Mental instability at its finest and aspiring punk rock musician. PS: Buy a creator a coffee to keep him awake? https://ko-fi.com/firerain
Andy has lived in Equestria for two years and his only friend is Pinkie Pie, the best friend of everypony. However, when Andy is working at Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie always acts strangely around him for some reason and she is constantly getting on Andy's nerves.
One day, the truth is finally revealed.
How will Andy react?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Pretty nice!
If this were to be turned into third or first person, it could actually be the first chapter of many depicting the slice of life and romance in between them.
I will be waiting with bated breath for that time to come.
Until then, have a fav and thumbs-up while at it.
I was a little worried at first..... but I'm happy I read this masterpiece
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Thanks, Soldier! Much appreciated!
Your wish might actually come true at some point, seeing as I originally intended to make Andy and Pinkie Pie a series of random stories!
I want to see a sequal where its there wedding day and its just a flash back of there dates and the proposal and a little bit at the end where its a time skip and we see little centaurs or sayters running around
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Heh, I will wait 'till then, mister.
Ya know, those pots on the far right KINDA look like they make a face there.
*Sighs of relief* Oh thank god...There is actually effort put into this...And wasn't another wish fulfillment story...Gosh bless you...
This is good!
You refer to the character as Andy, but then also repeatedly say "you" and "your," as if this is a self-insert trying to not insert itself. The exposition at the start was rather needlessly lengthy, at least in my opinion. The daily flour baths make zero sense. Pinkie may be annoying to some, but if something doesn't make someone smile, she tries something else. Not to mention the unnecessary vulgarity in Andy's language; curse words have their place, and while they can contribute to humor, they are never the humor in and of themselves. If it doesn't contribute to a laugh, it is much less funny and much more unpleasant, and such words are likewise better off avoided in general.
Don't get me wrong, I think you have potential as a writer. As it is with most folks, i'd say you just need a bit of time and polishing.
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Um, no, you're misunderstanding how this is set up - it's second perspective storytelling. I only use Andy's name when he is being referred to or addressed by Pinkie or another character. I also use Italics to show him speaking to himself, whereupon Andy will refer to himself by name.
You're seriously reading into this too much. It's all a part of the characterisation and my use of language and profanity with Andy shows that he is annoyed and angry, but not just from Pinkie's flour baths.
Pinkie flour bombing Andy is just something I put in to show her random and fun personality, and it's my way of presenting her in my own eyes. Don't get me wrong, I wrote her in this way because I want her to be shown as trying to have fun with Andy to maybe try and make him laugh or perhaps join in to get him out of his funk. She knows that he is depressed, and it is basic logic that Pinkie would be the ideal character to bring another character out of their shell and get them to loosen up a little.
If you are new to second perspective storytelling, then it's understandable that you're misunderstanding the way this story is written. I know how to write very well, and let me tell you, it makes a lot more sense as the stories progress.
Perhaps read the tags before you look too deep into this. Second perspective isn't that common, but I figured I'd use it for this story for a change from my usual style.
Especially since generally the only people who dump flour on your head every day are the ones that are subtly asking you to punch them in the face. Maybe this version of Pinkie has actual mental issues....
Considering the above situation of having a sack of flour dumped on "my" head every day, no I don't.
Well this story is confusing. You set the main character up as done super angry college kid, then make him do a 180 and suddenly he's all smiles. Seriously, his apology and Pikie's recovery didn't feel right. It felt forced and out of place.
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Not necessarily. Andy is an obvious grouch, that much is true, but although he feels mad at Pinkie, and especially after hearing that she likes him, he feels like an absolute jerk. In the second and third installment of the series, it becomes more clear what his problem is and why he acts the way he does.
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That should be obvious from the story, not something you have to explain in the comments or reveal in a separate installment of this story.
He just comes across as an angry manic-depressive.
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He comes off that way because he is meant to. All I had in mind when I wrote this was that I wanted to reveal more of his past in the later installments and explore his habits and stuff. It's not that he's angry for the sake of being angry, it's more because of what happened to him and what he's been through. There's that and mysteriously being taken from his family back on Earth.
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Like I said, it should be obvious from the story. As it is, even in the other stories his anger seems ill-adressed and poorly executed.
Also they're monologue heavy and exposition riddled. Which makes all character growth seem unnatural and forced.
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Ah, well. Can't please everyone, I suppose.
To be honest with you, if the writing seems shoddy or plainly terrible, it would be due to me losing quite a bit of interest in the story about three stories in. I'm a little ashamed, but you win some, you lose some.
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That's a shame. This story has potential, otherwise I wouldn't bother voicing my critisisms. It's a fun premise, to be sure.
Despite my being Andy (ha!) I doubt I'd do all that... Could get angry with Pinkie, but would I feel bad? If anything, dumping flour is just illogical! Granted, Cakes' babies loved it, but... I should be the one to orchestrate the mischief!
What she should have done is forming a bond, and then worshipping me (not that kind of worshipping, but...), expressing, how unbelievably wonderful and precious it was to have a connection with me... Telling me, how she liked me... If I felt anything like her... Love would blossom!.. If not, I should be cold...
This, however? Just awkward
. Let us see the sequels, shall we?
That was a great fanfic