Stolen

TBonded
MLP: FiM
Adventure
Sci-Fi
With 'Trouble' on the way and disaster laying waste to Blizzard's home she sets out to find her place in Equestria
Alt. Universe
Celestia
Luna
OC
Other
Crecious · 1.5k words · 372 views

Stolen

With war on the horizon, Celestia and Luna must find a solution before conflict threatens the peaceful ponies of Equestria. The last hope for Equestria sneaks onboard an enemy airship to find what secret weapon the Saddle Arabian's have in store.

Chapters (2)

The Pre-Dawn Light · 5th Sep 2017 · 756 words
756
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In the Darkness of Night · 6th Sep 2017 · 2,627 words
2,627
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Comments ( 9 )

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EverfreePony

EverfreePony #1 · Sep 7th, 2017 · 2 · · The Pre-Dawn Light ·

Interesting... I shall read the next chapter soon I can't really make any larger judgements just yet, but so far, it seems that a great and dangerous adventure lies ahead. You have made really good job emphasizing especially the dangerous fact with how worried the princesses seem.

coldsilverd

coldsilverd #2 · Sep 8th, 2017 · 1 · · In the Darkness of Night ·

Wow... defiantly a good start to what sounds like an epic tale. I'm looking forward to Bonded!

And hello Crecious. Fancy seeing you here!

EverfreePony

EverfreePony #3 · Sep 8th, 2017 · · · In the Darkness of Night ·

Sorry for taking so long to get back to this chapter It's a really great premise, I'm looking forward to the main story. I hope to see more of both Dagger and Spice there, for even this short adventure was enough to prove how skilled both of them are. And of course, I'm curious what 'Trouble' is gonna cause. You do well with descriptions, painting the atmosphere nicely. The downside I see are some punctuation slip-ups here and there, as well as some run-on sentences. Still, it was enjoyable

One thing my scientific mind can't keep out...

Moment by moment the airship lost altitude, and the less buoyant it was.

By what kind of airship were they travelling exactly? If I remember correctly, buoyancy is by no means defined by height/altitude as long as the whole volume of the body is in the liquid. Just a little nitpick, sorry

Crecious

Crecious #4 · Sep 8th, 2017 · · · In the Darkness of Night ·

8414774
Lol, you're right to point that out. It was a slip up and was only meant to stay in there for a bit until my proofreader, the editor got back to me about edits.
We both messed up on that!

But thank you, the next story will be as incredible. I'll work to describing things better and less run-on. :) Thank you for your critiques and I look forward to hearing your thoughts on future chapters!

EverfreePony