 4#... That's just the thing, by leaving it open, you have 'stopped' but it does not feel 'done'. As it stands, this feels as if it is not awaiting a sequel, but rather more chapters to continue where this left off...
Finally, last but not least, 5#... I do not think you should continue. I think that (when time allows, because goodness knows that I sympathize with a tight schedule...) you should append the ending with an epilogue, to as I said, end everything. Just to state what happens. It just doesn't feel like a "Grand Adventure" until we get that "...And they all lived happily ever after..." feeling. If you want to do a sequel sometime in the future, I can almost certainly assure you that I would read that story, but this story should end here. Their journey is over, they are home; Roger we assume will either stay in Equestria, or return home; and Lilly will be scarred worse for shooting her father, though we can only hope that she changes for the better...?
Now I will finish this with a little nugget of wisdom. The wonderful thing about a critical review is that you can do whatever you want with it! You can heed all of it, some of it, or none of it! It is purely a mirror for which to reflect upon your own...and only you can tell us whether this is the story you want to tell.
Either way, I look forward to whatever you decide to write next!
1336249
I mean no disrespect, but i despise happily ever afters. In theory there wonderfull and i'm just the type of sappy guy that when I see them I get the warm fuzzies, but they ruin a stories conclution. I know THIS time everything LOOKS TO of worked out, but noone can say that just because you solved one problem you're going to be happy forever. The ponies didn't live happily ever after when they defeated nightmare, or discord, or the changelings, why should this time be different? If this story feels lacking in reselution, GOOD. That just gives you all the more to work off of when making your own ending.
I'm going to let you in on a little secret of my wrighting style here, I LOVE details, but I DESPISE unessisary details. Tell me honestly, even if you feel this story should continue, whould it honestly be better if I told you EXACTLY how everything went down after this point? You lose so much unsertanty and mystery when you put an ending like that and of all the peices I've done, the one about six (now seven) interdimentional travelers is the one I think deserves the most uncertain ending.
I don't plan on making all my stories as open to reader interpritation as this one and Journal, but I asure you theres nothing I could add to sum up this story that would make it better, even if it would make it less vauge, I WANT it to be vauge for a very good reasone my authers notes will explain. (Like you said however all the authers notes will do is give you a new way to look at the text, this story is fully able to hold its ground without outside help and even within itself I don't think a further ending is nessisary.
1336302 To answer your question in the middle...
As I've stated before, the idea of an epilogue is not to continue, but to finish. But yes, I personally feel that uncertainty is not a mystery in this case, but an unresolved ending to this adventure tale. Because that's what this is, an adventure.
If you want it to be vague, that's your opinion and your right as an author. Its my opinion as a reader, and in this case a reviewer also, that it doesn't work. Its like putting an inline-four engine in a big truck. Sure it might roll, but not as well as it could...
1408151
Thank you, thats really touching.
Comments like this (as i've said a million times by this point.) make all the work it takes to make these stories worth it. I find that no matter how many times I get them they always give me this same feeling of acomplishment, thank you for taking the time to look at my work, and thank you again for taking the time to tell me you enjoyed it. As long as people like you keep coming back and saying stuff like that i'll keep posting more of it, hopefully i'll continue to impress.
1619290
Interesting idea, i'll have to get back to you on that one...
1812582
You know i never noticed that, mayhaps she had run some errands beforehand or ment to say that she had been driving all night, but not nessisarilly just to get here. It's also possible she was transporting something or has a job that requiers her to drive. I never specified what car she drove so who knows maybe it was a semi. Theres a multitude of possibilities but you're right, i never did nail down one of them.
1943752
Been awhile since my last comment on this story, glad I could pull you in though.
1959111
Your comment... perplexed me somewhat. At first I had no idea how daring do had anything to do with this story, mayhaps one of her many books led her to a similar situation or something, I was about ready to comment I never really thought about her when I realized Rainbow Dash mentioned her new found fascination for reading in the first chapter, by that I was indeed referring to the events of reed it and weep so yes, she would therefore be cannon.
Oh, I see you have some cover art for this finally. Very nice, it fits well.
2018722
You like it? I got it to celebrate my 100th fav. on this story.
2021791 Awesome. Grats on that 100th fave
2021894
Thanks, it was a really big step for me on this site, its nice to feel liked.
I did enjoy this story quite a bit. Though my analytics jumped on lily as soon as twilight did, I wasn't anticipating she would emulate her mother's murderer, it felt like cruel irony there. I had assumed at first that she wanted to use the portal to get to equestria at first, but her distancing from everypony had me wondering. Good job!
2559530
I'm not sure, but we think that hooves as a measurement of length would be fairly impractical, at least for anything bigger than a coffee table. It would be like measuring things in hands, there would need to be a larger measure somewhere. If anything, use the Cannon, that should be approximately 1 Human Standard Foot, comparatively speaking, and remains a practical length to measure in (most pony's appear to be the same height on average at adulthood).
Thumbs up, I'm number 100.
very nice story as well.
Feels like you could definitely do a sequel to this. I would enjoy reading it very much I believe.
Damn....... That's crazy.
Thought that might be the case. Very nicely done. And eager to see more of this.^_^
2024787 Just wanted to say that this was a great little story & I'm glad I came across it when I was perusing the HiE's older stories.
Love how you ended it & left it up to the reader to decide the characters' fate. Well done.
Pretender.
Damn, emotional bombshells here. Loved the story!