“Alright Luna, you can ask a question now.” Twilight was still tired, and wanted this to be over as soon as possible. She knew she should have scrapped that wretched machine the first time she used it.
“Thank you Twilight Sparkle. I shall make my query with ardor.” The younger princess said, trotting over to the speaking horn. “I have made several friends since my return who enjoy the night, but even they sleep during most of the dark hours. So I am still curious: What if I met more ponies who are awake at night?”
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Princess Luna: Vampony Hunter
It was a fine night. The pegasus ponies had cleared the skies, making the stars visible. The unmarred moon was at its height. The summer air was warm against Luna's pelt as she stood upon the balcony outside her room. She spread her wings and took flight, eager to explore this new Equestria further.
Luna was used to being alone during her nights, but since her return she had noticed more ponies awake in the late hours. It was likely do to cheaper sources of artificial light, and the better control of the dangerous creatures that once lurked in the shadows.
Lights were scattered across the matte surface below her, like a reflection of the stars above. She loved the stars, they reminded the celestial sisters of their youth. Lost in her memories of times long ago, Luna almost missed the three ponies leaning against a fence in the field below her. Almost.
Celestia had been urging her sister to meet new ponies, and this seemed a perfect opportunity. Luna landed and addressed the ponies before her, remembering the voice lessons she'd received from dear Lady Fluttershy, “Greetings subjects! It is I, Princess Luna, keeper of the Moon, and diarch of Equestria.”
Now that she was on the ground, Luna got a better view of the ponies. She knew fashions had changed since her absence, but these were some of the strangest looking ponies she had ever seen. The were young, perhaps a few years the junior of the Elements of Harmony. There was a filly (a unicorn) and two colts (an earth pony and pegasus), at least she assumed they were colts, despite the fact that they wore more makeup than an Appleloosan whore. Each of them wore a long black coat, even though it was quite warm, and bulky silver-grey jewelry. While she was inspecting them, the three ponies managed to recover from the sudden appearance of royalty.
“Duuude. It's really her.” The pegasus colt said. All three knelt in a deep bow. “We are yours to command, oh Mistress of the Night.”
Luna ruffled her wings. She had never been addressed like this before, not to say that she didn't like it. “Arise my little ponies, it honors me to see you enjoying my night.”
“We are creatures of your night, oh Mistress.” The unicorn said. “We shun the day and its burning sun, and those who worship it.”
These ponies were acting very strange, but maybe it was just some new cultural aspect that Luna hadn't come across before. She wondered if it would be rude to ask about it, but decided the best way to make new friends was to find out as much about them as possible. “You are unlike ponies I have met before. Tell me, what makes you treat the night and day so differently?”
“That's simple, Mistress.” Said the earth pony, “We're vampires.”
The moon sister's ageless heart stopped. Her voice shaking, she asked, “What did you say?”
“We're vampires.” To demonstrate the three ponies smiled, baring unnatural fangs.
“No.” Luna whispered.
This couldn't be possible, surely they had all been destroyed, her sister would not have allowed them to exist. Painful memories leaped across her mind, the time of her madness and rage. Long was Nightmare Moon in the preparation of her coup. She created an army, one that would draw strength from the darkness, one that knew no fear, one that was utterly loyal to her. With dark magic she crafted them, dark spirits encased in corpses. She made them all: ghouls, eohwolves and vampires. Then the war came, she and her army were overthrown. She assumed that they had all been wiped out. But here they were, calling her mistress and besmirching her night. Well no more, she made them, and she would unmake them!
“HALT, VILE CREATURES!” The Royal Canterlot Voice seemed appropriate for this situation, it was the voice she used to command them after all. “THOU SHALT NOT BEFOUL EQUESTRIA WITH YOUR EXISTENCE ANY LONGER!”
The ponies before her were terrified. It had been cool to meet the moon princess, but now they had no clue what she was talking about. They slunk down and slowly backed away.
“YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME, SPAWN OF MY SIN!” A beam of silver light appeared above Luna's horn, sickle shaped, like the waning moon. The pegasus bolted, but the blade of light sliced through the air, and his head fell to the ground. The other two ponies screamed. The earth pony tried to run, but the princess tore a fencepost from the soil and impaled the colt, pinning him to the ground.
“THERE THOU SHALT STAY 'TIL I CAN REMOVE THINE HEAD.” Luna now turned her attention to the unicorn mare groveling at her hooves.
“Why are you doing this?” She asked.
“YOU ARE VAMPIRES. THE WRETCHED CREATIONS OF NIGHTMARE MOON! I OWE IT TO MY PONIES TO HUNT DOWN AND DESTROY THE MISTAKES OF MY PAST.”
“We're not really vampires!” The filly wailed.
“I WILL NOT FALL FOR YOUR GUILE.”
“We're not! We just pretend to be! We dress up like this to be cool, look.” She brought her hooves to her mouth, then lifted them for Luna to see. Lying there were two fangs, an inspection of the unicorns mouth revealed nothing but two rows of perfectly normal teeth.
“Oh dear.” Luna said, looking at the two dead ponies, then back at the unicorn. “Oh dear. This isn't good.”
The unicorn looked up at her, and Luna looked back. She had to figure out what to do. She looked at the bodies, then the mare, then back at the bodies. This was going to be a long night.
--=(O)=--
The palace was silent. All the hallways were deserted and the rooms were dark. Celestia loved this time of night, it was the only time she had any semblance of privacy. Following her usual nightly schedule, the solar princess was in her study reviewing paperwork. Luna's return did take some of the workload off her shoulders, but there was still plenty to go around. It was true that she could now sleep through the entire night, but a thousand year old habit is hard to break. While going over a particularly dull budget plan she heard the sound of hooves passing by her door. Luna was home from her flight early.
Celestia silently left her room so she could chat with her sister. “You're back early Luna.”
The lunar mare froze, with a nervous voice she responded. “Y-yes, I um, tired myself out.”
As she peered through the dark hallway, Celestia could see that her sister was filthy. She was covered from head to hoof in mud, and she carried a dirty shovel in her magical grip. “My goodness Luna! What have you been up to?”
“Digging... Uh um, gardening.” The dark mare seemed rather skittish tonight. “I've been gardening.”
“Well, that's nice I suppose. You seem to have gotten a bit dirty though.” Celestia said, looking at the trail of muddy hoofprints leading up the hallway.
“They were big plants.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow, she could tell her sister was hiding something. “Is anything the matter Lulu? You seem preoccupied.”
“I am fine, just tired from... gardening.” Luna knew that look, it was the I-know-you're-not-telling-me-something-and-that's-okay-but-I-wish-you'd-open-up-to-me-because-I-love-you-and-will-help-you-through-any-problem-you-have look. “I think I will take a bath and lie down. Good night sister.”
“Good night Lulu.” Celestia watched her sister attempt not to rush down the hall. She let out a sigh and returned to her study. Something was bothering her sister, but the solar mare knew that pressuring her to talk wouldn't help. She'd let Luna wash up and rest, then bring it up at breakfast. After all, how bad could it be? It certainly couldn't be worse than that incident at the zoo.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The images on the screen flickered to a stop. Luna blinked a few times before saying, “What atrocity was that?”
As if Twilight needed more proof that using this machine was a bad idea, here it was. The unicorn tried to comfort the moon princess. “Don't worry, it's just a hypothetical scenario, it doesn't mean you'd really do something like that! Maybe the machine only shows the worst-case scenario. I knew this was a bad idea, maybe we should call it a night. I'll just bring this thing down to the incinerator.”
Twilight's magical aura surrounded the machine before Luna looked up, as if coming out of thought. “Nay, Twilight Sparkle. I was not shocked by my behavior, but by these ponies who parade around as vile ghouls.”
She knew it was too good to be true. Twilight dropped the device back in place and returned to her seat. Luna spoke again, “Sister, do ponies really perform such an awful masquerade?”
“It's true. It has become quite popular in fact, especially among the younger generations.” Celestia explained.
“But why would anypony want to associate themselves with a creature bread of evil, whose only function was to cause sickness and death?”
“You have to remember Luna, things change over time. History becomes legend, legend becomes myth, and myth becomes story. And stories change with each telling. Eventually, the villain becomes more desirable than the hero, and what was once a possessed corpse becomes a charismatic character.”
“You did destroyed them all though, right? All the real ones.” Luna's eyes were almost pleading as she looked at her sister.
Seeing her sibling's troubles Celestia's voice became strong and reassuring. “Yes, they're all gone. I lead the attacks on their bases personally. There hasn't been a confirmed case of vampirism in almost nine hundred years.”
Luna was relieved. She had not thought about her dark side's creations since her return, but knowing that they were gone lifted a weight she had not known she'd been carrying. She could now move through the night with the confidence of knowing that there was nothing out there more terrifying than herself.
=======================================================
Disclaimer:
Luna hasn't killed anypony, and probably wouldn't have acted so hastily if faced with this scenario in "real life." The What If machine was likely just picking up on her intense desire to protect her subjects and amend her crimes.
3 young ponies dead.
Because of Twilight...
CURSE YOU TWILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
Note: I mean the books/films, not the pony :3
1094102 Only in whatever alternate dimension the What-If machine is voyeuristically tapping into. Still, that was rather amusing.
What the buck is a eohwolf?
Well, that was dark. Hilarious, mind you, but dark...!
Not that, given my own personal animosity towards vampires, I feel that sorry for the...victims...!
There's a bread that should be bred; just thought I'd point that out.
You know what'd be really funny? If Twilight read Twilight! Or wait, here's an idea: Twilight Reads Twilight Reads Twilight! That's, like, fanfiception!
Good news everybody. Princess Luna just offed some goths.
I lol'd. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png
Well that was intresting to say the least.
YES! YESYESYESYESYES!!!
YYYYYYEEESSSS!!
I mean, it made me laugh. Hard
1094174 The "were" in werewolf refers to sometimes being human. Eohwolf would mean varying between wolf and horse, presumably. The extent of my knowledge of "eoh" is "eohippus," the earliest form of horse. They were tiny and probably adorable.
I literally got done reading the first seconds ago and now I see it on the feature board friggin epic
1094174
In Old English, wer means man, and eoh means horse.
Ponies can't be werewolves, because they aren't human. Instead, they'd be eohwolves.
that was epic. Luna ftw.
That is why I love Luna.
She kills goth for fun...seems legit.
Luna's behavior must that 2%
Well thank goodness the machine got to Luna before Luna got to the goths.
You get 25 Cool Points for not making the stupid mistake of using the term "werepony."
You get a further 20 Cool Points for using "eohwolf," showing actual research was involved in making a word for a pony that turns into a wolf.
(you would have gotten a further 5 Cool Points if you had used "eowolf." The H in "eohwolf" is clunky even if it is more correct).
Now for spike's what if of him getting high. Or probably just getting Rarity.
Good news, everypony! This fanfic is awesome!
"luna, I have pardon you of all your crimes as nightmare moon."
"Thank you, dear sister, also thank you for taking care of my vampire issues, now I still need to take care of your werewolf issues. Excuse me."
As she runs off into the night wielding her silver horn, slay the beast that transform it the light of the full moon!
the irony would be golden if it turned out twilight was a vampire VAMPIRE TWILIGHT FOR THE WIN as long as she doesn't sparkle
I loved the first anthology. Can't wait to read this!
makes you wonder....that could of been canon in this fic timeline if luna never watch the machine lol
Luna is best vampire hunter
Firstly, you get an official commendation from Twilight Sparkle: for knowing your word parts. I forgot that eoh means horse and had to pause there for a second. Secondly, I love the title. Thirdly, you know, you are right about the What If machine producing really crappy and hilarious results. I rewatched one of the Anthology of Interests where Leela goes to Oz and it really went out of its way to be the worst case scenario given the situation.
I have a question.
What if Celestia was the one that fell from grace over 1000 years ago?
1094560
"Hippus" refers to a horse. "Eo" refers to Eos, the goddess of dawn. Eohippus = the dawn horse, the first horse.
1096400 I stand by my statement that I would like to hug an eohippus.
1096466
Me too!
There is a Daring Do fanfic where she encounters a tribe of Eohippus living hidden in the jungle, btw. They sort of fulfill the role of "pygmies".
Well, that was thoroughly interesting...
I would hope that Luna would not be so hasty as to slaughter her subjects for vampirism, without proof.
Don't tell Luna, but Celestia's chapter was better!
1094473
Wow. That made me laugh more than the story itself...
Is it bad I read that in the professor's voice...??
1094174
I'm guessing an Element of Harmony (eoh) type of werewolf...
Why has no one asked "What happened to the filly?" yet? Something tells me Luna had to kill her too. Can't leave any witnesses, after all...
1095375
No, Luna is best Gardener.....
This is why you don't let mundanes into LARP without warning them first.
1114857
Tomato tomato
...
"What atrocity was that?"
Lolz, that was rich
>>Dashole The pony version of a werewolf, I have to assume.
“You did destroyed them all though, right? All the real ones.”
Ok, you can either say "You did destroy them all though, right?" or "You destroyed them all though, right?" saying "You did" and then "destroyed" right after that is just unnecessary.
Sorry not trying to be "know it all" here, just sayin
Anyway! Having a blast man! Keep it up.
978243
That would be... [data file not found]
1094473
Everything that starts with good news I automatically read in the professors voice.
1264147
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!
Please... Moar.... Sooon...
Those three definitely deserved what they got, maybe next time they won't lie about what they are... although if there was a next time they would be undead, so maybe they should lie?
Woot! I'm glad you continued these, they are really fun, can't wait for the next one.
I can't wait for Mindlessgonzo to read this and the one before :3
So everyone in Equestria is stupid, Pinkie's a stalker, and Luna is a murderer!? Well, at least she killed goths and not real ponies!
I hope more is coming. Let Spike or the Crusaders have a go! ...please!
C'mon Derpy, Spike, and CMC!
poor vampire ponies lol
"they were big plants" lol again
I really enjoy this series it always leaves me . keep up the good work.