Look at what you did, sis. Such terrible things. And sometimes, I even helped. I hated every second of it, but I crossed line after line, all because I love you. And fear you. But I never thought you would ask me to do something like this.
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Hmm I always prefer Rarity in a submissive role personally but this is a well written story. I'd be likely to read more to see how it develops...
928585
read the other stories about this
their in hams profile
This story intrigues me.
I'm getting a very Starscream/Megatron vibe from Silver Spoon/Rarity. Part of me hopes the grey foal will plot to usurp power from Rarity, while still appealing sniveling and submissive on the surface.
I like Sweetie's portrayal...for the most part. I don't know, but for me there comes a point when a relationship with a sibling is damaged beyond repair. Sweetie and Rarity crossed that line and left it in the dust several miles back. I don't care how traumatized Sweetie Belle is. Unless this is a dystopian future with corrupt cops and Rarity's friends really are powerful enough to be untouched by the law, then Sweetie should go to the police as fast as she can.
I was never sold on Rarity's manipulation of Sweetie Belle. The mare's personality shifted from forcing her younger sister to call herself a filthy little whore to Rarity crying that she was scared for her life. My brain got character whiplash.
And yes, I understand that Rarity wasn't really scared, but merely manipulating the little filly. It just seems that in order for Sweetie to be fooled and go along with this plan, she must have the memory of a gold fish.
I hope I'm not coming off as too harsh. I really do love this premise and am eager to see what you do with it.
But it's just so well written I can't stop.
Oh, manipulation? Evil then nice then back to evil? This I like.
My biggest gripe with the first chapter is Rarity herself. I like complex villains who have rationalized in their own demented minds that their actions are pure and true. Simple sadists who twirl their mustaches and revel in their evilness never really excited me.
Now, with that being said, I did write a story called 120 Days of Blueblood. Here's how the sadistic prince talked to Sweetie Belle in that story:
"I told her that a commoner's solitary meaningful contribution to society was to provide pleasure to royalty.
...The filly asked if this sight pleased me. I replied that I was pleased and reassured her that she would soon be reunited with her father."
The promise of her imprisoned father being freed motivated the reluctant filly to comply with the prince's licentious demands. False hope is a sadist's greatest tool. When you take away hope and break their spirit, then the game is over.
You gave Rarity a bit of complexity by having her manipulate Sweetie Belle. I think that would be something to expand on in future chapters. Especially if the mare plans to groom her sister to follow in her horseshoes.
That was a double mind fuck I just readI like
Poor Sweetie. The only way she can attempt to stop this abuse is from the inside, and to get there she will have to embrace and become the very thing she despises. By the time she gets there, she will be in so deep, it will be too late.
Rarity is clearly a master manipulator, and has Sweetie wraped around her hoof,
Hate my self for this but, Enjoying this series more than I should be.
929693
I'm gonna have to object here. I do understand what you're saying, but having grown up with a manipulative sibling, I really understand the shift that happened here. My little brother is a sociopath, a dealer, often acts as hired muscle for street gangs, and I would be surprised if he's never killed anyone. That being said, if he came to me and said "Grimm, I need help" I would be there in a moment. He has a way of making people believe he's turning around, then disappearing with the money he needed for "rehab" or "therapy" and we don't hear from him again til he needs his next fix.
No matter how often he does this, he's still my little brother. My entire life was spent looking out for him, protecting him, trying to teach him how to be a gentleman, shielding him from pain, and that bond is impossible to ignore. We don't speak anymore but if he came to me and appealed to me the way Rarity did to Sweetie Belle I wouldn't even hesitate to do what he asked. The phrase "I need help" sparks a big-brother instinct that I just can't ignore.
I found that little shift very believable, having lived through it a thousand times. Little Grimm can be a thug and a thief one minute, threatening to have his friends kill me, and the next beg for my protection, and as long as he *sounds* sincere it works. I'm not a sucker, I'd never fall for it if it wasn't him, but it IS him, he's my brother, so I keep believing he truly wants to change. That hope is what ties families together even in the darkest times, no matter what they've done to you. And the first time that manipulation truly manifests, you can't stand up to it. It's all over.
This chapter was absolutely heartbreaking, on a completely different note. I'm not gonna lie, I did cry manly tears of manliness.
It's really well written, I look forward to more.
929693
This has 0 to do with the story but you remind me of Sherlock Holmes
>And someday, sooner than we can imagine, YOU will an adult
Did you miss a word?
....I think I'm going to puke....I'll never see Rarity the same way again.
cant clop yet
This is defenetly an interesting read, but the concept is just... sick... it made me want ever so bably intervien, yet at the same time . Was ecxited to see it happen in my head, it makes one question their morals, causing this tale, no matter how sick and twisted it may be., into a great story, enticing the reader to feel mixed emotions about it all. All in all I applaud the writer for there skill. Bravo.
Dear celestia... I was unintentionally listening to Innocence (by Halestorm) whilst I read, and it was just too perfect for the story!
This is the most messed up and disturbing series i've ever read ... but it's just so freaking BRILLIANT
All of this accomplished just by giving Rarity her hellish backstory and incorporating it into Ponyville ... everyone is still very well in character and i can already see the downward spiral this is likely to take ... i don't get it and yet it all makes sense
That clenches it; Rarity is, now and forever, at the very top of my Most Hated Ponies List.
So, I thought I saw everything. I can read the goriest stories and sickest clop with a straight face. Hell, in my stories I'm not above killing ponies in a violent way (including, but not restricted to dropping bombs on foals, raping fillies to death or mind-controlling ponies to kill other ponies). Yet, Rarity in this chapter (and previous stories) managed to make me nauseous... Never thought it's possible.
And actually, it seems that I'm a bit like Silver Spoon. I just can't stop reading this story. Last time I was so hooked on the fic was when I was reading Fallout: Equestria. Good job
I'm drinking a Code Red Mountain Dew. I cried into the bottle. I
This is........... Magnificent on every level.