Rarity has finally done it. Spike crush on her as gone to far and she nroke his heart. To deal with his emotion spike go to conterlot where Princess Celestrai throws a few parties to cheer him up. Soon the young drake find himself a big hit. invitation come in for grand openings, celeberty bashes, annual balls , and even private gathering of the uper crust. Spike is thrilled make new friends and unknowingly ends up making favors for his friends benifits. while many ponies are happy to have the new exotic dragon to spice up there party. other find it a tad annoying a dragon would be aloud in conterlot with so many important ponys. Other find this dragon the key to gainging access to not only princess Celestrai but to the ever alusive princess Twilight sparkle.
Mrof
Joined 8th Oct, 2016 ·
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Chapters (1)
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Not bad need some editing done but overall not bad. Hope to see more.
8455026
yeah im terrible at edit my own writting. but iwill be looking into it in the furtue. for now i need to work on the next chapter so there will be more.
Just the editing needs to b fixed otherwise seems like a good story
Nice story so far can't wait for.
Ok grammars is a problem but other wise not bad, hope for more soon.
8456460
yeah 'mM gonna need to find help for that. I suck at catching it myself in my own work.
...Oh... The grammar.
I'll start off by saying the premise for this is great. And the first chapter does a good job of setting up the scenario.
But the grammar. Ouch. This chapter was honestly hard to read at times with how bad it was.
Please get an editor before posting Chapter 2. Heck i will gladly volunteer to edit this for you as I have some editing experience.
8466052
if you'r offering to be the editore for the whole story thank you, i will gladly accept. Im still new to this whole thing and not 100% sure how to go about.
Holy bucking shit does this very, very, very seriously need an editor. It's so uneasily hard to read that I could not follow about a quarter of what was written, that being said it has Spike and Momlestia and an very interesting premise so you already have my attention. Get this fixed though, seriously. I'll be waiting for more, and don't give up, despite it's flaws it does catch the eye in a way.
8478402
do not worry. an editor as come forth and will be fixing this soon. did not realise my grammer and spelling had lessened over the yers along with bad writting habbits.
8478423
Awesome, if you need someone to look over your work I can offer my services as a proofreader but I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just excited to have another fan of Spike and Momlestia.
8478438
dont really need one at the moment but feel free to go over my work and point thing out. im ashame to say but i sucked at checking my own work.
8478458
It's what we are here for, helping people improve and get better crafting their own stories, good or bad.
We all are
Well, I would say it but I'm pretty sure everyone already has.
Still, in my opinion every writer should read what they've written to themselves out loud before they post it. I might check this out later, but I just can't bring myself to do it right now.
However, don't let that get you down. Everyone can improve.
FUCK grammar! Jesus Christ this was hard to read in every way. Use Grammarly, it may help you a lot.
As for the story itself, I think you should re-think your ideas and plan the storyline more. It isn't bad, the concept I mean, but the way you deliver it is cringeworthy at best. And Spike is a complete and utter obsessed creep in the way you present him. Although that may be for the best given the context of the story and how he can come to understand his miss-doings and better himself.
8478626
you already stated the the grammer. now how is the deliver cringe worthy beside the grammer? do i need more build up, ovver more world views? and yup spike is suppose to be huge creep at the start. is it realy that hard to belive when spike let rarity use him as a pin cushion?
8478609
yeah speaking out loud doesnt work best for me. my brain is wired differently and i dont always reconized what i say or read. annoying best that live. also lead to some hilarous conversations.
You need to actually know the English language before attempting, the atrocious spelling and grammar makes my eyes hurt.
8486811
you can know 5 languages perfectly but still mess up writting when your mind is wired differently.
Grammar wasn't too bad In all honestly. Seems like everyone's being a fair bit pedantic. I enjoyed the story so far and it seems fairly true to the characters. Please don't be discouraged by poor remarks and continue the story :)
Not bad
Hope to see more.
8478626
Don't use his name in vain.
element of generosity everybody...
8478626
Actually it is more attached to the original story save those words v;