AmethystMare
Joined 8th Nov, 2016 ·
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....Interesting. Favorited
8477398
Thanks! Hoping people enjoy, but it's always touch and go with a specific commission as it's so tailored to an individual.
Have a nice night!
Is Wilda like an oc or something?
8477424
Yes - I should have the OC tag marked on the story, I apologise if it was missed!
8477430
No probs still a very intriguing story and I can't wait to read more soon.
good start let where it will go from here
This was an... Intriguing beginning.
Hope the next chap has a bit more though.
8477461
Good evening,
I've split the story for readability. Six chapters this week and the remaining five next week.
Cheers!
8477433
Where? All written already, just staggering the chapter posting :)
8477497
Okay then.
Well...
media.makeameme.org/created/cheers-i-drink.jpg
The difference in how Celestia treats Twilight and Wilda is very... jarring.
Also, what's Wilda's cutie mark?
Favoritism, thy name is Celestia
8477817
Fair point, I'll keep an eye on that in future stories, thanks for the feedback. It does become clearer, but it is jarring here.
8477972
Honestly, I think the character is very prone to it, but this is purely my take on her flaws! :)
This chapter seemed a little short is it possible to keep them a consistent around 4000 words adds a bit more meat to the story it felt a little rushed
8479760
Apologies, the whole novella has already been written and all set. Due to the scenes/story commissioned, chapter length had to be varied
(However, I do endeavour to keep chapters a similar length in my personal works for continuity and will continue to do so in planning.)
I'm confused on that last sentence, the implication was that Celestia was turn on my the strange visitor? Because that is the only conclusion I can come up with. Or is there something else I'm missing.
Also why do you keep leaving so huge gaps of space between sentences? Is that on purpose or do they find a clue? Did you find a way to write invisible sentences that I need to mark in order to see to find a clue? Because if so, then this story justo got even more interesting.
Also maybe you should establish a little more who is talking, its kind of hard to follow if I'm seeing Celestia perspective, Kevin, Twilight the guard or even that new alicorn
8479935
I meant to describe how a horse's tail flicks, but how it would show in an undulating, ethereal tail (having worked on stable yards for years).
I think it dislikes my formatting, although I'll try to nuke the extra gaps where it's done a double. As this is posted on multiple sites, one line break is useful for readability across multiple sites.
Cheers!
8479950
Oh! that explains thanks, also I don't know if this is a moo question but telling 'he is a pony' leaves me with the question of what he is? The three races describe themselves as ponies so…is he really big earth pony? Like the european ones that are practically giants amount their species?
8479955
He's an earth pony type but larger than normal, so he looks a bit strange and gangly! I highlight this later in the next couple of chapters, poor Kevin.
8479980
Hmm so similar to those legendary european horses, cool. I always wonder why they have extra hair on the base of their hooves
8479983
I'm in the UK. The hair is called "feather" and usually present on native breeds, such as irish cobs, shires and typical draught horses across the board. Now it is a distinction of individual breeds like different dog breeds have different physical characteristics. :)
8480014
Awesome
Sometimes, Twi, you have rather strange tastes in "fun."
Story looks promising, but hmm, very original character of a random black coated angsty teenagey type alicorn out of nowhere (just needs a spindly moustache to twirl to go with that evil foreshadowing) is guaranteed to kill a story stone cold dead. In saying that if it is part of the commission I guess it can't be helped! The silver mane dye isn't hiding the red very well either
8481363
If you mean she's like Tempest, I actually wrote this before I watched the film. I almost wish I had been able to show a "far from reformed" Tempest though, that would have been AMAZING.
But I'm biased! :D
Thank you for considering that it's a commission too - that is so very much appreciated.
8480544
Thank you, I really tried to get the personality right :D
Ominous way for this chapter to end.
8481731
Will have to read on tomorrow ^_^
Great story so far, flow is a bit fast but it's fine.
8481818
Attention spans are short in a digital world and I'm still learning the balance. But I'll get there! Was a lot to fit into the commissioned word count too, but hey ho, was fun :)
I am satisfied please continue
8482289
The story has been written in full and one chapter per day is being posted.
I like this story.
I also like that it'll be updating daily.
:D A good author you are to your readers :)
8482857
Thanks it's nice to get a comment like this at work! :)
I didn't notices before but Kevin haven't used his hoof to do anything, like in the show is there a reason for that?
8484273
It just wasn't something I saw the character doing when I imagined a human being turned into a horse. I think he has more than enough trouble just walking, let alone using his hooves for anything else!
8484927
Ah so is more like he is still adapting, kind of curious because one imagine Twilight would teach him how to used them right after walking consider the work he is doing, it was kind of confusing that no one every consider telling him at least how to try. Or maybe they just want him to try and learn how to walk first.
Huh...Celestia: Level 1000 vs. Kevin: Level 1 ...poor guy, she will eat him alive! XD
Little did he know...
Celestia only wants to make him a prince so she can dump paperwork on him
Lazy lady that princess Celestia is... she just saw how hard you were willing to work.
Alright now let's head into serious comment time.
I love it. Seriously.
That is all.
8485616
OMG... I think you made my day!
8485586
She is a lady with experience ;)
Supremacists like Wilda never last long. Someone will take her down, and I can't wait to see all her disgusting ideals thrown back in her face!
"For every scorned pony..."
This is why you shouldn't leave survivors. They'll come back to kill you later.
8485810
I hope I managed to turn her on her head a bit here (as she is rather ruthless, but it's something I've seen in real life when it comes to education and schooling in the UK), as I tried to draw sympathy for her initially. Just a trial on my part! :)
8485851
Damn right!
Or they'll know how badly you failed.
Oh dang. I wonder if Wilda will try to hold the moon in place too...
Make it look like Luna went Nightmare again..
shivers
Edit: autocorrect doesn't like Wilda. Also, spoilers need spoiler tags.