Wanna know the first rule to successful polyamory? Sharing is caring! That's what your six marefriends say, at least. And considering the lengths they went through to drag you into this relationship, you can’t really argue.
I think if he is civil and to the point to Rarity he could possibly get out of the rest of the dates. She would hopefully correct all of this odd behavior before something happens that Annon is going to regret. Like a shotgun marriage to Applejack.
Honestly, I think this chapter was a perfect break, and as you said, even if the dates are insanely fun to read/write, this is going more into the psyche of the MC and showing the development into the end product.
So while I was a little sad it wasn't the next date, the storytelling and setup was a great read, and the relationship with Spike is really cool (so many people overlook Ponyville's #1 non-pony resident).
You nodded and finished off with a flourish. “Yours truly, Herr Royal Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen of Nummerounoville.”
“…Bro, sometimes I worry for your sanity.”
“Don’t we all, buddy.”
I'm liking this guy more and more.
Also, Methinks the Royal Sisters are already informed of Sparkle's true intentions. Is it possible they also want a cut of the action (and by action I mean "Herr Royal Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen of Nummerounoville")?
Now he just needs to get threatened by Shining Armor, Cadance, and... let's say Blueblood. Why not, he's a royal too. Just let him say he'll be upset if his aunts get upset.
Here's a neat thought. Once all the mares get situated with the self-insert MC, Twilight should devise a similar plan for Spike and the CMC. After losing his boyhood crush, it'd be nice recompense to be with said crush's younger sister.
Great chapter. I really liked Spike in this chapter, especially how easily bribed he can be and how he acknowledges that Twilight could go bonkers about the dating scenario. The MC's letter to Celestia and Celestiams response made me laugh, so I can say that the chapter is great.
8401191 Oh, but he's going to meet Rarity very soon. Perfect opportunity to let her know her little sister caught the eye of this charming young drake, wouldn't you say..?
While I have been greatly enjoying these date chapters, your first breather one was also very good. Too many love fics get too stale by having the same shit over and over again (oh look they cuddled and had sex again....), and I find myself skimming the last few chapters. Looking at you My Best Friend, Luna
I loved your portrayal of Spike and MC's letter to Celestia got a legit lol out of me.
Are there gonna be more chapters like this once in a while in this story, because if so then that would be a nice change of pace for the story to add funny, human history or whatever dialogue to mix up the story's chapters a little don't you think?
I was a bit uncertain after the first chapter, primarily due to the heavy use of 'you' to indicate perspective. But that was greatly reduced in following chapters with an increased use of implicate statements for similar affect. Simply stating how 'you' think/feel/perceive things helped with the clunky flow of that first chapter and I can say I truly enjoy it.
I also like how you have incorporated the flash backs to show the kernel of each mare's interest. And I swear that mc reminds me of that guy from the Iron Giant movie (you know who I mean) and I find myself cracking up quite frequently. I like the fluffy romance stuff as well and look forward to future updates.
8404287 I've actually written stories before (both in and out of the MLP fandom), but this was my first foray into 2nd-person. This whole thing has been a bit of a test for my writing skills, so forgive me if it there were mistakes. I am glad though that apparently I've gotten better since the first chapter. I appreciate the criticism on the 'clunkiness'. To the rest of my readers, anything else about the POV that's throwing you off? Because it's limited to 'you,' I unfortunately cannot show as much... 'descriptions' as I'm used to writing. Normally my narration is a lot more verbose. Eh, give a shout if you have anything!
8402005 Any of the MC's history that's brought up will pretty much all be Noodle Incidents. Once again, as he's supposed to fulfill the broad strokes of the reader base, I can't add too much background to him besides more hints of his personality and general living conditions.
8401889 Not sure if you'll like the second arc or not then. Pretty much all either dates or semi-love scenes. Then again, the dates are designed to bolster camaraderie and affection between multiple members of the herd (Anon and two of the M6), so maybe it's more an exercise in romantic and platonic friendship? Lots of weird stupid shit goes on, mostly to fulfill the whole comedy aspect (hiho, slapstick!) At the very least, lots more characters involved then besides pairing members.
84014378401115 Oh... but where would the fun in clearing up the misunderstanding be? Also, Anon's not gonna throw Spike under the bus. Colts before... bolts?, molts?, do- I didn't think this pony analogy through, ignore me.
8401145 While not directly informed, Celestia can connect enough of the dots. Also, Cadence doesn't know how to keep her trap shut. As for getting in on the action...? Nah, don't want to overflow the chaos pot; though there is an AU concept I have if this ever gets popular enough... and I actually finish it.
8405952 wasn't implying anything about the MC, just maybe him explaining some pop culture today or something in the story. Sorry if I'm annoying you about the MC
8405952 Well, you know more about the upcoming story than I do.
That being said, even just the system you've shown so far has enough diversity to keep it fresh. Especially with the upcoming pairs of the mane 6. Once again, I look forward to your next chapter.
Nah, don't want to overflow the chaos pot; though there is an AU concept I have if this ever gets popular enough... and I actually finish it.
Nice! That could be fun. I'd love to see MC talk smack about the horse religion of the sisters. This has nothing to do with the fact that I made a half ass attempt at making my own story on the subject.
Oh... but where would the fun in clearing up the misunderstanding be? Also, Anon's not gonna throw Spike under the bus. Colts before... bolts?, molts?, do- I didn't think this pony analogy through, ignore me.
Pones before drones!
No wait, that's for Changelings. Hm... Studs before sluts? Not polite at all, but then, neither is the original.
8406074 Dude, as long as you're not rude about it, don't be afraid to ask me questions. I just misunderstood. But yeah, probably more references as I go.
PS. Make them cry, and I will banish you to the sun for an eon or two."
That would be around the point where i would nope out and go date someone else. No collection of women is worth this many death threats. Not to mention the sheer creepiness factor of Twilight in this.
Buck up, you old goat! You are much better than you purport yourself to be, and I insist that you stop demeaning the wonderful person that you are. You may be a little rough around the edges, but I know that there is an empathetic and kind soul buried beneath the dark crust you pile on your exterior. Twilight’s plan is a fine one, if perhaps a bit misguided, and I command that you enjoy yourself on these dates. Perhaps it will teach you a lesson in friendship you never knew possible.
Twilight’s plan is a fine one, if perhaps a bit misguided
a bit misguided
Misguided.
Celly, this is why I will NEVER spend a day in Equestria. I choose death by my hands. You fucking practically sanction this kind of fuckery on a daily basis when there is no reason for it!
Still, that didn’t leave me with much to work with after all the crap I put myself through. Just more questions and very few answers. Just how further down the rabbit hole was I going to fall before I was able to pull my scrawny ass out of Wonderland?
I think if he is civil and to the point to Rarity he could possibly get out of the rest of the dates. She would hopefully correct all of this odd behavior before something happens that Annon is going to regret. Like a shotgun marriage to Applejack.
Honestly, I think this chapter was a perfect break, and as you said, even if the dates are insanely fun to read/write, this is going more into the psyche of the MC and showing the development into the end product.
So while I was a little sad it wasn't the next date, the storytelling and setup was a great read, and the relationship with Spike is really cool (so many people overlook Ponyville's #1 non-pony resident).
I'm liking this guy more and more.
Also, Methinks the Royal Sisters are already informed of Sparkle's true intentions. Is it possible they also want a cut of the action (and by action I mean "Herr Royal Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen of Nummerounoville")?
Now he just needs to get threatened by Shining Armor, Cadance, and... let's say Blueblood. Why not, he's a royal too. Just let him say he'll be upset if his aunts get upset.
That cupcake bit made me laugh. Can't wait for more.
Here's a neat thought. Once all the mares get situated with the self-insert MC, Twilight should devise a similar plan for Spike and the CMC. After losing his boyhood crush, it'd be nice recompense to be with said crush's younger sister.
Great chapter. I really liked Spike in this chapter, especially how easily bribed he can be and how he acknowledges that Twilight could go bonkers about the dating scenario. The MC's letter to Celestia and Celestiams response made me laugh, so I can say that the chapter is great.
8401191
Oh, but he's going to meet Rarity very soon. Perfect opportunity to let her know her little sister caught the eye of this charming young drake, wouldn't you say..?
I like this story. I also like the timespan between updating this story. Take this :) its for you
I am torn between howling for more and patiently waiting for another indepth update.
Pen on anon, pen on!
While I have been greatly enjoying these date chapters, your first breather one was also very good. Too many love fics get too stale by having the same shit over and over again (oh look they cuddled and had sex again....), and I find myself skimming the last few chapters. Looking at you My Best Friend, Luna
I loved your portrayal of Spike and MC's letter to Celestia got a legit lol out of me.
Are there gonna be more chapters like this once in a while in this story, because if so then that would be a nice change of pace for the story to add funny, human history or whatever dialogue to mix up the story's chapters a little don't you think?
Best chapter so far love everything about it
Kinda-sorta filler, but whatever I still enjoyed it.
Celestia telling him to nut up was the best sorry buck up
I was a bit uncertain after the first chapter, primarily due to the heavy use of 'you' to indicate perspective. But that was greatly reduced in following chapters with an increased use of implicate statements for similar affect. Simply stating how 'you' think/feel/perceive things helped with the clunky flow of that first chapter and I can say I truly enjoy it.
I also like how you have incorporated the flash backs to show the kernel of each mare's interest. And I swear that mc reminds me of that guy from the Iron Giant movie (you know who I mean) and I find myself cracking up quite frequently. I like the fluffy romance stuff as well and look forward to future updates.
8404287
I've actually written stories before (both in and out of the MLP fandom), but this was my first foray into 2nd-person. This whole thing has been a bit of a test for my writing skills, so forgive me if it there were mistakes. I am glad though that apparently I've gotten better since the first chapter. I appreciate the criticism on the 'clunkiness'. To the rest of my readers, anything else about the POV that's throwing you off? Because it's limited to 'you,' I unfortunately cannot show as much... 'descriptions' as I'm used to writing. Normally my narration is a lot more verbose. Eh, give a shout if you have anything!
8402005
Any of the MC's history that's brought up will pretty much all be Noodle Incidents. Once again, as he's supposed to fulfill the broad strokes of the reader base, I can't add too much background to him besides more hints of his personality and general living conditions.
8401889
Not sure if you'll like the second arc or not then. Pretty much all either dates or semi-love scenes. Then again, the dates are designed to bolster camaraderie and affection between multiple members of the herd (Anon and two of the M6), so maybe it's more an exercise in romantic and platonic friendship? Lots of weird stupid shit goes on, mostly to fulfill the whole comedy aspect (hiho, slapstick!) At the very least, lots more characters involved then besides pairing members.
8401437 8401115
Oh... but where would the fun in clearing up the misunderstanding be? Also, Anon's not gonna throw Spike under the bus. Colts before... bolts?, molts?, do- I didn't think this pony analogy through, ignore me.
8401145
While not directly informed, Celestia can connect enough of the dots. Also, Cadence doesn't know how to keep her trap shut. As for getting in on the action...? Nah, don't want to overflow the chaos pot; though there is an AU concept I have if this ever gets popular enough... and I actually finish it.
8405952
wasn't implying anything about the MC, just maybe him explaining some pop culture today or something in the story.
Sorry if I'm annoying you about the MC
8405952
Well, you know more about the upcoming story than I do.
That being said, even just the system you've shown so far has enough diversity to keep it fresh. Especially with the upcoming pairs of the mane 6. Once again, I look forward to your next chapter.
Nice! That could be fun. I'd love to see MC talk smack about the horse religion of the sisters. This has nothing to do with the fact that I made a half ass attempt at making my own story on the subject.
8405952
Pones before drones!
No wait, that's for Changelings. Hm... Studs before sluts? Not polite at all, but then, neither is the original.
I wonder where Twilight has gone off to. Probably consulting with the highest authority on matters of love and sister in law if I had to bet.
8406074
Dude, as long as you're not rude about it, don't be afraid to ask me questions. I just misunderstood. But yeah, probably more references as I go.
That would be around the point where i would nope out and go date someone else. No collection of women is worth this many death threats.
Not to mention the sheer creepiness factor of Twilight in this.
MARIO!
Herr
Misguided.
Celly, this is why I will NEVER spend a day in Equestria. I choose death by my hands. You fucking practically sanction this kind of fuckery on a daily basis when there is no reason for it!
You keep mixing up 'I's and 'you's and 'my's and 'your's, similarly to this quote from this chapter.
Oh you will never get out of Wonderland.