The Raritist Guard

Rarity gets ponynapped by unknown attackers. Looks like a bad situation, since crime isnt a common thing in equestria the guards arnt prepared. Luckily for Rarity she has her own personal guard overseeing her making sure she is safe at all hours of the day and night. Of course she dosent know she has her own personal guard. But needless to say they will find her.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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Nightsflash

Nightsflash #1 · Jul 18th, 2012 · · ·

dont u just hate it if someone downvotes a story without giving a comment..

interesting story so far.. would like to read a little more of it to form a better opinion..
what i can say so far is that you should use some more paragraphs.. over the course of the briefing it was just a wall of text slapping u in the face.. and i found a few mistakes like there instead of there are or w/e u wanted to say.. there are is the most plausible to me (“Check these two also; I know there big business and they may want our Rarity as slave labor of some sort.”).. for the storyline i need some more chapters (or one at least)..

would say keep up the work and dont falter because of people voting ur story down

Rose Lucks special somepony

Rose Lucks special somepony #2 · Jul 18th, 2012 · · ·

928591

So much for double editors. ( "check these two also"...I only see one thing in italics, assuming that means its wrong. ) Please indicate what the second one is, it would be very appreciated. Also what do you mean by w/e u...I don't understand what your trying to say....As for the rest of the mistakes i will go over it again tonight and try to find and fix them. Wish me luck as editing is not my strong suit. ( History is )

As for the lack of MEAT in the story i would like to formally apologies, this was my first time writing in present tense and ill try to improve on that in chapter 2. Which will be from Rarity's perspective, if i can figure out how to write her effectively.

Yes i do hate it when people vote it down without commenting, that's why i stooped work on my previous fiction. I was told it had better content but my editor left it so full of mistakes it was deemed un-readable. I even received hate mail for it. Some people forget that not everyone on here is a professional writer or editor, and it gets on my nerves when people cant look past smaller mistakes...But then again not everyone can read as well as me or you, and require the story to be perfect or they get headaches. Therefor i would personally like to thank you for overlooking these mistakes that are currently present on this story.

For being my first commenter id like to ask you if you have an OC, and if it would be OK to have him or her in one of the following chapters? Thank you and have a nice day. ...John

Nightsflash

Nightsflash #3 · Jul 19th, 2012 · · ·

931758 w/e is the acronym for whatever (and some others that dont apply in this case however)

the lack of meat wasnt suppossed to be bad.. this chapter is a build up for the story as far as i see.. first chapters in books from paid writers arent especially meaty either so its not a big problem in my eyes.. it just isnt enough to form a opinion of the story by itself..

as for my OC.... im not quit content with what he is at the moment (thats why i have a very generic unicorn as avatar at the moment).. would like to see him in a story.. but he isnt what i want of him at the moment.. but thanks for asking