Twilight Sparkle is a prodigy at magic as her cutie mark would imply. When she is attempting one of Starswirl's forgotten spells she stumbles upon a poor soul in need of help. Leaping to action Twilight saves this soul. Sort of.
Zoe finds herself in a new world and new body after a fateful fall. With the scars of her past still haunting her dreams and many strange new things to try to adjust to she will have to learn to stand tall despite the growing pressures of a society that soon will be shook to its core.
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This takes place shortly after the Canterlot Invasion. Many of the events of the show after that will not come to pass but some will though I have no intention of recapping any episode unless I am drastically changing it.
Awesome chapter my friend and I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting and keep me posted on the story thanks
7851243 I am part way done with the next chapter. Which is to stay I am 1500 words into it but I don't really know how long this chapter is going to be. I am bad at planing that sort of stuff out in advance. But you should have more to read by Monday. I am going to school so I don't know how well I am going to be able to pump out chapters but I am going to try.
7851314 that's OK just keep doing what ur doing I can wait
Great chapter my friend and I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks
7852517 See I have the next chapter done but I think I want to wait till tomorrow to post it. Three chapters in the space of twenty four hours is probably not the best for gathering readers. Then again who am I kidding I always upload as soon as possible.
7852947 OK I'll be waiting my friend
Well this seems to be off to a good start. It reminds me allot of your story "Broken then Healed" (A very similar beginning ) but I loved that story and I am sure I will enjoy this one.
Keep up the good work.
7854985 In some ways this is Broken then Healed Plus. I may be doing too much with this story all at once but hopefully it will pay off. Thanks for the comment and I hope that I can deliver a story that you continue to like.
great chapter my friend
Well I like how this story started and that Celestia wasn't to mad with Twilight, but this nearly sounded like Twilight shouldn't try to save a life.
Maybe it depens on who you ask, but I think Twilight made the best out of it.
I have to admit I'm a bit sleepy right now, but I'm not sure if this sudden solution wasn't somehow to sudden or random.
I wanted to say that I would have expected a different reaction from the main char, but it is okay if she doesn't remember her past now.
Well I don't think you let her die, but I still hope this isn't a short story.
aahhh shit, I hate it if it happens so fast and easy.
Okay seriously, if she remembers that then I would have expected her to somehow freak out that she didn't got her wish and hasn't died. I just can't image that it is not important to her that she is still living, even if she wanted to die.
It is difficult to decide that, but I liked the answer that she was more or less only a day old, at least her memories seems to be still messed up.
I don't mean that I don't like this, but I'm a little dissapointed, that I haven't seen much psychological stuff till now, I mean what you have written made sense in a way, but I thought I would see how she reacts to herself still living. I hope if she get's back her memories, or even if she doesn't get it back, that she is still thinkingit wouldn't have been bad if she died. That maybe sounds wrong, but I mean that I want her not to change her own opinion, even if she is seen as a newborn right now.
If this should be a universe, where the ponys are overly emotional, then I want the main char to have more of the so called Human personality which would at least be a bit tougher in said universe, which could be the reason why she woudn't freak out so fast.
I really enjoyed a different story where Vinyl had a huge depression and was consider to kill herself, it was only a bit sad that her reaction to Fluttershy was a bit unrealistic and it looked like she was magically cured. I liked to see how she got slowly better, but if you are really that depressed, then you don't just start thinking, "hey maybe I think everything is okay now, let's party".
It is not really something bad, but I get tired and kind of hate to see bad guys that soon in a story. Maybe I like the peace or different ways to create problems in those storys a bit more, but the bad guys always come to soon.
I don't know if I find this more interessting or if I want the full pony body experience.
Maybe she should act more confused? she seems to be to clever for someone in her situation or without memories, but I admit I saw a similar character already, it just feels weird this time.
ah yes and please don't forget to tel her about it, or ask her at least once. (sorry but if this wouldn't be a kids show, this would definitly some sort of live controlling moment, something twilight wasn't asked if she wants it)
This is easy to ignore for me, but I still got angry thinking about it again. It is just something that goes against how I would act, and I always hated storys, or at least moments where other characters did something mean or not to the main char even if he never wanted it.
I would love to see that in one story they at least talk about it, or ask her if she wants to act as a princess, it is actually worse that she "has" to do all the stuff. I don't let the answer count that she never did something against it in a show, mostly because as a kids show I don't believe they would ever speak that much about such a matter.
7857827 first off thanks for the great feedback.
I may not have portrayed it well but for that first day she was mostly in a shock daze. As a person who has attempted suicide that is what I found I was like the following days. Of course everyone is different. She is not cured of her depression and I will strive to do better to job of making sure that comes across.
I may have introduced some of the conflict too early. I don't really know when is the best time to start putting in the foreshadowing (especially the very blunt kind).
As for Twilight's ascension it will not go as Celestia has planned. I don't like the fics where she is perfect and I hope that what happens will be acceptable to you.
As for hybrid vs pony body, I don't know if I like this route better. I picked this almost randomly but I intend to run with this fully though. It took me a week (which is a long time for me to debate an idea) to decide and I hope this will help make this story interesting.
If I understood it right and it happened to you to like you said in you last comment, then I'm storry and I mean it.
However I have to admit that I always loved to read about pyschological stuff and something like this, I like to see how she is slowly getting better and hopefully not to fast. However I don't know how big you would want to make your story, I would read a lot at least.
Well you get my upvote now.
I liked what you told me in your last comment, at least I don't remember anything bad right now.
I kind of image herself not exactly knowing why she did that, but only having the nearly innocent thought that she isn't supposed to live. You now like someone who maybe wouldn'T see the problm with it, but that is mostly because I'm still not sure if she is getting back her memories or not. You probably told me already, but I think she only has a few memories and feelings her old body had.
great and kinda scary end of the chapter my friend. but I can't wait for the next upload for this story keep me posted
7859606 yeah I was pretty nervous about this chapter. I want to try to be realistic with my portrayal of depression but sometimes that is scary
7859635 that's ok my friend u don't have to be nervous just keep doing what ur doing and send an update for this story
Awesome chapter my friend and I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks
I think it depens on how someone writes the story, but I'm sure the country maybe could handle herself for day as long as decisions are still made if something important happens.
Not bad, but maybe I should stop reading if I don't have enough time, I often feel like it is changing my opinion slightly, that I may enjoy some stuff less because I always have to finish a bit faster than usually.
7861334 could it and will Celestia let it are two different things. It is a Tuesday in story which are busy government days. And Celestia has issues letting go of her projects even if just for a while when she can delegate the distraction to someone else.
All that said I am trying to juggle a lot of characters and some of my representations may not quite make the mark.
7862248 Not sure if I understood everythingthis time, you know with me being the German guy, but you can do what you want with Celestia, I just always wish to name it if I see her act like that.
However it is nice to have a different explanation for her behavior, I like to hear that you thought a bit more about her. (that is if I understood everything the way you meant it).
I guess I just wish to see them not being that stupid once, not that this would have been bad, but I want to see more princesses that actually remember that they actually can have a bit more freedome. Some people may have some good explanations, but I don't believe that they can't get more freedom.
Saw this, your avatar niggled at my memory. Had to look at your stories to see why. Broken then Healed was enjoyable as I recall, so I'll be giving what you have here a solid read, see how it is and let you know once I do.
Yikes that's really scary that Equestria had suicides secretly
This chapter does come off as rough, between a fair few typos and some awkwardly structured sentences. I don't remember how the standard for Broken then Healed was as far as writing, but if you have any friends who frequent the site and have some knowledge of writing, perhaps they may be able to help proof it a bit? Really can't formulate an interest in the story one way or the other quite yet off the single chapter, but it does indeed follow quite close to how Broken began as well.
huh? What fainting spell? did I forgot to read a part again?, and she hit her head again and again after that?, just trying to make sure I understood it right.
It starts to make more sense in the end, but I think I would still say that you please explain to me what you meant. Is it a way to say it in english or did she really cast a spell to faint or something?, I think it probably meant that she fainted after she was hitting her head?
However this chapter was really good, I pretty much enjoyed everything.
that was nice.
I'm searching for a story where Luna is in love with a Human, maybe even an Pony OC if he isn't a wimp, but I want Luna to be a bit crazy there. I need to explain it with a different story.
there was a story with Dash and she accidently sleeped with the their Human guide after she got drunk. Now the next part is somehow sad and I only will concentrate on the Rainbow part for now, but this could still look funny with Luna in her place I think.
Well Dash proably didn't wanted to believe she had sex with someone she didn't really loved so she got somehow crazy and tried to act like she was his Marefriend to gain his affection but she was rather persistent in that regard and had a breakdown once they talked about it, because she lost her virginity to him.
Now I didn't meant to talk about the sex part, but I thought it would explain it better like this.
Like I said if someone knows a story where Luna is gaining her first friend (the Human), and is desperately trying to get him as a lover maybe because she understood his nice behavior wrong. I think I would like it he isn't giving in right away and if they have a huge fight and a sad Luna before he would maybe agree to date her for a while, to see if they have a future. I would like that to be the real shipping of the story to, in the different story I believe Rainbow didn't got him.
7868843 she blacked out during a flashback. That is what was supposed to be shown when she fell in an earlier chapter.
I can't help you on where to find that story. Princess Luna is an important character in this story so hopefully you will find some enjoyment here. though again not what you were looking for.
7867215 As is probably obvious by my writing I suck at editing. I have a hard time forcing myself to go through the chapter again and then I miss stuff all the time. Sorry for that. I don't really have anyone willing to help edit this right now so this is what I have. I hope that isn't a turn off to you.
Also yes this is very similar to Broken then Healed. I am starting to get to the point where it deviates from BTH in serrious ways. Soon there will be things that happen that are outside influences. They have been hinted at in chapter four but their plans will come to fruition soon. Well at least one of them will.
I hope that you find this one as enjoyable. There isn't as much heartwarming in the early parts of this story as in BTH but it will come.
7869210 it's okay and thank you, I only tried to figure out if a story like that exist and in chase it doesn't, I wanted to give other some ideas.
Awesome chapter my friend and I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks
hhhmmm is that supposed to mean something? Is this a little pointer to a romance?
I needed to stop for a moment, at first I thought it was mean of Luna to just make her a princess and I didn't noticed that it was Luna being playfull at first. However after I had read that sentence everything was alright, in fact I actually started thinking about the real situation again.
They need to make her feel like she is wanted, then they need to make sure she likes herself againt I guess, then giving her some friends along the way. As usually I hope she is getting some funny and maybe even clumsy friends that aren't the usual main six too. Somehow I really enjoy Rarity in this story and somehow I even start to like Aegis.
I guess because of some certain storys I don't liked the way I expect some characters might act like, but that little Guard there looks alright so far.
Only to be sure, our...main char is as big as Luna?, sorry I'm not that concentrated this week, it could have to do with the things I have to do and problems I have to solve at the moment.
7872509 Zoe is much smaller than Luna. Her pony half is shorter than Twilight and she is about a head taller than Twilight with her human half counted.
I hope that you continue to like Aegis Heart after I start his story in the next few chapters.
I want to have characters other than the Mane six being friends with Zoe. This story is going to deal with some major things in Equestria. Such as the return of the Crystal Empire and other things that have been hinted at (very bluntly) already in the story but I don't want to spoil anyway. This story is also Twilight's story. So the mane six will be a part of it. Though again not that big of a part. No Twilight's part is pretty major from events that happen but in part it is how those around her, specifically Zoe deal with the aftermath.
Also Zoe is a princess in the same sense that Blueblood is a Prince. Has a title but no real political power.
7872196 Again thanks for the comment. I hope you continue to like this story. Feel free to message me if you have any ideas or questions.
7872544
honestly even if you maybe don't think that way, I thought this is only because Zoe has that huge problem, if she would be worth it and if she is hearled, then she would probably get at least some part of the power.
I don't mind Twilight being there, but I like that she is getting her own friends. The thing with the guards....well I try to explain it, but it is not always that easy or exactly like that.
I hate romances like those in which some childhood friend is going to marry another one, just because they knew each other from the start (in every game, movie and story, but sometimes it can be done good.
While I'm not sure if her height would make a romance even likely to happen, my reaction in the first second was the usual one.
My second reason is, that I don't exactly enjoy
- Rainbow having her fanfilly relationship because of Soarin being a Wonderbolt, at least if it is not shown that she like him for something else.
- Celestia or Luna always falling in love with someone at the castle or a guard (as if it couldn't happen otherwise considering some other stories). Sometimes I believe this here has to do with some authors making it look like they abuse their power, or that it looks like they are to affraid to not get into a relationship with them. I just miss the reasons often enough, I'm not a fan of those short flashbacks where they never actually have a reason to suddenly love the princesses. In one story a gardener from Luna just talked with her and didn't even seems interessted, but suddenly she was asking him and I believe he just agreed.
- a guard captain getting forced or talked into a relationship with his underling.
I guess it is just to much of a coincidence to me most of the time. Well most likely my first concern was because of a possible romance and some akward things happening that I couldn't really describe right now.
Everything can be done right and as much as I read here I see many different people with many different tastes, so of course it isn't going to happen always like I want it, or maybe sometimes even to crazy or perverted.
Anyway good night, which time is it for you now?
7872653 It is just afternoon here. I am in the Pacific north west.
Awesome chapter my friend and I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks
To be honest I like that, but I can't tell when it happens to much, I guess she just is like that right now.
Is she trying to be funny or is she kind of honestly shocked? I think she really means what she is saying right now.
I'm suprised that this guy got anyone, I believe he normally would keep no one.
Well nice chapter. I always want to say the press thing and stuff like that would be overdone, but then I remember she is the princess and just like in real life there are idiots that are interessted in every little detail of her life, because of that the press and showing Zoe makes sense to a certain point. I mean there is nothing wrong with being interessted in their queen, but if I remember it right, there where hundred of people waiting in front of a hospital waiting for her to get her children like they would watch some sport.
7874087 I am taking cues of Ponyville and their treatment of Zecora as an example of how ponies treat the strange and unusual. Which is to say not well. Part of that could be because of the relative uniqueness of a zebra to the area. In my story the ponies of equestria are a bit xenophobic. They get allong well with their imedate neighbors (the Griffons and Minotuars) but not so much for any creature else. This is in part due to the lingering effects of Discord's rule of the ponies a thousand plus years prior. Princess Celestia has worked to rid the ponies of this but still it lingers.
This leads me to why there is the press conference. Princess Celestia is trying to make sure that Zoe gets a warm welcome into Equestria and one of the best ways to do that is have a Princess endorse you.
The part you didn't understand was Zoe having a particularly bad flashback to her jump. I don't think I am quite getting that one across as well as I could.
And yes she was being serrious. Sometimes worry gets the best of us.
7875464
okay I was just curious if she really was that innocent or how I wanted to call it last time.
Not sure if i really got that point across, it is a bit difficult to say how some people mean their comments, but while I thought that way about the press thing in the story, I remembered something and could actually understand her reason.
I mean your right, in Equestria there more or less only are the princesses and they really love them, which means it kind of works the best if she would show Zoe.
However maybe they should tell Zoe not to just trust every noble or think a bit more about what they say.
In the real life I sometimes think it is a bit overdone how they react or act if something is about famous people.
So to no one in particular but I have just now realized that I have forgotten Fluttershy in all of this mess....yep
Awesome chapter my friend and I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks
I hope Twilight is letting Zoe heal naturally and isn't trying the master spell of happy emotions.
then do that and let her be.
Okay now to my real comment :
Well...I understand the elements are considered to be "Harmony", which maybe don't need to mean "Happines", but thats not what I want to say anyway. The scenes where we saw everyone of them made me think of all those cartoons where we see a short scene with every character before they pull some sort of big stunt and do something big to beat their enemy.
In certain moments it looks weirdly dramatic, but the weirdest thing is maybe my imagination in combination with this chapter.
I have no suggestion for how it could have been otherwise, but it looked like all of them could think of nothing more important than Zoe right now, and like they would dedicate their life to her. I guess the only problem was that it looked a bit to dramatic, I was kind of happy that Rarity wasn't so devasted by the stuation even if it probably saddened her.
I like emotional stuff, but I'm only that emotional.
Long story short,
1. you made no real mistake
2. Applejack had an egoistic moment there if you ask me. I don't care if she knows Rainbow Dash, I don't believe Rainbow wouldn't have gone with a later train and I don't mean the last one. You don't have to change it, I just react on what the characters are doing or how they act. Sometimes Applejacks reasons sound like it wouldn't have been the only solution to the problem and most likely not even the problem of others.
3.Well I said enough about the drama, so I only say good job otherwise, it is just about my personal opinion this time.
7877506 Twilight is prone to taking extreme measures so we shall see what happens.
I can get you on the chapter. It may have been too much build up for what I ended with. I hope that I didn't over do it. I just wanted to touch on all of them and what they were thinking. They were brought to Canterlot just for Zoe so that being the focal point for them seemed natural to me. All of them will have life to get back to soon enough so I wanted to have a sweet coming together part of the story before they went their separate ways.
Also there is still the threats hinted at in chapter four just waiting to strike.
hay do more chapters I like this story