• Member Since 28th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen Sep 24th, 2022

Leviathan Jaeger


An attempting writer who loves villains and thinks Sundagio is best ship.

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The main crew, the Dazzlings, the Shadowbolts, and others all get invited to the CHS yearly dance. Everyone is there for about the same reason, but as the night goes on, their reasons change.

Each chapter focuses on a new set of people. Every chapter is about the same party, just from different view points.

Basically, find a couple you like and read about what they do, or try reading new ones, or read all of it...it's up to you.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 15 )

I liked how you set this up, particularly that there was no mention of redemption, and no question of Adagio not measuring up to Sunset's hero standards :twilightsmile:

That said, the love confession was a bit much for me, I'd just have had them get together and then see how it goes.

Think I will try the Shadowbolts chapter next :twilightsmile:

Sour Sweet is best Shadowbolt. Liked how the ending her was a bit more understated, and I liked how you characterised her throughout.

"I mean, you're still a nice person..."

Aria rolled her eyes and slumped forward. "You know I'm not."

:pinkiehappy:

MJP

pinkie and cheese/pinkie and skystar?

8564271
I'm happy that you enjoyed this story, and I do kinda suck at writing love confessions, but I'm learning...slowly.

8564503 Huh, I didn't get a notification about your reply :rainbowhuh:

I wasn't meaning to imply that you weren't very good at writing love confessions, my problem was more that one was in the story at all - all the relationships I know are much more likely to have a couple getting together and then saying their ILYs a month or two into it.

So my preferences are more towards an 'I really like you, do you wanna grab a coffee sometime?' than a mutual declaring of secret love, especially with the actual word love in there (that's a big, scary word I'd suggest saving until both characters are more sure of their footing). A kiss can go either way - it can be unexpected and invasive if the affection isn't returned (which is the risk the kisser runs when going for it, perhaps not the best thing to be suggesting in the wake of the current sexual harrassment headlines :unsuresweetie:), but equally it can be true to life sometimes :twilightsmile:

But that's just me and my tastes, not to say there's anything wrong with your story for being different.

this was really cute, OctaScratch never disappoints! :twilightsmile:

8565664
I understand. I'm still trying to learn the right ways to write a story, which is why I love your comments, very helpful.

This one was probably my favorite chapter. Very sweet, made me want to see more OctaScratch :heart:

I would absolutely second forbloodysummer's remarks, though; not that there's anything wrong with heartfelt declarations of love and kisses and all that, but it's very difficult to give them much impact when you only build up to them for a thousand words, doubly so when you throw seven of them into one story. I'm guessing that you're quite fond of scenes like that, so you absolutely should be writing them, but the way you're implementing them makes them feel like they just happen, as opposed to being something that the characters had to earn. There's no tension to be felt, so the story's sweet and cute but doesn't quite have that extra little bit it needs to be really romantic, if that makes any sense at all.

Of course, whether that's something that you need to think much about depends entirely on what kinds of stories you want to tell; if you were going for something cute and fluffy, here, you absolutely delivered. I tend to prefer the more emotionally intense stories, but that's no reason you should have to write that way. Just something to think about :twilightsmile:

8565940
It pretty much was just a fluffy story to enjoy, while throwing in multiple couples. Although I will take your advice, since I'm still rather new to writing. I do hope to write at least one good emotional love story some day.

8565766 It's ok, you're moving in the right direction, it'll get better and better with practice :twilightsmile:

I didn't get a notification about this reply again, but I think I may know why? You have to reply to comments in the same chapter they're posted in, or the notification won't be sent (I think). So my initial comment was in the Adagio chapter, and your reply is attacked to the Sour Sweet chapter (comments are attached to the latest chapter if you reply to the story as a whole, and that was the latest published at the time), I responded to you on that one, and your latest one is attached to the Octavia chapter, again as it was the latest published at the time.

I think that's it, at least. It's pretty weird, but ideally one should reply to comments on the same chapter they're found in.

Oddly enough, I want to see where this goes.

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