Princess Luna is in the middle of a working visit to the farthest existing space colony of ponykind. An unexpected sandstorm forces a change of plans for the head of Equestrian delegation, so she decides to use her newfound "spare time" to inspect a local mining facility. Not everything, however, happens to be as bright as her host tries to show...
NB: While there is (almost) no questionable content (aside from some minor profanities), I still do not recommend this for children (hence "Teen"). Translation is now complete. At this point I have no volunteer editors, but the text should be more or less correct. Any feedback and reasonable critique is welcome.
Genres: Sci-Fi/Cyberpunk, Detective
Size: 50 pages (around 20k words)
Ukrainian version: FanFiction link (by Alex_Malkavian)
Thanks:
* to Kkat and FoE - for helping me understand such things are possible. And for some valuable details I decided to... er, borrow from there.
This fic has NO direct relation to FoE and its wonderful wasteland universe. Just in case.
* to Alex_Malkavian - for valuable in-depth edits during Ukrainian translation that changed the original and, by consequence, this English version, effectively making him my part-time editor.
Tracking beacon activated. I patiently await this fic's high noon
8297056
Almost halfway through. If nothing goes wrong ([insert sarcastic laugh here]) I hope to finish my translation to the end of July.
The funny thing is, I originally expected it to be two times shorter than it is now. Then again, I would probably have to strip it of many descriptions and sidesteps to do that. Old graphomaniac habits die hard :)
Why are most of the chapters so short?
8300469
. The original has no division on chapters as it is a story, not a novel, like, say, FoE or Horizons. Instead it is divided into "shards".
Cuz they are not "chapters"
One of my old problems when I just started writing was filling all the story time where I didn't know what to write in there. In the end I resolved this by totally skipping the "boring parts". That's where I get to put the magic "***". That's where the "chapters" on FIMfiction end.
I could probably split the story in a different way but decided against it. Every "shard" is logically a separate text fragment anyway. Besides it's easier to translate it like that.
Author's Notes: Alternately:
If that's not a secret, what language is original on?
8315239
Not a secret. It is -arguably- in Russian. "Arguably" because some phrases actually appeared in English first. Knowing languages is funny like that.
There is an ongoing Ukrainian translation as well. My own knowledge is lacking but a bro kindly agreed to lend a hand (a hoof?) here.
Unfortunately afaik FIMfiction is strictly English, so I'm still thinking about where to put it.
8315953
Thanks. Gone to read the original( Russian is my native language).
8313887
Yep, nails it, too.
The funny thing is, a Lunafag I know instantly dubbed me a heretic when he heard what I did.
Seriously though, killing folks for amusement is not something I do. I'm not nearly George Martin. One of the reasons I prefer the original FoE to Horizons (something that often results in folks throwing eggs at me).
8317169
With the story title, I was hoping to see some this
8318654
Sorry to disappoint.
Then again, an episode needs a song, right?
Lots of ways that conversation tree could have gone wrong. But it did not.
8335421
I honestly don't know just how much I abuse the suspension of disbelief here. Hard to say when you're the one writing the stuff.
Are there any serious problems?
Roll credits?
8337125
Yup, pretty much. End of one story, start of another. Hopefully. One day. Maybe?
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
8337316
I have answers only for some.
Celekh, in essence, is a banshee/undead. Think "Sylvanas Windrunner" from Warcraft 3 TFT (not from WoW), only even more bitter, rusty and screechy, especially when she is in her "bad form".
Flashlight is nerdy. He's rather young.
Serenity is... Serenity. He uses verbocoder to speak Equestrian, very "artificial" since it is entirely synthesised.
...anypony else?
Why are you asking anyway?
8335673
It's a reference, not a criticism. Any game where you have to choose which line to say and the wrong one ends you.
8341744
Well... Knowing Luna, there probably was an emergency plan in case everything goes to hell. Or half a dozen emergency plans.
But yeah, I tend to like difficult "discussion challenges", like those in Human Revolution. Many choices, different personalities. Knowing their background and having some empathy helps. Alternatively, you can use
Luna's mind scanCASIE