Age: 16 Sex: male Hobbies: Sports, Music, Reading
(Second person POV) (Romance) (Comedy) (Adventure)
You try to steal the Elements of Harmony as your final heist so you can retire and end your career in thievery; however, it takes an unexpected turn for the worse when you're caught red-handed by none other than Princess Celestia. You must help the princesses in their everyday tasks as well as part of a work-release program while you make a plan to escape. The only challenge is deciding whether you really want to escape or not...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not a big fan of second person, but I'm intrigued.
You really do have a lot of "yous" and not enough dialogue...
But, that's just me.
Intresting so far keep it up
958919 yea... I thought that too, but there weren't many other characters introduced yet. I'll try to fix in next chapter. I'm just kinda experimenting with second person right now.
i like it
great story can't w8 for the next chapter
moar plz
Have you ever haerd of a show called Breaking Bad.
Interesting
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/obama-not-bad-face-288x250.jpg
960023 This is my second story. I didn't bother publishing the first cuz it sucked... and appearently this one does too...
I appreciate the constructive part of your rather wordy criticism and I'll try to develop it better as it plays out. But seriously, if you're going to give me that, you better read the next chapter and tell me if it is up to, or how far below your standards it is. But thanks, i guess? and about your first statement. After reading this, everyone can tell that he is from Ponyville just because of that one sentence I had in there. (serious question) Should I have delved deeper into the subject, made it more obvious, or just gone out and said, 'you live in Ponyville'? 
959678 no... are there similarities?
Well breaking bad basically about a high school teacher trying to make some money for his family before heroes of cancer, so being a chemist he starts producing meth with one of his former students, his named rising in the drug game. And intro on the show has two elements starting the word breaking is B and bad is Ba.
There are some very minor simalaritie the biggest being the way you did your cover image and your main character being a criminal.
Here's an image of the title, I can't believe you never heard of this show, it's so good and has over 3 seasons.
prettylittlelosers.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/cabecera-breaking-bad.jpg
Your storys really good so far, second person works really good for you.
960653 interesting... I like the use of bromine and barium. The concept seems good, I might have to watch it.
961228 It's perfectly fine.
I've had much worse said/written to me anyways. I'm seriously attempting to shape my next chapter with some of the "advice" from your previous comment though. It just kinda caught me off guard because it was so different from the other comments. I'm trying to add more dialogue and less 'yous' as people put it. I might send you chunk of it just to see if it's any better, dat alright?
961491 Sometimes, you just need someone to be an asshole and comment on every little thing you do wrong.
If all my comments were "Moar!" and "I like it.", than my writing wouldn't be getting any better.
Now I feel stupid for commenting on my own story so many times, so if you have something moderately important to say, just message me.
Some parts might seem a little weird... I listened to this while I wrote this chapter.
great chapter can't w8 for the next one
990369 I never got a PM... are you gonna send one soon or should I post (almost completed)chapter three first? If you do send one I'll look through the third chapter with the advice from your PM and edit it before publishing it.
1111138 K, thanks. comment when it's sent plz so I can verify that it werked
EDIT: Screw that... how about I just let you read chapter three before I publish it?
Yay new chapter
im guessing Celestia is going to make us do some more hard labor
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/574321-Liege/321/46/facehoof_display.png
Do not do this.
Ever.
Yes, we get it, the character that is to represent the reader is nameless, there is no need to remind us. It is jarring and yanks the reader right out of the story.
1195628 Fine. I had no idea what to put... I'll replace it with a bold hyphen or something. 1 sec
Edit: It is done.
great chapter can't w8 for the next one
Aren't there actual story tags? The only thing I'd think you have to write is the 2nd Person PoV...
Seems redundant otherwise.
This is interesting... will read later if a few more chapters are added (I'm afraid of liking it then you discontinuing it :D)
You got featured mate!
Sorta remember the other chapters. Might have to re-read this to remember what happened.
It lives!
Maybe I can follow this again.
Celestia and Shiny~ needs to lighten up.
Great chapter can't wait to see how this whole thing goes down.
Update? :D
Hey, when are you going to post another chapter? There are not many second person fics out there and very few I want to read, this is is one of those few I actually want to read. Please update soon.
Hey! It updated. Well this was a nice surprise people on fimfiction have been really slow update wise so consider yourself one of the few to update now. Anyhow hoping for more frequent updates and good luck.
"I find your lack of respect disturbing."
Darth Celestia? Is that you?
"You think they called it the Grand Galloping Gala, but the only thing you can think about right now is how to develop a good report with Celestia."
Rapport
Wait a minute. Am I (the character) helping Shining Armor track this medley guy, or was he some kind of crime lord that I crossed? I can't really remember, and I'm too lazy to reread the previous chapters.
If you fail to update this within the next year, I shall be forced to make a parody fiction composed entirely of haiku and dedicate it to you.
(Wat).
4601597 fixed. thanks.
For every month this does not update, I am posting a sad fluttershy.
THE POWER OF FLUTTERSHY COMPELLS YOU.
Month 0:
Keep naming them chapter 1, chapter 2, etc. but do every one in a different language. "Chapter 1" in English, "chapter 2" in Swahili.
Love the part where he snapped his leg. Ouch