This story is a sequel to The Sins of Yesterday
Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle (EqG) have been dating for a month now. Their friends and family are both happy for the new couple. But once Princess Twilight Sparkle visit and Twilight (EqG) sees how her pony counterpart and Sunset Shimmer get along. It makes Twilight (EqG) feel like Sunset was only dating her, because Sunset and Princess Twilight couldn't be together and Twilight (EqG) was second best.
Meanwhile, Sunset Shimmer begins to grow a crush on other persons since Twilight (EqG) have stopped talking and just avoiding Sunset, causing a bigger bridge between her and Twilight (EqG). Soon leads to them trying to reason with the other with the best option is if the two break it off and remain friends.
I'm crying.
8663155
Good
not really a fan of this it honestly felt forced like you just wanted quick drama hell the 2 never even really talked things out
Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle (EqG) have been dating for a month now. Their friends and family are both happy for the new couple. But once Princess Twilight Sparkle visit and Twilight (EqG) sees how her pony counterpart and Sunset Shimmer get along. It makes Twilight (EqG) feel like Sunset was only dating her, because Sunset and Princess Twilight couldn't be together and Twilight (EqG) was second best.
Meanwhile, Sunset Shimmer begins to grow a crush on other persons since Twilight (EqG) have stopped talking and just avoiding Sunset, causing a bigger bridge between her and Twilight (EqG). Soon leads to them trying to reason with the other with the best option is if the two break it off and remain friends.
~ ~ ~
How do you do all that in just 2k words?
8663424
I just wrote what came to mind.
I don't know,
You're really not supposed to put your entire outline in the description. I didn't even need to read the story since I had all the plot points already.
The ending was a little bittersweet and disappointing but it's a Good story.
8663442
So I gave this a read. It was hard, to be honest. In many places there were past and present tense changes, and wrong words used because of it.
The worst thing though was it felt rushed. The pacing was way too quick. You could've slowed it down and added perhaps 3k words to flesh it out and add detail.
Can't really say anymore than what has already been said. Yes, this is very rushed and could have been fleshed out more.
I do like the concept and story. Execution could have been better.
The concept itself is interesting but because of the rushed drama it falls flat. A shame I wanted to like this story.
pretty good concept and all, seems open to a continuation of sorts.
Good concept, poor execution. The whole thing felt extremely rushed and slightly OOC.