New Fluttershy's Wrath

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Huk

Huk #1 · Jan 7th, 2018 · · · Epilogue: Moving Forward ·

OK, I must ask – was this supposed to be a trollfic?

Crescent Glaive

Crescent Glaive #2 · Jan 7th, 2018 · · 1 · Epilogue: Moving Forward ·

This fic seems like a trollfic so....

I have to downvote because no... just no

StormLuna

StormLuna #3 · Jan 7th, 2018 · · · Epilogue: Moving Forward ·

8654971

8655036

Actually, this was NOT a trollfic.

Crescent Glaive

Crescent Glaive #4 · Jan 7th, 2018 · · · Epilogue: Moving Forward ·

8655043
Still... can't help but downvote...

Sorry

Huk

Huk #5 · Jan 7th, 2018 · 1 · · Epilogue: Moving Forward ·

8655043

In that case… Sorry but this was bad, REALLY bad… and I mean that both from technical and practical POV…

Everyone but Fluttershy seems to be holding the idiot ball, for example:

Twilight – first, when she had distracted Fluttershy - she didn’t try to grab the knife for 30 minutes waiting for… I don’t know what AND Then when she finally managed to stab Fluttershy, she just went to the door... leaving the knife inside her...

Celestia acting like an idiot – she forgot she had royal guards?

And last but not least - Applejack and Spike waiting for HOURS, knowing that Rainbow is probably getting murdered… Instead of… oh, I don’t know – letting the rest of Ponyville know and trying to rescue her?

Everyone seems to be acting OOC – YES, I know it is alt universe but still…

Most paragraphs read like a perfect flow, telling us step by step what the character is doing, for example:

She grabbed her waffles and put them in the toaster to cook while she was preparing her eggs. Once her food was finished, she sat down and began to eat. Her meal would be interrupted by a knock on the door. Fluttershy was not overly thrilled to be having company, especially during a meal. The knocking continued but Fluttershy was not about to answer the door until she had finished her eggs.

You could write the above like this:

She grabbed her waffles and put them in the toaster to cook while she was preparing her eggs.
Once her food was finished, she sat down and began to eat.
Her meal would be interrupted by a knock on the door.
The knocking continued but Fluttershy was not about to answer the door until she had finished her eggs.

And let’s not forget this gem:

Fluttershy watched in amazement at Rainbow's inner workings. She gasped, "Wow, the inner workings of a pony are amazing!"

This reminds me of the conversation from Ed’s Wood “Plan 9”:

Lieutenant John Harper: Kelton, Get down there and check it out?
Patrolman Kelton: Well, how do I do that sir?
Lieutenant John Harper: By going down there and checking it out!

Sorry, but nope…

Ember_Arts

Ember_Arts #6 · Jan 8th, 2018 · · · Epilogue: Moving Forward ·

i never seen you get so many dislikes to likes, i'm not a fan of anthro though but it was still good for what it was

StormLuna

StormLuna #7 · Jan 8th, 2018 · · · Epilogue: Moving Forward ·

8656903

It wasn't the anthro that hurt me here, I think it was the content of the story that hit me here. I had a feeling it wouldn't go over well but I never expected it to do this bad. Well I look at it as a learning lesson, things like that aren't all that popular.

Ember_Arts

Ember_Arts #8 · Jan 8th, 2018 · · · Epilogue: Moving Forward ·

8656908 it's mostly the rape and the ooc, people will downvote that without even reading the story sometimes

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