titanictime2
Joined 30th Jun, 2015 ·
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I feel like a horrible person for thinking this was hot. Especially Cadance being totally okay with it and even joining them. THAT'S how I think Shining/Flurry fics should go. She's the Princess of Love, after all. Nothing wrong with ANY kind of love, even incest. At least, in her eyes. That's how I see Cadance. The ultimate fetish-acceptance pony.
This should have a funny second chapter epilogue that shows what happens to that friend that came. It can be short.
*sighs* Another fic with a good topic that's poorly written....might wanna go give the Writing Guide a read through, mate.
Stopped reading when I got to cadance yelling at shining for no other reason than plot bullshit
8814772
i thought this was hot too and i dont feel terrible there should be more fics like this there are to many that are JUST flurry and shining though i do know of a story that is about flurry,shining, AND twilight if you would like a link to it
It is standard clop with plot.
The plot may be cliche at some parts of the story, but the clop is long and described.
Glad you used the little Love Hack. No need to come up with overcomplicated relationship development and you can get straight to the good stuff.
The story is well written except few typos here and there, but nothing world shattering.
I am not sure why it is obtaining so many dislikes.
The cover art makes me want to post "Note: it actually is not fine" but given the context, I think that might have been interpreted as "posting hate."
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Typical of 99% of the people who down thumb. It is because it has something they don't "agree" with or it violates their "waifu" or some other moronic reason to bash a good story/writer.
8816728
On the contrary, FimFic users tend to be very, very lenient when it comes to how they vote on stories. Even a story that's only passably written will end up with a very good vote ratio, almost regardless of the content. That "argument" you're making there? That's the kind of reasoning people use when they want to play the victim instead of actually taking a critical look at their work, honestly admitting its flaws, and working to improve. This story isn't getting downvotes because of "haters", it's getting downvotes because it really isn't that well written.
He goes back and forth between past tense and present tense constantly, almost every bit of dialogue is punctuated incorrectly, the sentences are choppy and repetitive, he's clearly never even heard of the phrase "show, don't tell", most of the plot elements are blatantly contrived, and at one point he even slips into second person for a sentence or two. Like Barnstormer said, it's a good concept that needs a lot of work to live up to its potential.
My advice to the author: Find an editor. A good one, not one of the ones who thinks editing is basically just being a glorified spell checker. You've got a good concept, but you need someone that can pull this story apart piece by piece and help you work on the technical aspects of your writing.
That is the most graceful cover art i've ever seen.
Ten thousand hours on ms paint.
The word you're looking for is 'contentment'. Contempt would be the opposite.
Some typos:
its
each other
let's
your
Hells Fire: I liked this fic a lot, but, one question, between an impalement plus extra filling and suffocation by mare pussy, did Flurry die? I don't want to have such a beautiful fic turning into necrophilia all of sudden.
sequel please! with either a family orgy or inbreeding
This was good up till the sex, which like. I love incest so it’s not that.
Vaginas don’t work that way though.... also horse dicks are usually about 3feet long so 4inches until the cervix is wack. (spoiled for tmi) I’m 5’2 and my vagina can take 7.
CMC Tried bonding but ended ... live poison detox