Vice Versa, a changeling with empathy sickness and shunned by her race, must make due in the wasteland as one of the last of her kind. Most ponies still harbor negative feelings towards changelings due to old mares tales, but one mare becomes fast friend's with our heroine. How will other ponies react towards her? Will she ever find any other changelings?
Credit goes to dusty soul on the MLP forums for the awesome cover photo.
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I'm looking forward to reading more! I get the feeling that writing perks and Level Up isn't going to be so easy for one who can adopt any form they choose, so I wish you the best. If it keeps on like this I'll be most pleased!
I'm looking forward to reading more! I get the feeling that writing perks and Level Up isn't going to be so easy for one who can adopt any form they choose, so I wish you the best. Ive been pleased by the quality of writing in most FoE side stories and I must say this has been good just a few questions:
1. With the obvious animosity seen between ponies and the changelings why is it that Rose is so quick to trust one, aside from being the one who helped her, and for that matter why would V.V. show any compassion towards a wounded pony?
2. Why would Rose know about changelings at all? 200 years can obscure a LOT of history and if there were records of the changelings from that time wouldn't Rose be more openly hostile towards V.V.? Or was there a standing truce between the changelings and the ponies after the assault on Canterlot and the reprisal afterwards? If there were no arrangement why wouldn't the Zebra try to enlist the assistance of the changelings as allies in their war against Equestria?
If you feel like it I would love to hear answers but regardless I will be eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
970536 All shall be explained in future chapters. I apologize if it's a bit cryptic.
No worries and thanks for the quick reply I read this while I was on lunch break at work!
Interesting, but i see you it won't be much serious :D
Rhubarb huh strange xD especially there is other fanfic not long ago made about changeling named rhubarb.
But looking for more :)
Oh and you can do changeling pipboy for cover ;D
And btw its more in Black Isle fallout world or bethecrap failout ?xD
Interesting I have been waiting for someone to do a changeling in foe. I have one pretty major complaint thou. The story seems very rushed. I don't think you should be afraid of rambling on a little more and maybe add some environment descriptions.
Perks added! Oh, and Chapter Two should be here sometime between Saturday and Monday. It'll be much longer, I Pinkie Promise!
It felt pretty rushed. Try to go into more detail with the environment and the characters emotions, I think that might help. Otherwise I think it's an interesting story which has potential.
Detail added! If only a little bit.
Surprise update! I got the writing bug this morning and it just flowed out.
good so far
Imagine my surprise when I check fimfiction on my last break of the day and you've updated! I'm seriously enjoying this and look forward to chapter 3!
970536>>976628>>972976>>971926>>971392
What do you guys think of the progressively bigger chapters?
I changed the rating to Mature because, well, ponies got blown to pieces in the last chapter.
good chapter again really like it
darn good so far... ill keep an eye on it, also to think i thought i was gona be the first with a... erm crap i cant dispell this info right now
anyways ill follow you to keep trak of it!
Hmm, I get the feeling that the note is going to bring plenty of ponies to New Appleloosa (might want to change the misspelling of new appleloosa by the way) and they're not going to be Rose. The truly disappointing thing here is that V.V. is really trying to be better than the stereotypical Changeling.
991941 Fixed.
good chapter again havent failed to deliver
great work! i also managed to type this with my lett hand somehow... (im right handed so this is supriseing to me)
I just realized something very important and this may lead to a re-write of the most recent chapters, Railright is a stallion!
I only noticed because I decided to listen to the FoE audiobooks again while at work, I should have remembered sooner...
So yeah, um, dunno if this was intentional or if this is more a plot twist I completely outed just now.
Fallout: Equestria wiki is one of the most useful resources I've found to assist with writing in the FoE universe, you can also use Fallout: Equestria Resource. Again I'm sorry I missed this, or if it was intentional that I exposed it...
I just checked the main story and Railright is indeed a stallion. I shall have to fix this. I thought I read something about him being a mare, but I was wrong. Please accept these facehoofs on my behalf.
ok that changeling perk damn that is a hell of a perk
Is Rose a unicorn or an earth pony? I don't think it was mentioned at all, which is wierd because she's a main character.
1005277 She's an Earth Pony. I thought I mentioned this in the first chapter.
1005301 Doesn't look like you did. I thought she was, though, since there wasn't any mention of magic or anything. Maybe draw attention to it more?
10 likes.
So, uh. Twenty favourites but only twelve likes.
Sorry it took so long everyone. Hope it was worth the wait!
good
Please ignore the changeling passed out at the bar.... It's only a symptom of being drunk.
1063666 It's not the strangest thing to happen in the wasteland.
Okay so I really had no major issues with this one and it seems like you've gotten much better at self editing...
I'm starting to wonder if you really need an editor, but I'm still available if you want!
Looking forward to the next chapter!
I like it so far. The meeting between Vice Versa and Rose seemed a bit rushed, but the chapter seemed to smooth out as it went along. Vice's reaction to the death of her race seems a bit.. distant. Seeing as she spent a lot of time in Changeling prison for having empathy sickness and all the other Changelings were relatively emotionless, I can see why.
A changeling losing its disguise while unconscious is an awesome concept, and the use of the Wasteland Survival Guide to get Vice up to date was clever. ALSO, the use of empathy sickness in this chapter is actually a relief. That helped show me that you're familiar with the fannon of changelings.
Only complaint I had was that you have the "much" instead of "must" in the last sentence of the first paragraph.
TL;DR
Good concepts. Good potential. I expect good things.
1085319 Fixed. I'm looking forward to more of your reviews.
Hi ;)
I like your story a lot and hope it will be updated soon.
What I wanted to ask (im not familiar with the fallout equestria universe at all) is DJ Pon3 still the same DJ Pon3? Or is it another one with the same name... Cause I was a little confused by you calling her "he".
“He’s the one who announced that you freed a group of slaves.” Rose replied, laying out my bedroll.
1111051 Remember, as far as anyone except the main characters in the original Fo:E story are concerned, DJ-Pon3 is a stallion. Only Littlepip and her gang know that Homage is Pon3.
I approve but I have a feeling she is not the last changeling
+1 to stamina?
I've played fallout to the ends of time, and not once have I encountered a stat called stamina.
Unless you mean endurance.
1147583 Yeah, you're right. I was playing WoW yesterday and I must have derped my stats.
pritty good so far... keeps itss upsssssssssssss!
another good chapter
Nice work!
good work dude, though i kinda dont like the ex^^
hope you'll update soon
Don't take anything I say personally, because it rustles my jimmies when people do that.
I can't say I like it too much so far. It's a good concept, but you're not executing it very well.
1. You're sentences are much too simple; try not to use "and" every other sentence (unless your trying to describe multiple objects at once). Vary your word and punctuation choice a lot more.
2. So far, you're characters are far too trustworthy and flat. Even though you said in the comments how you would explain it, you should at least describe Vice's emotion. And in general Rose and Vice are too stupidly happy. They're not real characters; there's no soul.
3. Vice has emotion sickness, but she doesn't seem to have any emotion. Get into her mind a bit more.
4. That wasn't a long story at all! In fact, she got the scar in the first sentence and the whole story was four sentences. Doing stuff like that doesn't add to the story at all. You don't need her to say it was a long story, that's just silly.
5. Nothing is described in detail, character motions and scenery alike. Take some more time to describe it. As I would say to a friend I once edited a story for (That 1 Guy, Clockwork if you would like to know): "LOCOMOTION!"
6. Adding to the last one, you really on the breaks too much to describe what you don't want to for whatever reason. Why does the walk back have to be described as "uneventful". Wouldn't it be better to describe the characters dialogue? Or describe Vice's surprise when she sees the radhog?
7. Once again, they're too trustworthy. A stranger being welcomed like that just doesn't happen in the wasteland -- besides in places like Arbu -- even if they're accompanied by some pony the town trusts.
And most of all, don't say to me: "I'll get more into it in later chapters." Make all chapters be equally awesome.
At last have I taken my time to write my thoughts about this. And will probably come back and write a little bit about each chapter over the next few days.
First of all, Rose is surprisingly calm. She was literally screaming into the face of Vice Versa. And she thinks that changelings attack ponies on sight, something that she says herself. Why is she so friendly? It would be like you saw a raider and asked him for help, he did it and puff! You are friends. We are in the Wasteland, where anything kills you. So why does she act like that?
And in a minor note, was that the shortest long story I have ever heard. I could understand it if she said that she would tell a short version of it since they need to move their buts. But she Vice if she has the time for it, that could have been done better.
And also, why did she use a Med-X against the pain when she would drink a potion just after it? What help would the painkiller do to a healed wound?
When Vice taste "real" food for the first time is it only "pretty good"? I would say a soda would almost kill her in a taste explosion. Think about it like you only have eaten rice all your live and then gets wasabi or ginger. Sir Pratchett have given us a brilliant example of that in "Thief of time". But this is just a minor thing that I only find rather odd.
A Starblaster? A frigging starblaster to a LV1 char. Sory but isn´t that a little (read big) to powerful for her? And how did Rose know what it was? Even the ponies pre-war didn´t knew what it was, unless they was within the weapon or technology fields. And when it is mentioned in PH is it so rare that mister Horse need to threat with all his power in his company to keep Goldenblood from trying to take it. And even when we look over that, how the hell did Vice open the secret room in the throne? Just because you know that there is one, does it not mean that you know how to open it.
This part of the story is actually rather fun:
"She cautiously opened the door and was immediately tackled by an older unicorn mare with a red coat and a magenta mane and pegasus stallion with a bright green mane and coat. The unicorn's cutie mark was a pair of scizzors cutting blue fabric and the pegasus's cutie mark was a blackened cloud and lightning bolt." Vice have until now had problems with explaining how anything in the Wasteland is. And that she can see the cutiemarks while all that happens is beyond my understanding.
All in all would I also say that they are all rather calm. Rose with her near death experience. Vice with... well all that happens. She sees a mutant pig, they kill it and the first thought is "Hmm bacon". Sorry I do not buy that one.
Besides that are there almost no words about the scenery, or any words that explains how thinks look. You have the perfect picture in your head as the writer, but as a reader is it hard to make anything out of it when there is so long between the descriptions. I have read a quite a lot of Fo:E now, and are pre-reading or helping in other ways on a little handful, so I should know the Wasteland, but I get nothing from this. The wall is made of scrap yes. But what kind? Is it big pieces of rusty metal, is it concrete torn out of a bridge with reinforcing bars stabbing out of it, or is it just made of waste. Thrown there over the years that the village have been there?
The Changelings of Fo:E need some love (pun intended), there isn´t many stories out there with them. And I am not attacking this one in any way. All the time that I have used to write this is to show you where you can do better. For if this is the quality through the whole story is it a little sad. For the Changelings need a place in Fo:E like all the others
Also, try to break the text up some more. Like I do here between each point in my comment, for it would really help us readers to read it
Actual mistakes in the story.
You have used the word stories instead of storeys when you wrote about the giant room.
" Diamond gems" is not a real word, are you sure that you didn´t wanted to use the word gemstones?
You used the word "hand" somewhere in the test, they are ponies so use hoof
What is the "Badlands" you mention? Didn´t you mean Wasteland?
"I licked my lips, remembering the delicious taste of bacon" Sory did you not say that she havn't tasted food before? And since when is a Changeling carnivore?
1304529 I appreciate the criticism, and I don't know if I've said this before, but this is the first story I've written that's longer than a page. I really need more editors to catch this stuff
.
1307528
No problems. Have you been on the Fo:E G-doc yet? for there is a lot of help to find in there. Both with pre-reading, although there is a lot there is looking for it, or just talking about the lore or ideas in general
So a good hard bucking being heard aloud is reason to skip town?
I got all excited for a new chapter, and it's on hiatus? Oh, well. I'm sure it'll be even better when you start up again.