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Yer invited. All y'all... to this wonderful, glorious cosmos filled with billions upon billions of fruit for all kinds of ponies to sink their purdy lil' teeth into. And not just any fruit, ya reckon? But somethin' that fills our tummies and makes our horse hearts soar to the stars.

Howdy. I'm Professor Applejack. And this is the History of the Apple.

Vector by luckreza8

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 78 )

Overhead, a winged lesbian skywrites a typo with clouds.

Oh this is gonna be a good story. :ajsmug:

Oh god, this will end well...

An adorable blonde farm pony—about the size of a domestic cat

Comment posted by durandana deleted Aug 20th, 2017

florida man writes pony story

A pastel-colored unicorn flies a kite, grinning with twitching eyes.

Y'all right there, Glimmy?

8376552
Yes it will.

Dear Professor Applejack,

How to use apples to see far-off planets?

This is going to be like the metatextual story with the weirdly formatted text with oomlats isn't it? Everyone's psychoses laid bare, but with Vaporwave.
upgoat

“But not our apple tree. No... our apple is an awesome apple. It reigns on heaven and earth with wisdom power and love. Our apple is an awesome apple!”

:trixieshiftleft:

8376680
puts on old preacher outfit
the apple works in mysterious ways.

Are you ok skirts? However fantastic this is, I am slightly concerned for your health.

Whoa. Trippy, mang.

Insert obligatory "Skirts wat." here.

This is a juggernaut of crackfic.

How have apples help ponykind in the way of Science? What fantastical discoveries were made because of the apple?
We must know.

This is it.
Take all my reads and a like. Goddamn.

Have ancient alien apples vised us in the past?
and did they do experiments to produce apple pony hybrids
miss professor apple jack are you and alien apple hybrid???

A zebra is dragged—kicking and screaming—to the local police department.

“Look around y'all.”

8376795

Hey, who needs therapy when you can write shit like this, eh?

And here we have Rarity dominating the hell out of Rainbow Dash.

...how much did Fourths pay you for this? I'll pay you more.

Dear Professor Applejack,
what do Apples do in their free time? What do they do for entertainment?
And how do they reproduce?

Had no idea what to think of this until I saw:

Overhead, a winged lesbian skywrites a typo with clouds.

Now I know exactly what kind of story this is gonna be :rainbowlaugh:

A zebra is dragged—kicking and screaming—to the local police department.

How does that even fit with everything

Edit: Typo has gone to the great apple in the sky.

This story offends all my sensibilities. This is generally a good thing. Thank you.

“But there's somethin' extra special about this here spry sproutin' tree of goodness. Throughout the epochs of time, it's outlived its surly... nastier relatives. I speak—of course—of the long extinct Anti-Gravity Apple... the Neanderthal Apple... the Whinnystreet Apple... and the Abominable Snow Apple of the Dreaded Lurch Kingdom.”

“Ahhh yes. The Apple Crusades. While it opened up the Hay Trade for freshly-bloomin' renaissance cultures, it was still a tragic and senseless loss of life. On... b-both sides. But in a few hundred years, after the bloodshed had waned, everyone realized... shucks... apples sure do taste a heck of a lot better than bein' sawed down the middle while a bunch of creepy monks look on! I mean... right? You can almost make a religion out of that!”

No don't

Goddamnit Fourths!

“...also feces!”

GODDAMNIT SKIRTS!

Hap

Oh goodness.

How many famous apples were there in the film industry?

Hap

I spent far too long staring at the .gif at the end while listening to the music.

Dear Professor Jack

How apples could a dashery dash if an apple could dash dashery?

What apple-centric belief systems have ponies held throughout history?

Dear Professor Applejack,

What sort of industrial 'applecations' are there for apples?

Take a gander at that. This here. That's food. That's for us. With it, everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone y'all've ever heard of, every equine being who ever was, munched out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in lurve, every ma and pa, hopeful foal, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species has eaten this--this bright red dot suspended from an apple tree.

Carl Sagan sees what you did there.:pinkiehappy:

While screenplays might be arguably against the rules, how could I not upvote this apple? It deserves every apple I have, after all, Apple. Apple apple and then apple. Apple apple apple. Apple. Apple!

~Tailsoapples

Skirts, don't get me wrong, i love almost everything you've written. It's just, sometimes I get the impression that you just put on a blindfold, drop a shit-ton of acid, and slam your hands into the keyboard until it wears off while somehow magically still producing readable words... :applejackunsure:

8376660
The term, good sir, is upboat.

In addition, it is spelled umlaut.

Cheerio.

Apples. Write that down in your copybook now.

"Professor" Applejack's "science" is shaky at best...

...

....

....


"...and feces!"

Something tells me that Twilight is gonna give Applejack a lecture after this is done... :unsuresweetie:

Just reading that title, I don't know why but-
There was a moment of clarity
Of wisdom
And what I could've sworn was an aneurysm but I can't quite recall the last few minutes :applejackunsure:

I'll give this a look

0

This is the new meta.

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