Everypony has something they wish to hide...and Muffin Top is no exception. When somepony lives long enough, or are cursed with bad luck, eventually something scars them so deeply that it changes them completely. Growing up Muffin was a happy colt, but everything changed one day...actually his life was changed by two significant events. The first being his parents' death when he was young. It is the second event that our story will focus on.
This is a background story for one of my OC's, Muffin Top, as told by his cousin (another OC of mine) Bevan's (pronounced Bay-ven) point of view of a memory (in the most part.) It is also my first attempt at a fimfic, so I apologize if it isn't all that good.
Chapters (1)
Not liking... but not not disliking either.
At the end of Da's second line, you forgot to put one 'o these guys-->"
Near the beginning of the river scene there's a period with no space between it and the next sentence.
As how to make it as sad as you were aiming fo, more time to know the characters would help.
Keep writing and you'll only get better.
I rate this story...
3/5 moustaches
Hey it's bob, really liked the story and regardless of how it was supposed to come off as sad I couldn't help but think "hahahaha he killed nick".
Of course you thought that, but that's only cuz you know me in real life kohai.