Nine Months Later
Night Wing
I walked down the dock beside Luna as she leaned against me for support. “Thank you Night. I’m sorry I’m being such a burden on you and Tia.”
‘Oh Luna, you will never be a burden.’ I chuckled as I helped her up the ramp and into the large ship. ‘Easy now.’ I helped her onto the deck of the ship and started walking us to the rooms.
“Oh, I know. I just feel useless and.....” A few tears started trailing down her face.
‘Oh Luna. It’s ok. Shhhh.’ I hugged her close as I opened the door to her room. It was simple, just a bed and a small vanity. I picked her up in my levitation, being careful to avoid her stomach, and laid her down gently on the large bed. ‘No one thinks you’re a burden. If anything I’m happier that I get to take more care of you.’ I lay down beside her and hugged her in my wings. ‘You’ll always be my little sister.’ I looked down at her swollen stomach. ‘And soon I’ll have a little niece or nephew to spoil.’ Luna smiled at me.
“Night, we are ready to set sail.” Silver Wing stuck her head in the door. “The others are already on the ship and ready to go.”
‘Wonderful, tell the captain to set sail whenever he is ready.’ Silver retreated from the room, and I heard her walk away quickly. I unwrapped myself from Luna and stood up. ‘I’ll be back to check on you soon. I’m just going to oversee the boat launch.’ I left Luna with a smile on her face as she slowly rubbed her swollen stomach with a hoof. My face was split with a grin as I came onto the deck. The sun was high, with just a few clouds in the sky. A few birds circled high in the air, and pegasi were flying everywhere. The now huge docks outside Las Pegasus were busy as usual. Ships coming and going to Griffinstone, the capital of the griffin kingdom.
A few smaller ship were exploratory vessels, going out in search of new places, and maybe a few riches. I had rode along with one or two crews. We had found some interesting locations, one of which I asked they keep secret. I may have quietly bought the land with money from the royal treasury. Celestia had told me I was their brother, and technically ‘Prince’ Night Wing, so I had access to the treasury. I hadn’t ever used it until then. I was planning on building a house there and gifting it to the sisters as a small vacation home.
I nodded to the captain and he yelled for the sails to be lowered. As the sails unfurled the ship slowly accelerated from the dock and we began to rock more in the waves. The bright blue equestrian sails shone in the sun, and the Equestrian flag waved in the breeze. The flag was dark blue with the sun on one side and the moon on the other.
I looked over to see Black Iron flying around the ship with Moon and Lotus. I nodded to them as I went back to check on Luna. When I entered the room I didn’t see her on the bed. Worry started to creep in until I heard a familiar sound. A sigh escaped me as I entered the bathroom. I sat beside Luna as she emptied her stomach into the toilet.
The cliffs of the griffin empire loomed over our ship as we traveled down the coast. The port was in sight, busy as ever. Ships entered and left constantly, bringing food and supplies in and out. Now that griffins had started moving to Equestria the ships had started bringing meat across the sea. The unicorns helped enchant the crates so the food wouldn’t rot. Pegasi and griffins worked together to manage weather over the cities, and a few ponies even helped griffins hunt. Some magical creatures had rare parts useful for many things. Like shinewings, the evil crystal butterflies. The wings were used for starting fires, and weak heat enchantments on some tools.
As our ship drew closer to port several large ships pulled alongside us to escort us in. “Night! Good to see you again! How’s my sister!?” Crimson Claw yelled to me as he flew from one of the ships.
‘She is as well as she can be.’ I chuckled. ‘She was busy vomiting a few hours ago, so she is quite exhausted.’
“Yes, our hens go through the same thing.” He smiled at me as our ships entered to port. The other ships split off as we moved to dock. “How goes Equestria?”
‘It goes well. We have had little crime, and most are happy about the marriage and results of such.’ I frowned a little. ‘We have had a few who are unhappy. But they haven’t done anything yet.’ Crimson frowned at that.
“Yes, we have had the same here. Most are happy or don’t care. Some however....well, someone had to burn down the church.” A smile split his face once more. “But enough of that! My brother is ecstatic about your and Luna’s arrival. He wishes Celestia could have come as well, but understands someone needs to run the country.”
‘I offered to stay for Celestia. She got a good laugh out of it.’ I smirked.
“Ha! A good guard captain you are Night. But I don’t believe leadership of a country is for you or me.”
‘Your probably right.’ Our ship rocked lightly as it stopped by the dock and the anchor was dropped. ‘It seems we have arrived. See you at lunch?’
“Of course.” Crimson took to the air and glided to the castle. I walked back into the ship to retrieve Luna. I would have used a portal, but I was nervous using strong magic around a pregnant mare. I may come back to life after having my neck blown apart, but I didn’t think Luna would. I hope she has a baby that can use magic. I’ll enjoy teaching him to steal cookies using portals. I entered Luna’s room to find her laying on the bed with a sick look on her face.
‘How are you feeling Luna?’ I looked at her with pity as I stood beside the bed.
“Don’t start with me Night! You know I don’t feel good!” She snapped at me. I just rolled my eyes. “And don’t give me your pity!” Ah, the joys of a pregnant female.
I lifted her in my magic as we walked up to the deck. “What are you looking at?” Luna asked crossly to a random crew member as we walked through the hallway.
“N-nothing Princess!” The mare stuttered. I just rolled my eyes once again as Luna folded her hooves in an angry way.
“Exactly! Walk away!”” The princess yelled as we walked further down the hall and the mare just stood there with a confused look on her face. Luna was like that most of the way to the castle. I put her down once we reached the deck because she said, and I quote, ‘Me carrying her made ponies think she was weak, and start plotting to overthrow her.’ It was a long walk from the docks.
“Watch were your going!” Luna yelled at a griffin three feet away from her.
‘I’m so sorry.’ I apologized to the poor guy as we walked away.
“Don’t tell him sorry! He almost tripped me!” I flinched as my ear was assaulted by her voice. Then the second half of the trip began, and her mood did a complete flip.
‘Shhh, it’s ok.’ I hugged Luna as she sobbed. Most of the griffins along the road had uncomfortable looks, while a few older ones knew what was going on.
“No it’s not Night! I’m such a horrible pony!” She sobbed into my shoulder. “I’m yelling at everyone for nothing! I don’t deserve to have you comforting me.” I just hugged her tighter as we approached the castle doors. I almost feel bad for Midnight. Almost.
“Luna!” Midnight met us at the main entrance. “How are y-“
“Don’t ‘Luna’ me!” Luna glared at him. “You did this to me!”
“Wha-“ Midnight has a confused look. Luna started tearing up once more.
“I’m so sooorry!!” Luna cryed as she ran past Midnight.
“Uh..” The confused look on his face made me sigh.
‘She has been like this for the past month. It’s just hormones from her being pregnant.’ We started walking to the lunch room where Luna ran to. ‘Just be careful what you say, and don’t take anything she says to heart. She doesn’t mean anything bad, she just can’t control her emotions right now.’
“I see. Thank you for warning me. This is the first time I have had to experience this.” He looked down at the floor. “I apologize for not being there when she started acting like this. I have been busy trying to clear up everything so I can be with her when the baby is born, and after.”
‘I know, and we don’t blame you. If anything I blame politics.’ I rubbed my temples wing my wings. ‘Oh how I long for the time when I didn’t have paperwork to fill out for every. Single. Thing.’
“Haha, so do I.” He frowned at that. “And now I have the problem of finding a place to take Luna on vacation.”
‘Don’t worry. I have you covered there.’ I smirked. ‘Found an amazing spot a decent ways away from civilization. I bought it up and was planning on giving it to the sisters, and you of course. Consider it a wedding gift.’
“Thank you Night. How can I pay you back?”
‘By staying with Luna forever. And being a good husband and father. That’s all I ask of you.’ Midnight stopped and hugged me.
“I will Night. I promise.” I hugged him back for a second before he pulled back. “Now let us go eat lunch. I already have your rooms prepared for you all.
Wait for it...
🍔🍟
9454077
*looks around* ...For what?
also great chapter
9454180
For the inevitable death and destruction. The searing agony of losing loved ones, and pain of battle. The sting of being the sole surviver, and horror of watching family suffer. Sounds fun right!?
9454180
*sniffs the air*
One of Murphy's Tropes is around here somewhere...
*glares at the chapter labeled 'Mawage'*
Might have something to do with that earth pony, but it's best to stay on the lookout
9454202
‘Meteor falls from sky and Annihilates entire kingdom’
Rich Soil: Wasn’t me!
9454204
Hmmm...
What's this I smell?
Oh, yes, now I know what it is I smell.
glennwrightfitness.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/bullshit.jpg?w=300&h=300
9454213
Darn, you have seen through my masterfully crafted falsity. Yeah Rich soil goes insane and kills someone. Not saying who.
In 5...4...3...
9454217
20 bits on Midnight
50 bits on their kid
30 bits on Nightwing
a mustache on Discord
10 bits on himself
100 bits on some unnamed background character who'll prove to be an important member of society
9454192
An sure-fired cause for depression, corruption and madness.
9454501
no
Hmm... This was an enjoyable read. It has a unique take on an almost overused trope, takes place in the Post Discordian Era, (Which is a fairly rare thing) and shows signs of clear cannon divergence. (Which is, again, a good thing. At least in this time period.)
That said, the pacing really is quite breakneck for most of the fic. The last few chapters have been better, but as a matter of opinion I tend to frown upon constant use of timeskips. There is so much more story that could be told that isn't! But I digress, it is your story.
Another of my misgivings has to do with the fact that you have multiple named characters as part of the story that tend to get forgotten. I can understand why, your focus has mainly been on the Siblings and their avian brother and you've done quite well describing their interactions. However, by neglecting the stories of these others, you miss out on one of the better ways to slow down an out of control story: showing other's perspectives. For instance, what happened to those two healers who survived the village attack so long ago? Where did they go? Did they become rivals? Did they make any great discoveries? Did they remain fairly unknown and simply become average? Exploring their stories could-and would-take time, the same amount of in-world time as other events, resulting in a livening of the world while exploring aspects of said world that the main character simply wouldn't know or experience because of his station.
Now don't get me wrong, you have been using differing perspectives fairly well. It could simply be my own insatiable curiosity to know almost everything about any given world prompting the above.
As a final overview, I'd say this story is Good. Could it be better? Certainly. But such is the way of even Masterwork level writers, so do not be discouraged. As a parting bit of advice, (for anyone writing, not just you) is that the devil is in Details. You are creating a world for us to see and enjoy, never be afraid to describe the world around the MC in great detail! (At least, for the first time we encounter things. Don't go overboard describing something we've already seen before.)
9454255
Oh, and while you're taking bets, 500 on Starswirl falling to the Dark Mage hereby dubbed Black Earth until further notice.
Sincerely,
Hunter Redflame.
P.S.
Sorry for the wall of text, but I like critiquing fics in the hope that others may benefit. My apologies in advance if anything seems presumptuous or nitpicky.
Alright folks, place your bets while you still can.
Our topic for tonight is: Who's Rich Soil going to kill first?
Thus far we have 500 on Starswirl falling to the Dark Mage hereby dubbed Black Earth until further notice, 20 bits on Midnight, 50 bits on Midnight and Luna's kid, 30 bits on Nightwing, a mustache on Discord, 10 bits on himself, and 100 bits on some unnamed background character.
Remember, the pool closes when someone wins, and the BPA(that's me) keeps one eighth of the value of the winning corpse, and half of all bits/objects/concepts/etc lost shall not be used for the creation of a Philosopher's Stone.
Thank you
9454192
It does sound fun to watch actually.
9454920
Thank you for the long comment. I enjoy reading what people think of my story. And, I also realize that my story could be slower. I’m trying to slow it down, but it’s hard for me. I will take your ideas about the characters that have gotten shoved aside to heart. I may write a chapter or two with them, and I may not. Also, thanks for the Starswirl dying to Black earth idea. I may use it if that’s ok. Not a guarantee. (Oof, gotta change that name though.)
WAIT, WHAT?!?!?! THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER?! EVER?!?! Will there be a sequel?
9454920
Also, wait till you see my other story ideas. You think this one is unique? Hahahaha, silly mortal. This is just the surface of my vast imagination. I just suck at writing great stories XD.
9454981
...what? Who said this is the last chapter?
D’aww
9454984
So thinks every author. NEVER, think that you cannot write, because then you never will. You have talent, that much is clear. Do NOT bury that by convincing yourself that you can't when you have 844 likes to 34(?!) dislikes! Do not dare say you cannot write great stories. Because the evidence is quite clearly stating otherwise.
On a more lighthearted note, I freely admit my placeholder name for our dear dark mage is bad. Please, do make a better one.
Oh, and thank you for all but guaranteeing that I'll win the net.
9454987
Author's note
If it isn't than you have to word it better.
The way I'm reading it is, you forgot to say that this chapter was the last chapter of the story (you were going to mention it in your last chapter but you forgot), and so for the final chapter you decided to do a time skip, and you last comments sure don't help, I think they are asking for advice or how the story was.
9455046
(Facepalm) did you look at the punctuation? XD I’ll change the wording.
9455046
There, all fixed.
9455044
Thanks. I feel good about myself now.
9455054
Thanks! Got me worried there!
9455054
You know whats funny? I haven't even finished reading the chapter, been busy typing. You keep distracting me! lol
Would the child be a hippogrif?
9455558
Yeah, im aware of the different types of your and you're. Spell check is to blame for most of my typos.
9455558
I fixed it
9455708
Lol, just wait. He uses his wings to write soon.
Normally royal weddings in a situation like this symbolize a unification of the two countries, but this doesn't seem to be the case here. Is it?
9455938
Well, yes it did unify the countries. But they didn’t become one country if that’s what you mean.
9455945
Ok, I was just wanting to check.
9456218
I think the first two are most likely not going to happen. But maybe an ice shield? Later on I may add some mixed enchantments on a few weapons, giving them different abilities. Like a phoenix feather, and one of nights feathers, on the same sword.......then you get an expensive regular sword because they cancel eachother out XD
9453716
More believable, but still kinda out there in my opinion. Though, to be fair, Equestria has always had a very... inconsistent timeline for technology. They have ovens, refrigerators, working plumbing and electricity, yet they still use quills and candles. They obviously have airships and trains, but no steam or even combustible engines.
9456574
I thought the trains had steam engines?
9459290
Some do, like the friendship express. It uses a steam engine. Though the crystal empire's train has a strange engine car, from the one time it is canonically shown inside the show.
Nothing is said about Luna having a child so I don't have high hopes for them...unless it's simply mortal then I understand