Pinkie, as a baker, can make toast. Once you justifiably discard Sweetie Belle, just about anypony can make toast. So what is it about Pinkie's toasting skills which has this new stallion so fascinated as to try and ensure she'll never make toast for anypony else again?
Well, whatever it is, let's just hope his obsession somehow gets him killed off before any possible sequel.
Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.
(Cover art by Miss Dior, found on Favim, located thanks to happy coincidence.)
Chapters (1)
Nice.
Also, just to satisfy a tired internet cliché...
FIRST.
Thus concludes Pinkie's first introduction to Coordinator.
But is she offensively pink?
Point for me.
...God damn it, Soldier.
We humbly pray to Saints Chester and Harold to forgive us our animated transgression, and look kindly on our return to the good book from heresy.
This is hilarious as I once said this, word for word, to my elder sibling. We were eating bagels, and they had cream cheese on theirs whilst I had peanut butter on mine.
I was offered cream cheese.
I hate cream cheese on bagels.
I looked straight at them and said those exact words.
Reading this line made me squirt milk out of my nose.
Thank you, Estee. Again, you have made me smile.
It disappoints me that the story picture has 60 pieces of toast.
Oh hey, it's another one of those jokes that's funny until you think about it and eventually you start crying. Actually one of my favorite parts.
Model T0-AST.
I'm not entirely sure what I just witnessed or if it goes against my principles.
It was good though, in a strange way.
yep, a complete and utter nutcase, and a very well done story as well. it was enjoyable and confusing
It isn’t stated as such, but this is now canon to Triptych in my eyes. This was wonderful. Though I’m surprised no one has made a toasters toast toast joke yet.
*goes over to Patreon and signs a contract for three more fics*
You have no quill Mark and yet you write. Your stories are offensively funny. All these things pretend to bring hilarity to fanfic and instead only highlight how much of the site is Anthro-tagged Halo clop crossovers. Also you produce too many words.
I require stories.
damn it, estee, always one-upping all of us with... with THIS.
Good god.
At last, we meet the one pony in Equestria capable of finishing that book. Or he might have been the one who wrote it, but I'm pretty sure that author's still trying to write their way out of the oubliette.
I shall never be able to look at heated bread products again...
PTSD. Post Toast Stress Disorder.
B-but... that's sixty pieces of toast in the thumbnail... ten columns by six rows...
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If you discount the 5 lightest (bread) and 5 darkest (burnt) you have 50 shades of toast...
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But why are those 10 there in the first place then if you're not supposed to count them
Well, that was disturbingly funny. I was smiling throughout, but I'm not sure if it was the good kind of smile.
For a moment, I thought you were actually going to make him a sympathetic character.
And then I started paying attention to what he was really saying. And then I remembered what you were parodying.
Seriously, though, I've not read the book. Is the dude really this... eccentric in the original?
...God dammit, Estee.
For Pinkie to criticize another's sanity is like Trump calling someone intolerant
That was weird and funny.
what does this mean?
Do you know what the funniest thing is? The good Mr Grey is still far worse than the lovely gentlestallion outlined here.
just seeing the title of the story makes me think of this
Pahahahahah!
Superlative, as usual.
I think my favourite line was Pinkie's moment of cognisence about her random appearances.
Also, was it just me, or was everyone else's appendages twitching towards the nearest weapon every time he said Pinkie was fat?
I'm not sure what surprises me more about the toast shading chart, the possible reference to Metal Gear Solid 2 or the definite reference to Team Fortress 2. (And now I wonder if there was some researcher who did nothing but teleport bread for three days just to see what would happen.)
When Pinkie thinks a pony is weird, Mrs. Cake, that's what we call a warning sign.
It's like a naturally occurring sports drink for them. And goodness knows they need all the help they can get in a realm that's even more of a death world for them than for most species.
Well, if nothing else, at least Pinkie got the idea for Bunnicula out of this ordeal.
Your work has produced very few lines that made me as uncomfortable as I felt after reading this.
Aaaand that topped it.
And I have to concur with 8455659. Celestian Black is practically a saint compared to his inspiration, though I do have to wonder about his cutie mark.
In any case, magnificent work, though I can't help but feel that someone should apologize to Pinkie in a more competent manner. Hopefully her children's book and the toast money make up for these indignities.
The story was okay, but i was very distracted by the FACT THAT THE PICTURE SHOWS 60 SHADES NOT 50
REeEeEEEeeEEeEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeeEEeee
Toast is a very important affair.
Wars have been fought, nations laid waste, populations displaces... for want of a properly shaded piece of crispy bread.
And in one terrible instance, a world was lost when mutant beetles desired toast above all else...
I would post the clips of Spoilsbury Toast Boy... but oh dear god... look them up if you dare. David Firth should be writing horror movies.
And now it makes me think of Salad Fingers... you've been binging on Firth's Youtube channel, haven't you?
8455542 Not if you use Common Core math! Of course, then sometimes you can't actually solve the problem cuz half the information needed is missing.
8455407 I require... macaroni pictures...
static.tvfanatic.com/images/gallery/south-park-moses.gif
I have no idea what the origin of this fic is, although I get the TF2 ref.
Or is it all a 50 Shades of Grey ref? I've no idea what it's like, except for its basic premise and inaccuracies...
It is still funny!
.
... This stallion... WTF.
Those nightmares!
That Stinger!
Typo:
familiarly-shaped plinths. Paintings
wtf
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the I Am Bread reference.
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It has been so long since I saw that. Thank you
this is a long video:
and that's where the gag about teleporting bread comes from.
believe it or not, when playing Team Fortress 2, occasionally a price of bread will pop put of the teleporters!
The cover art lies...thats 60 shades of toast, not 50.
Am I the only one who looked at the story picture and thought it was a waffle?
Is it wrong of me to read the stallion with the VA for Alucard from Hellsing Ultimate Abridged? Takahata101 ?
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Very wrong. This guy sounds very humorless.
If you look at the Pic, you'll find that there's SIXTY SHADES!!!! Not fifty.
Oh, they're going to have glue him back together....IN TARTARUS!!!!!!
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>And that topped it
Shortly thereafter, Pinkie topped him. With a toaster.
I almost expected a "Rosebud" in there somewhere, but this is entirely the wrong movie for that.
This story made me want to read Fifty Shades of Grey, just so I could fully comprehend the quality of your parodying.
Credit to Mr. Cake for the dad joke.
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There are definitely fifty shades of toast.
And then there are another ten.
It's 20% toastier.
🍞
the foto has sixty shades of toast not fifty
Comedy Gold is too much of an understatement.
This requires Comedy...
Toast
Never trust a skinny chef...
Crispied toastorgano-cabon foam makes an amusing refractory for a home forge...8455674
I think Pinkie would prefer the company of Mr. Haywood
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It's 50 in base twelve. The local Luna would probably approve of using a number system that would come more naturally to quadrupeds (and hexapeds in the case of pegasi.)
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Great so why the other ten?
theres 60 pieces of toast in the pic
i call false advertising
So the stallion seems to have a knack for hitting ponies where it hurts. Or at least, where it would hurt coming from somepony whose opinions they cared for.
Is that his special talent? Might make sense, given what little is given of his backstory.
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Okay now it makes sense.
Wow....just wow. There are no words...
Still a very enjoyable fanfic, but...just..wow.