• Member Since 1st Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen May 22nd, 2020

Magicolt808


T

Bronycon 2013 is long very awaited event that many bronies plan on attending. There is also a special treat for everyone who attends this year. The Mane 6 will be arriving from Ponyville as guests and are available for autographs and pictures. But when a plan to attack them is discovered, Celestia acts fast to find the humans most suitable to protect the Ponies and the Elements as they face an unknown group, with infinitely dangerous possibilities..

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 20 )

hmmm, interesting concept, yes, please, continue

Aru

I need to used to this anime style(i don't have problem with it at all if this is going to be done good and not with too many freakt actions :P). Poor Twi, nobody wanted to guard her..... But anywaaaay.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1235_Discord_go_on.gif
Story is going to be watched... i wait for moar.

I believe that this is not without it's promise. Watching.

Oh Magic, sneaking yourself in :rainbowlaugh: But anyways, I like the idea, good job! :pinkiehappy:

No.

Already I read the first four lines and something is off.
"Dash turned over as she hovered in midair, “Those things Lyra is always going on about?” she giggled."
"she giggled."

Rainbow Dash is not a giggler. The only time she does anything girly is when something big happens.

I shall edit this once I am done reading, as my Review.

And here's the edit.

So the story is that the main six will visit the human world for a year to go to the Bronycon and do signing and autograph stuff. BUT they are tipped that a group of humans are planning on attacking them so instead of just not going the hire other humans to protect them. Oh and in the meantime we have a weird-ass General doing some crazy experiments on people and his son is a total douche while his daughter is a vegetable.

Now ill admit the story plot doesn't really interest me at all. This chapter was... ok, but you could have done better. As always. (Joke) ..... (ish)

I first want to point out how it is very unlike Dash to giggle. She laughs, sneers, and mocks. Not giggle. As she would put it "Not cool."

the next thing i want to point out is that i think the General scene could have waited. I mean i understand its suppose to... do something related to the story but for this chapter it does nothing. If anything you could have made this chapter longer by explaining how the humans contacted Celestia and giving better background information about each of the human protectors. While putting of that General scene onto the beginning of the next chapter.

The talk between Shining Armour and Celestia could have been a bigger deal too. I mean I am glad you said Shining Armour didn't trust the Humans... but that's all you did. You should have made him argue with Celestia that that was his Sister going to the human world and that he didnt want to lose her again. (See the final episodes of season 2)

Uhh whats going with Spike? is he visiting lost friends? is he going? we need more background information.

Actually, in general you just need more background information. You're introducing a lot of new characters in a very short time and not at the very best way. Slow down, explain how we contacted them, why they even trust us if they have not even met us, dont just leave us wonder "wtf" with the General scene, and the most imprtant thing of all...

Fix
Apple Jack's
Voice.

She dwarls remember? country accent. make her sounds country.

I think thats about it, so Bravo and Encore.

935771 Okay so maybe we didn't clear a lot of things up. I'll get on the AJ drawl because you know me, just as big an AJ fan as you are!

Also, I didn't make up the plotline. Foxxy made the timeline and I just kinda added more detail. We'll get right on fixing everything and start on the second chapter that will hopefully clean things up.

-Magic

935885
You got me when you said Apple Jack.

:raritywink:

Sorry about that one verb mishap, wont happen again.

You get the gist of the story, but it makes sense that the mane 6 would still go. For one, they don't even know about the attack themselves. Two, if the mane 6 backed down from challenges the show wouldn't be that interesting. Also, it never says Trey is his son. Vegetable is kind of a crude word to describe what's happening.

Sorry my story plot doesnt appeal to you much, I can only please so many people at once :raritywink:

I like not explaining things and leaving a mystery. People like to solve mysteries as the story progresses and also, it gives me a chance to let people learn about the characters as the story goes on.

A lot of your questions are answered if you would just wait....

Also, the scene between Celestia and Shining Armour could have been better, but I didn't write that, Magic did. All I wrote for that was like the last sentence and the not trusting the humans part. Funny huh lol

Magic is the Applejack specialist, but I think he already said that lol.

Thanks for the feedback, will clean up story and try harder in the future. :raritywink:

:raritywink::raritywink::raritywink:
:raritywink:
:raritywink::raritywink:
:raritywink:
:raritywink:

"According to Celestia, we are quite popular, so what’s the worst that could happen?” Twilight said smiling.

Twi, you've killed us all.

969149
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Murphy's Law now takes into effect. This isn't going to go well at all. Not well at all. Let's just hope that our pony guardians are up to the task of protecting them all.

This gets more interesting with every chapter.

Well that didn't take long for manure to hit the fan.

And this is the action that I have been waiting for. Nice work to all of you
:yay::yay::yay:

AAACCCTTTIIIIOOOOONNNNNN. Good so far and waiting for more. Also NOT FLUTTERSHY

Bronies vs. Non-Bronies. The bronies would kill non-bronies to save the ponies.:applecry:

I remember I went to Bronycon 2013!

*pauses*

Hey is that me in the background? In line for asking a question?

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