Shining claims that Royalty can't defend themselves. Prince Blueblood takes great offense to this and challenges him to a duel. He has made a -grave- mistake.
A Jinglemas 2017 entry for TheAmazingMe
Chapters (1)
Flutterpriest
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Fun story
. One question tho. Where's Luna?
Aaah that was great. The setup for the humble pie joke was great.
*plays a rimshot for the last line* You earned that.
Shining. My dude. Don't take this the wrong way, but... you guys actually, also, suck at your jobs.
I mean, the Changelings abducted you too. Apparently without any real problem. And oh, when the Storm King invaded... oh boy. Lots of civillians got enslaved that day.
So... yeah. Guards can't defend themselves either.
8636765
Sleeping. She's usually sleeping in things like this.
A flutterpriest story that doesn't want in my pants?!? GASP! What kind of heresy is this?
Also good story. Enjoy the thumbs up!
Should have challenged him with pistols - that's more becoming of a gentlecolt.
Excellent story, made me laugh several times. :)
8636765
she is sleeping. Man, when your job is to keep sweet dreams happening inside the mind of citizens that had to run for their dare life as a daily basis. You would start considering the fact that sleeping through most of the day is not that important.
Funny read though, in the case when Deus ex machina weren't so used as plot device to get the guards off of the narrative, this would be the perfect explanation for their job.
Also, i love to see bueblood getting beaten from time to time. take a like.
8636900
And Discord just don't care unless it's about Fluttershy. I can never understand why people think he should come in to do other ponies' heroics for them.
8636943
he shouldn't help whatever the case could be. As the embodiment of chaos, messing up with the waves of destiny is something that goes against his own existence.
Hell, maybe the mane six aren't allowed to act aswell, but since they don't have to fear that their bodies could dissapear, there is nothing stopping them for getting in the way of destiny with her overpowered magic.
Hah!
"A duel! To the death!"
"No, he would kill you."
That was a good exchange, and I like the headcanon that the guard's primary job is protection and the princesses are too busy to fight regularly.
ok
8636957
He's perfectly free to interfere as he wishes. He only started to fade when he actually turned against chaos. It's just that he a) doesn't care that much unless it's Fluttershy, and b) usually tries to troll them into learning a lesson on their own.
Also he can time travel so he knows in advance if they will succeed.
8636971
And when it's specifically Celestia and Luna, it's been so long that they could actually train for combat that they would mostly have to rely on raw power. It would be like bringing a bomb to a fist fight.
8637041
Well, keep in mind, we haven't seen Luna in much direct combat on screen, so we can't say for certain how tough she is, but we do know that she's more involved with the guards than Celestia, she fights Nightmare monsters, and she is very aggressive. She'd be the one I'd bet on in a real fight. But yeah, Celestia and Cadence aren't exactly warrior princesses.
Well, that went about as expected. Though, in my headcanon Blueblood is actually a master duelist and capable combatant. He's got to do something all day other than look regal...
8637064
Well, in the Crystal War timeline Celestia takes to the battlefield, and doesn't seem to be half bad at it.
The real problem is that combat happens so rarely in MLP - and almost never actually solves anything - that it's hard to really compare power levels between different characters, since it's unclear what those levels even are.
8637036
Can he? He rarely seems to know anything in advance...
How anticlimactic. I like it.
8637125
The Friends Forever comics ironically established that Blueblood is actually a VERY GOOD diplomat, and actually has to save Shining Armor's bacon as it seems Twilight's family is genetically dispositioned to hitting all the Yaks' berserk buttons!
You should be ashamed of that pun.
But not really. I'm proud of you.
Really, Celestia? Did you suddenly forget who ruled and protected Equestria for a thousand years? Who originally took down Sombra, Discord, Chrysalis and her entire army (single handily) and Tirek.
A very civilized way to peg someone oh-so-high-and-mighty down a few notches. And while being so casual about it to boot!
Wonderful! And indeed, Blueblood, constructive criticism. Learn to recognize it
Equestria is Canada confirmed.
8637342
I'm totally fine with that. It's even got less snow!
8637192
Ah yes, I remember hearing about that. I should see if I have it in my unread collection...
8636853
The guards weren't even there when the Storm King invaded. That's some horrible incompetence right there.
I think this needs to be tagged AU, otherwise Shining comes off as the worlds largest hypocrite.
8636853
Gotta agree with Derpsby. His explanation doesn't free of him hypocrisy. The Royal Guard, by definition, is not to protect the citizens unless commanded. They're -royal guards-, they protect the royalty. So I imagine Celestia might order them to go keep a populace safe. So the Guard, the only visible military force of Equestria, assuming the Wonderbolts are just a different branch, are supposed to be called on to deal with threats (Wonderbolts called in to deal with Greed Growth Spike). And they've apparently never stopped any significant threat in the last, what, at least two years since the show started in-continuity?
Cadance and Celestia's reasons make more sense than that: They run countries, AS the governing body. It'd be like if we sent our entire government to go fight a California wildfire. (Making no comments here.) The country would just grind to a halt. The difference is that Blueblood does nothing, and is nothing. Fairly sure his title of 'Prince' is due to being some sort of pure bloodline descended from Princess Platinum, which the name 'Blueblood' would help imply. Headcanon speculation there, but still.
All in all though this was a great way of shutting that ham up, and despite wanting to smack Shining a little, I was smirking the whole way through when Shining accepted the duel to its inevitable conclusion. Powdered poof vs. trained soldier.
nice tale!
have a like!
I came in fully expecting Blueblood to turn this around. Happy I was wrong but somewhat disappointed for lack of salt.
More Blueblood hate
I can't say enough how much I love this. And I'll say there have been a few family get-togethers that end up with one of these strength contests. Usually I do alright. Sometimes, like Blue here I fail spectacularly
All in good fun. Glad I joined in the Jinglemas fun and doubly glad I got you. Stay Amazing!
8637525
8637505
Like Echo said, even if their job is to protect common civillians, they're terrible at it.
8637064
Really, now?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/12/41571__safe_princess+celestia_queen+chrysalis_a+canterlot+wedding_animated_beam_beam+struggle_fight_glowing+horn_gritted+teeth_laser_magic_phzaaamm_smi.gif
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/1/25/533961__safe_princess+cadance_twilight+sparkle_twilight+sparkle+%28alicorn%29_three%27s+a+crowd_alicorn_animated_female_hubble_hub+logo_laser_magic_mar.gif
Twilight might be the best fighter out of all of them, but any of them is leagues above the common soldiery.
So yeah, Shining here is a total ass who doesn't know what he's talking about.
8637231
8637996
Considering that Celestia led the country for a thousand years (around 5x as long as the USA's been a thing), I imagine she's had to personally direct, if not lead from the field, several wars. Considering that war is not an unknown concept in this peaceful Equestria (even prior to the Yaks 'declaring war'), one must imagine it wasn't too long ago that ponies had to canonically spill blood. Celestia, therefore, should be quite experienced in handling war-time situations. Either as commander in chief in a war room or front-line commander putting enemy soldiers down.
Imagine also, that in two years we've seen countless demigod-level enemies crop up (okay, no, you can count them) to be handled by the Elements. If that frequency is any sort of reference, Celestia's been the only one capable of dealing with those in Equestria all by her lonesome for ten centuries. No other alicorns or Elements of Harmony for a thousand years means she's had to go dueling all of that kind of crap. Considering that Cerberus is HER dog, one might imagine she helped populate Tartarus.
The mare has to be skilled, and incredibly powerful or else, canonically speaking, Equestria could not exist to the present point in the show. Unless one tries to adhere to the anti-logic of the last thousand years being perfectly peaceful and just requiring a couple of fancy meetings here or there to keep things orderly. Which would not explain why ponies know what bullets, tanks, and 'epic pony wars' are.
Is Shining trying to make himself obsolete or something? It's his job to protect royalty, if they can protect themselves just fine, why would they pay him to do that job for them? If he doesn't feel like doing it, they should just fire him and hire someone else that actually wants to do the job.
How unexpected. Still had fun reading though, so have a like. 👍
I disagree with the Royal Guard's job being primarily to save citizens rather than fight villains because honestly you protect citizens BY fighting villains.
8638606
That's something you have to think before fighting the enemy. Hell that's something you think WHILE fighting the enemy as well. And if the enemy just goes where the civilians are and takes advantage of that you basically are trapped by your own plattitude.
Kill the enemy=Save citizens. Sometimes even soldiers and civilians can be expendable in the bigger picture. Hell cities and land themselves aren't exempt to this.
Ever heard of "scorched earth" tactics?
I'll be honest I'm more of the opinion that in love and war all is fair game.
It takes skill to word Shinning Armor's criticism in a non offensive way! Nice work!
8637231
Technically she didn't take anyone down, that would imply a ending of a life or of a permanent imprisonment.
Sombra was turned imcomporial but had a backup plan as a Litch that made that defeat null. Also gone crystal empire which tips that into a pyric victory.
Discord escaped from his prison after some significant amount of time and after she lost the links that kept him imprisoned from the elements of harmony, also no back up plan was in place other than hope the new bearers could keep him in line.
Chrysalis I'll give you that the initial battle to imprisonment worked....but Celestia left them with NO oversight on the jail, so getting free just meant waiting.
Tirek is a she didn't even try other than to Supercharge Twilight and pray it worked and that her student/fellow princess didn't explode. That and she depended on the most mercurial creature in existence that was a known associate to actually capture him with no oversight...again. I'll concede that hiding the magic away was a decent idea and that considering that the sun and moon are manual objects that NEED to be moved or else things get toasty or cold respectively. I would have split the difference and half would go to Cadence the other to Twilight then put them on opposite sides of the globe and made Tirek work for it. Cadance to the minotaur's and maybe Twilight to the gryphons or yaks so that non magical defenders could stop the bugger.
I feel like this is one of those stories that was written to justify a pun. Still good story though. Not really Blueblood hate, but that makes it a bit better I think.
8637996
Good points. The Princesses aren't weak or inexperienced, it's just that they're busy so they're out of practice.
Pretty sure Blueblood is the ass here thinking Shining Armor, a decorated military officer, wouldn't beat him in a fight.
8638815
Oh, he never had a chance. But that's not because Shining Armor is a guard, it's because he's among the super-powerful small elite. He protected Canterlot with a magic shield all by himself before the attack on Canterlot. As soon as that fell, the regular soldiers were useless.
Thing is, that's the same Cadance did in the Crystal Empire. She shielded the whole city, keeping the civillians safe. There's only been one moment in the entire series where the army was useful, and that was the Crystal War timeline, where the royals literally can't be everywhere and you need enough bodies to fight the enemy and hold territory. That's the opposite of what Shiny claimed: The only time the royal guard was of any use was when there was all-out war.
8638656
Only 2 pony Villains got "taken out" really, Sombra was taken down by Celestia and Luna and then for keeps by the Crystal Ponies. Storm King got taken out by his own lieutenant. So Twilight hasn't actual ever killed anyone.
Needs a sequel with Blueblood in combat training!
Huh, he lasted a lot longer then I expected.
I'm way ahead of you.
(This reader is now dead from laugher.)
8636853
To be fair, Shining *is* technically royalty himself now.
8637036
Here's my thoughts on Discord's ability to interfere when it comes to threats the Mane 6 deal with.
Either...
A) Disord can literally do anything, meaning he could easily step in after the Mane 6 fail (if they do) and clean up without letting anyone get hurt (or even be aware he did so), meaning he has no reason to interfere before it gets to that point and it's more fun for him to sit back and watch
or
B) His chaos powers has enough limits that he's deliberately vague about that he doesn't want anyone to be aware of, so he can't step in without risking his limits being revealed
8638036
I think what Shining Armor was referring to was physical combat. While the Princesses may be tops in the magic and diplomatic departments, their ability to "take a punch" may be sorely lacking.
8640562
There was no physical combat context, just sort of a "When have any of you solved a dangerous crisis last?" kinda deal, friend Bard.
Sadly, our ladies get Worfed hard to the point of being utterly nonsensical.
"I need more wine," Celestia said.
I loved that line the best in this fic. Not the last line, because it's always shit. Shit. Shit shit shits shit shitties.