After her return from the moon and subsequent defeat at the hooves of the mane six, Luna is taken by her sister to Canterlot where the beginning of her reform awaits. She wrestles with guilt, shame, and regret, but with the help of her sister she manages to find new ways to cope.
Warning, this story contains ABDL themes including forced diapering, public humiliation, spanking, wet and messy diapers, and more which may be intense in nature. Please do not proceed if you dislike stories of this kind.
This is my first story on here, and I would love constructive criticism.
Edit: Thank you guys for all the support and feedback! I’m so excited about how interested you guys are in this story and I really love reading and responding to your comments! If you have any suggestions you can add those to the comments too!
Edit 2: 5 years in the future, and this has needed a desperate revision. I cleaned up a lot of words and phrases, and added more context and emotion for the characters of Chapter 1.
Comment anything you’d like to see changed so far for any chapter as I’m probably going to update the rest of the chapters. In the next few weeks
Its decent it feels rushed. But still has potential
I'm always down for Luna being treated like a foal, and this fic is already shaping up to be good fun. Have to agree that it feels rushed, though. I suggest taking your time in the upcoming chapters not only with the pace but also with the details.
Looking forward to seeing what happens!
8576074
Thank you! What do you think I could do to help that?
8576092
Just explain more on the details with how luna feels and the diaper and maybe have a better opening with celestia and how she feels in doing this to her sister.
You can certainly write the English language well enough, so keep up the good work.
As for the content of the story itself, This seems like well enough of a set-up and has peaked my interest but could certainly use fleshing out in future chapters. Maybe pick a single aspect of what appears to be Celestia's mixture of anger and guilt and explain some of that with backstory or Celestia's internal thoughts.
This looks promising, but I kind of hope we'll get to see more some cutesy stuff between the sisters, as Luna adapts to her situation and Celestia starts lighting up a little when she realizes her little sister means her no harm.
its looks all good i just wonder how celestia will make luna use that diaper or other baby stuff
punishment?
after she get back from 1,000 years on moon.
wtf celestia!
Very good for a first story. Your descriptive words are all good in setting the mood without flooding it to where one's own imagination can't still have some freedom to work.
The overall flow does not stall. So your pacing is great! I'd honestly never have taken you for a first time writer based on how this all came out.
You should be very happy with your writing talent. You certainly are off to a great start and you'll only keep getting better as you write more. :)
8577924
I'll admit this isn't my first time writing anything, but it is my first time posting my writing and showing it to someone other than my parents.
Uh-oh, I hope Luna doesn't mess herself in front of Celestia.
celestia lose it. she need to send a mental hospital!
wow celestia you turn into mother hood nice one n hope luna can hold it till she gets to tia
So Nightmare returns and properly kills tia
Who have disliked everybody's comments?
That spanking was uncalled for, especially considering what Luna already did! I fail to see how any of that is supposed to teach her a lesson, it's just going to make her hate her sister all over again.
8582968
So if your child refused to do something you told them to do, you emwouldnt give them a swat or two? Presuming of course that spankings are acceptable in the household.
A lot of folks aren't into ABDL fics, hence downvotes
8583190
But why downvote something you don’t even intend to read? If people dislike abdl then just don’t read it, no need to make people feel bad about it.
8583151
You just resorted to it a little too quickly. If they refuse to do things you told them you scold them for it. Only when that doesn't work do you resort to spanking.
8583217
Some people just dislike based on concept
8583258
Fair enough :3 I’ll see if I can make things seem more fair.
All in all I really appreciate you guys for your feedback it really helps to improve my writing and get things where you guys would enjoy reading them.
8583284
I also don't get why Celestia is so cold towards Luna when Luna is so apologetic. If she was more distant and immature I would but since she's clearly eager to be with her sister again I would think Celestia would be a little more understanding.
8583375
I’m not sure I understand your comment there, can you give me an example?
8583386
This proves Luna is very eager and happy to be back. I would think Celestia would really like that as well and she would really hate herself for punishing her eager sister and breaking her enthusiasm. She would make that very clear and say it repeatedly that she loves her sister and this will be the only thing. Not just to convince Luna but also to convince herself. She won't be that calm talking to her sister like that.
That sounds more like the way she would be talking to Twilight if Twilight had been very immature. Against the sister who she hasn't seen for so long she would be more gentle and respecting. Not this domineering and lecturing. After all Twilight is her student but Luna is her sister.
8583395
I see your point :3 thank you for the feedback, I’lll make sure to take that into consideration in further chapters!
You guys are all so helpful I’m so thankful for each and every one of you
8583418
You do need to consider how the characters feel about each other. Celestia feels responsible for Twilight's growth and development but does see her as a tough and capable mare. Therefore immature and stupid actions she will not tolerate and since she wants Twilight to be the best she can be will put a lot of effort into raising her properly. She likely also took Twilight in because she enjoys being a mother a lot and wants to experience all the wonders and challenges that come with that. With Luna her relationship is very different as it's an eternal bond. There is never an end to what they do and she mostly just wants to be reunited with her sister and prove to both her and herself that they love each other. This punishment is to absolutely assure Luna has learned her lesson as Celestia can't bear it happening again. Maybe she also diapers Luna to help Luna cope with everything that's happening and to reunite with them over shared memories. She wants to be Luna's equal but she doesn't think Luna is ready for this.
Celestia is the parent of Twilight because she wants to. She is the parent of Luna because she feels she has to. Maybe Celestia would be very harsh in the beginning because she wants to get it over with as quickly as possible.
This is my interpretation so if I went wrong in it please say so.
Well turning into nightmare moon Luna said that it was because celestia tried to control her and to be honest I don't see how this situation is any different. In fact judging by how the staff act around celestia it would seem that she's still a control freak.
8584102
Once again, your feedback has been super helpful! I really appreciate the effort from you and from others to help make this story great!
I’ll be doing some editing and hopefully chapter four will come out in the next couple days. I’m so excited!!!
8584102
I disagree, something like that is a thought and if Luna is pissed off she would be thinking such things. Luna is known for being excessive in everything she does so it makes sense she also has excessive thoughts. Just because she's thinking it doesn't mean she would ever actually go through with it. I think it does show Luna's anger and frustration.
Nice job!
8583151
she not child she only few years younger then her.
8583217
this just made the story worse it sound like she be treat as prisoner!
Luna is princess they are equal Luna have the same right as celestia!
Or does co-rule of equestria does mean anything to celestia?
8583643
agree celestia only start the nightmare allover again.
8585104
Though I can respect your opinion, and you’d probably be right If this was happening in the current universe, where this story takes place Luna is not considered Celestia’s equal. When she became nightmare moon she gave up her rights as ruler, and in cannon, she regained them upon her return, here however Celestia is implementing an extension of the moon punishment, which would have Luna still have less if any power regarding the rule of equestria.
You can say that she’d become nightmare again except that’s not what’s going to happen. Luna became nightmare when Nightmare saw her vulnerability and took advantage of her, telling her lies and preying on her weaknesses and insecurities. When she returned, Nightmare Moon was defeated for good. Aside from that it wouldn’t be rational for Luna to become Nightmare Moon during a punishment for doing that very thing. Furthermore even if everything before this was untrue, Luna’s largest complaint and the driving force for her transformation was that she was upset and afraid that her people and her sister didn’t admire her, which is not the case here as Celestia is clearly showing her determination to make Luna feel loved.
8583472
You’re making assumptions about Celestia’s motivations in this alternate universe, as Celestia has not made it clear at all that she and her sister are equals. This was something that was a turning point in her becoming nightmare moon before she was sent away. If this was occurring in the current universe you would be correct, Luna would be an equal and it would be an argument of coping and love, however in this case, Celestia is essentially continuing her control over Luna but rather than keeping her isolated on the Moon, she is taking her home and giving her tools and love, along side the entertainment factor, which she believes will make her a better mare. In this case she is acting like a teacher, as she does for twilight, although in a different way. Celestia doesn’t see her as an equal as she is continuing a punishment which immediately puts her in a position of power, even if the difference in equality is not dramatically different.
Side note, I apologize for not responding to your comment. From my point of view it seemed to be an argument of opinion rather than constructive criticism, and I didn’t know how opinionated you were on the topic and chose to avoid what I assumed could just end up in a fight.
8585086
“A few years younger” are you sure about that? Luna is significantly smaller than Celestia in cannon and for an Alicorn’s development that would take much more than a few years to differ since they age much slower (tale of two sisters novella).
8585384
In that case maybe you should make that more clear. Like have Luna argue that they should be equals but have Celestia shoot that down.
You need to make it very clear what exactly their relationship is and how they think of each other. If that is clear to people they can usually fill in a lot of blanks themselves.
Well I knew that so I asked you to reply if you didn't see it that way.
8585387
Why would Luna assume they were equal if she was still being punished? It wouldn’t make sense for someone who is incarcerated to attempt to claim equality to a citizen so why would Luna try and do that to Celestia? It would make sense for her to be upset at the fairness of her punishment and it’s durasicness, just like a prisoner might be upset they got a life sentence for jaywalking, but based on the situation it wouldn’t make sense.
Another example is between kids. If one is naughty they might be told they can’t have desert. The child would complain that it wasn’t fair they were being punished, but not that it wasn’t fair their sibling was getting desert. This is because the existence and reasoning for inequality has been established, and the fairness is the thing that should be argued.
It would be strange for Luna to say she shouldn’t be having this done because she was Celestia’s equal, when she knows she is being punished. It makes far more sense for her to say that it’s unfair for her to be punished, because it implies that outside the punishment there is a state of equality.
Because they are sisters. In Luna's mind they should rule together. She would protest when she hears about the punishment.
That overall correct but your example is wrong. Luna already served out her punishment. This is a child thinking it was forgiven yet the siblings still holds their mistake over their heads.
Claiming that it's unfair is already admitting submission.
Celestia does still have power over Luna though because she is the queen. Luna has been largely forgotten so she has no prestige or authority unless Celestia shares it. That could be the blackmail Celestia uses.
8585401
True, Luna could claim that her punishment shouldn’t be continued, however I tried to give a bit of explanation regarding that when Celestia explained that the ponies of equestria weren’t satisfied with banishment and asked for more. It’s still Celestia’s choice but she then has to deal with the possibility of a coup (spelling?).
And even if that doesn’t satisfy your feeling of indignation, unless the story goes in a completely different direction, one I don’t intend to take it down because I feel it has been over done, there has to be at some point the consent between the two that they are not equal, either by age, or by punishment, or by political influence. That is how I want this universe to function, which i know is different from cannon.
8585417
Maybe she should say that. That their people still want this and that she agrees with them. I would think the one thing Celestia doesn't want to do is truly antagonize her sister.
I'm not saying their position is bad or anything, just that it isn't quite clear. In what ways are they equal and in what ways is one dominant over the other? Celestia has divine authority over other ponies but is Luna an exception to that or not?
8585420
I tried to explain that in early chapter one or two, when Celestia said, literally, that the ponies demanded more, and that this punishment was a compromise to their more violent demands. She also went under oath showing her commitment to that compromise. I’m not sure how much clearer I can make that.
8585423
The way that she was saying it made it feel like Celestia was just making that up. She didn't show real frustration or regret about those facts. Make it clear what Celestia thinks about the situation.
8585423
do you have a brother or sister?
because all it sound like u don't understand how a family work?
and what about the bat guard that sever her would they fight with Luna?
I wounding how much do real know on celestia and Luna history that includes when starswirl was round?
8586216
Firstly, I have eight siblings, one blood and seven step. Four older and four younger. I’ve taken classes on childhood education and family communication, so yes I know how a family works.
Secondly, the novella which I own and have read twice “the Journal of the two sisters” had a very intimate knowledge of Luna and Celestia’s relationship before and during their transition to princess-hood.
And thirdly, no Luna’s guard likely wouldn’t attack her. They were impatient at her obstinance because they were trying not to get in trouble with Celestia. They aren’t so much acting as guards, although it is one of their duties. In this case they are acting primarily as escorts, a person who watched her and gets her from place to place. They have a moderate amount of authority over her given to them by Celestia, which is why they seem uncomfortable, they aren’t used to the change in the power dynamics as well as Luna’s new outfit.
8586229
then you know that family protect each other if her pony say they want more she can just overrule them it.
funny that not the only book on them! you still have lot more to read about.
like for example did know Luna is the design of canterlot castle? or Luna is could open portal to different dimension before celestia could?
and if not equals then how Luna going be able do her job like protect pony dream. because celestia can't enter other dream?
what about the Tantabus right Luna return she create it?
the guard I mean they will fight Luna to protect her celestia treatment! hell if say the princess swear to protect be treat like this I stand and say something to celestia! hell I won't let celestia guard treat her like she bad pony or another serve to celestia!
8586251
Families do stick together no matter what, and they are, just because you punish your child doesn’t mean that you’re no longer family. In this case, Celestia is taking up the role of parent and teacher, nurturing Luna but also punishing her.
Funny, which things that are considered cannon do I still have to read that apply here?
The design of Canterlot castle and her portal abilities have no bearing on her punishment.
If Celestia is unable to walk dreams then what did the ponies do while Luna was exiled on the moon? Either Celestia can walk dreams, or it is not a necessary job and it can resume when Luna’s punishment is over.
The tantibus was created because of luna’s guilt about becoming nightmare moon, and her fear that it would happen again. In this universe the likelihood that she would feel guilty is much lower, since she is still being punished, and even if she did, the closeness of her and her sister because of her punishment would mean that her guilt would be dealt with far before it could ever cause the tantibus.
You say Celestia could just ignore her subjects and do whatever she wants, but we have seen time in time again in history that when rulers ignore their subjects it can very quickly lead to a coup and the ruler overthrown. We also see that Celestia is quite kind to her subjects and takes their concerns to heart. It wouldn’t be surprising that she attempted to compromise with them. You say She didn’t protect Luna, but the citizens were basically calling for blood, and she managed to get to a punishment which may be degrading but not painful, and certainly allowed her to give her sister all the love she could ever want.
And finally if Luna decided to fight her treatment as hard as possible the guards wouldn’t attempt to fight her. They’d summon Celestia who could quite easily deal with Luna, especially since she has no use of her magic or wings. She’d just restrain her and talk with her until an agreement could be considered.
You also have to consider that none of this is how Luna is reacting. Sure she’s embarrassed and hates being treated like a foal, but she’s also struggling because it’s better than the moon, better than torture, and she feels closer to her sister than she had before. She feels loved and though her frustration is coming out in tantrums or insubordination it’s ultimately defeated by Celestia’s will and love for her sister. I.e the high chair scene in chapter three.
8585466
I’ll see what I can do to remedy that, thank you for the feedback and the discourse, I really appreciate that you were respectful about it. :3