Trixie's not having a good year. The show's not earning enough, she's wound up in the backwaters of the pony lands, and soon she'll be kidnapped and put on trial by wild foals. Still, one does not give up when one is the Great and Powerful Trixie.
Inspired by, but not a contestant for, Manaphy's Unsung Heroes Writing Contest.
Please Note: This is a story in progress. The Mare in the Magic Hat was initially written as part of Calming Moon's National Pony Writing Month 2017. Final version may be very different.
Chapters (5)
This story is criminally underappreciated. I love the way you portray Trixie's inner thoughts, and your sense of humor and comedic timing are spot on. Trixie's dry commentary being infused inti the actual events and descriptions themselves is very well done. The only issue I have is that sometimes scenes tend to drag on for a little too long, but Trixie's input helps to relieve that. I personally think that having someone who she can consitantly play off of and who plays off her well would make for an absolutely stellar experience!
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I may not have many comments, but I'm delighted to find they more than make up for lack of quantity with their good quality. Thank you for the valuable critical feedback. It's always a pleasure!
Scenes dragging on for too long is a recurring weakness of mine, as I'm usually more worried about hurrying through scenes that need proper development. Well, that and sometimes I get carried away with background details: in hindsight, the worldbuilding of Part IV is a big offender here. I'll probably go back and trim it down at some point.
Also, you are correct that Trixie's character does need some company to work off of, since character interaction is a big part of any story (and one of my favourite parts at that). Sadly, in the original plan, I didn't settle on a single fixed companion for her, and it might be awkward to add one to the mix at this stage. For what it's worth, however, rest assured there will be more opportunities for her to interact with others as the story progresses.
Lastly, apologies for being so late. I took some time off the site to deal with matters elsewhere. I'm currently trying to fine-tune the next part of the story.
Saw this in your collection and decided I should give it a shot. Plenty of your other stories were great reads, and Trixie is my main mare, so the choice was easy. So far, so good. Not much to comment on at the moment, but it's a good start and Trixie's rambling is always humorous.
Moving on!
Heh. That's about where my mind was going.
Gotta admit, this isn't what I was expecting going into this. Not a bad thing, as getting the unexpected is a rarity nowadays. I'm curious to know where this is heading.
One thing I wanted to bring up though is why Trixie didn't try using her magic to get her out of this. It doesn't even cross her mind. Even a little telekinesis could have loosened her bonds. Perhaps she was too flabbergasted?
Anyway, onward!
Huh, a rather interesting mystery Trixie's found herself in. And miss kitty is only adding to it.
Nice to see Trixie warring with herself, wanting to get the Hell out of there but still wanting to do some good. Trixie's a complicated character under the right circumstances.
Looking forward to more!
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Delighted to have passed muster! This was my first test run with Trixie, and I admit that one of the reasons I avoided her was because I had a hard time trying to find the right angle from which to develop her character. Judging from your feedback, I seem to be on the right track.
Whoops! Oh boy, do I wish I hadn't overlooked that aspect of her now.
I was focusing on her as primarily a mare of cunning and trickery rather than of significant magical power, but even so that's an obvious solution to her predicament that needs addressing. If ever I come back and continue this (here's hoping*), I'll have to include an edit to that effect.
* The good news is that I do have a complete story plan for this, so the overall shape of the narrative is clear to me. The bad news is that I have yet to expand it to a full stretch of prose. That and I'm fighting off about a dozen other things after my attention, of course.
In all honesty, this is probably one of the most, if not the most, important factor that led to me writing this. She's not a standard hero by any means, but one way of looking at her Ursa Major story was to see it as an expressed desire to be a hero, even if only by making stuff up. And since she is a magician, and children especially are in awe of magic tricks and skilful conjuring, the rest pretty much took off from there.
I am very grateful you took the time to give me such delightful feedback. It really has made my day.
Awww, just remembered this story. Sad there is no new chapters, I was really into what was happening.