• Member Since 14th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 29th, 2021

newHelm


Owner/operator of Newhelm Entertainment, a publishing company.

Sequels1

T
Source

This story is a sequel to Dust Bowl Dance


It's been three years since Spike and Big Macintosh joined the war. Spike has a secret that is the cause of his joining the war that he feels would destroy his friendships, but can it stay hidden? King Sombra has returned and has joined forces with the duke of the drakos. The Elements of Harmony are called in to defeat Sombra who is turning the war in favor for the drakos, and Spike's squad is called in to protect them. Sombra has a grudge against the purple drakos, and leverage.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 22 )

I have yet to read the chapter, but goddamit

AUTOMATIC fav.

This is interesting.

I am so glad you continued this. Mac's "dialog" is the best~

Two figures stepped past her and her corner as they leaned on the side. Apparently they did not see her "I know you don't just hook up but she was smokin hot dude.

Missing full stop?

"Ahh, well than. You are the bad influence here. You and that other pony."

*then

"Ah, ther is the horribly poetic Spike I know. How have you been since I last saw you?"

*there

"Little anymore or not, you will always be little Spiky Wiky to me."

Magic E's, man. Spikey Wikey.

I said 'she's a lady and ladies just find somepony, they find the right pony.'

I think there's supposed to be a "don't" somewhere.

Than we talked about boys in general and Rainbow went on and on about Sunrise and we all poked fun at her for liking a clumsy soldier boy."

Than we tried to see who we all liked. Twilight seems to like Flash Sentry and his guardyness. Than we found out Fluttershy has a little crush on Big Mac and I went ahhh!" She put her hooves to her cheeks and gasped. "Three of us like guard ponies! Than Applejack said she meet a colt at one of the ponyville dances that she's been writing to who was in the guard also!

*Then,
Also, Rainbow will be more than a little disappointed with Sunrise's fate.

well, so far i lik it :pinkiesmile: keep up t good work and can't wait for moar sometime soon :yay:

a good but, sad chappie :pinkiesmile::pinkiesad2: i'm glad that t girls got to see spike again yet, he was mad at them bein involved in t war :facehoof: also poor dashie and rare :fluttercry: maks me wanna slug spike on makin rares cry bout his well-bein even thou it can't be helped and r u any time soon goin to explain how he got his nickname? :unsuresweetie: i mean it's cool and everthin but, who gav it to him and why?

She has a thing for you. Give her babies, she'll leave you alone.

So true

ok, so rares now knows bout t dark magic and is gettin nosy :facehoof: great, lik spike doesn't hav anythin else to worry bout :ajbemused: also, who has he wrote to that she's confusin as he's special somepony? his adopted mum, her or somebody we havn't meet or forgot bout? :rainbowhuh: p.s. very funny on that "giv her babies" thing; poor spike :rainbowlaugh:x3

ok, firstly... :yay:x9 for t update to a swell fic and secondly oh yeah spike's goin to kick some dark pony's ass HARD :rainbowwild: pardon my prance of course :facehoof: anyways can't wait for moar :pinkiesmile:

A few things.

Firstly; where the hell is this taking place? You give no description or anything. I have no way of imagining the world when there isn't any description of the characters surroundings.

Secondly; When (in a technological sense) is this going on? from their equipment it seems like medieval but they way the combat is described it seems to be ww2 too now. Also, I highly doubt that a single squad can take on what I presume to be a heavily defended supply depot. Unless Spike and Macintosh are like the Adeptus Astartes fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/159/1/c/adeptus_astartes___demotivational_poster_by_paradigm_spirit-d52t9cw.jpg (these guys) I'm going to call bullshit that they could wipe out a platoon or more of drakos.

That's another thing. Who the hell are the drakos? Are they dragons? Dragon like? Humanoid lizards? What the fuck are they and why should be care?

While on the subject of 'why should we care' there's private Sunrise. You have him becoming fatally injured and then Spike kills him out of mercy. The big question is; Why? Why is he there? Is he there to show how Spike's personality is different then it is on the show? Is he there to show us how cruel war is? Well I don't know why but I can tell you is that it doesn't matter. Reason being is that we, or I at least, don't care what so ever. You need to have the reader emotionally invested in a character if their death is going to mean anything to us. Even when I found out that he was Rainbow Dash's boyfriend of sorts I didn't care. I just couldn't work up any sort of emotion when it came to private Sunrise because I didn't know anything about him. He died the moment we started reading and that doesn't leave any time to become emotionally invested, other wise it doesn't matter.

Also, you need to add more space between your paragraphs. It's not enough to only press Enter once.
Like this then indent. You need to press it twice.

Like this then indent. Otherwise it's still just a single body of text that no one wants to read.

You also really need to add more description. When Spike enters combat when attacking the compound I don't see that, all I see is black text on a white back ground. I have no idea of what he's doing, where he's doing it, what the depot looks like, and anything of that nature. You have failed to immerse me into the story. But do not despair, this is still salvageable. I would recommend, as an example, Equestria: Total War. It is an all around masterpiece that all other war fics should aspire to be.

With that, I leave you this comment.

Sorry for those who waited, it"s been done for months but my computer broke and I just fixed it. Got the third story close to done, but just in case, I'll wait and post it all at once.

So I'm gunna assume that we will get a sequel....................
And if so.................................I would love to help you out on that in any way possible!!!!!!!!!!!

10/10 overall story..................................fucking gold!!!!!!
:raritywink::raritywink::raritywink:

Ok, firstly, even tho somby wasn't defeated :ajbemused:; i'm glad that spike escaped whatever he was under :pinkiesad2:. Secondly, it was pretty amusin to see scalehead n' others cut loose kinda lik M.A.S.H. :yay:. Thirdly, altho it was funny to hear t others' two cents in spike's lil dilemna :rainbowlaugh:; i'm glad that rares admitted her buddin affection for t purple drakos :twilightsmile:. So, now it's just t waitin/wonderin if a certain old drakos king will be brought back n' what's in store afterwards :duck:

4273495 Mash Was Actual A Big Inspiration For All My War Stories, Not Just My Pony Ones. Also, Hawkeye Was A Pretty Much Stolen Character. Also Bj. And For Anyone Looking Forward To The Sequel, Sorry, Still No Computer And My Phone Broke, This Temp Won't Let Me Download My Writing App, And Quite Frankly Do You Want A Story With All Cap Words, Stupid Temp Phone.

4888958
Well, i'm still fine on waitin til u can get round to writin t sequel :twilightsmile:; i got plenty of readin stuff both to keep me busy :yay:

Looking simply at the comments and the numerous spelling and grammatical errors, I can easily deduce that your execution was sloppy and the concept amateur. Taking Inquisitor Roth's comment into play, this only further makes my thoughts solid. It would seem you do not take great care in explaining scenes to us, nor are you providing enough reason for us to care about select characters.

Then, I looked at the groups it was in. I instantly was informed that this was in High-Quality Spike Shipping(s)? An amateur who actually disappears for weeks at a time can even be nominated? This is why I demand stories in such groups require a level above simple membership.

Believe it or not, I am a professional writer. I don't proof read my fanfics. I use them for test of new styles and scenarios. I do so enjoy them though. As for the weeks, and months, sorry, gone with no update. My life is always hectac. I'm a horrific speller, spell check. As for that post, did he/she read the first story? Have you read both, or just going off one post? I describe nessisary sceans. Having been in combate, i can tell you, you don't look for posters, and that was the feel i was going for. As for the group, i didn't know, thanks for telling me.
5366867

All others, sorry I was gone so long. Hopefully I can post the third story soon.

You are an amazing writer who is capable of evoking emotions and getting readers hooked on your stories. Good Job. I hope to see more of your work.

Your stories are AMAZING! Please keep doing what you're doing!:pinkiehappy:

No comments? K...
good story my dude

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