In the enchanting realm of Equestria, where magic and friendship reign supreme, a mysterious individual known only as Anon arrives with a singular ambition – to become the strongest protector the land has ever known. Anon enrolls in the prestigious Equestrian Protectors Academy, a revered institution where gifted ponies hone their abilities to safeguard the harmony of Equestria.
As Anon delves into the academy's curriculum, he discovers a hierarchy of strength that transcends ordinary measures. The Elite Ten, a group of unparalleled students, stand at the pinnacle of the academy's might. Undeterred by the challenges ahead, Anon sets his sights on claiming the coveted top seat among these elite warriors.
The journey to supremacy unfolds as Anon faces formidable adversaries, forms unexpected alliances, and uncovers the true extent of his own abilities. The academy becomes a battleground where friendship and rivalry intertwine, and Anon must navigate a world filled with magical trials, ancient secrets, and the constant pursuit of excellence.
As the grand challenge commences, Anon realizes that the path to becoming the strongest in Equestria is fraught with peril and self-discovery. Can he rise above the challenges, surpass the Elite Ten, and emerge as the ultimate protector Equestria deserves? Only time will unveil the destiny that awaits Anon in this tale of courage, magic, and the enduring spirit of a determined pony.
This is both an interesting, and yet boring concept for a story. Interesting, in that it's a story all about fighting, and a good action scene is fun to read, but boring as on the surface it's a simple story about a kid climbing the ladder in becoming the best at fighting. Don't get me wrong, I like this concept of a story, and have played around with it off and on in my own original works, but I think there's a lot of areas here that need improving before this story becomes good.
These are just my opinions, and you can do whatever you want. Just know that I speak from personal experience both in reading and writing my own stories. Let's begin.
1. This story needs world building. Understandably, you don't want to just give an info dump on the reader, as that's not interesting or fun to read. However, we need to know more than this is a school about fighting to be a protector of Equestria. What does that mean? Becoming a Guardian against...what? Bandits? Monsters? Or something else? Whatever you pick, there has to be a reason why you need to have school to train fighters for it, rather than having an army with some sort of established police force to accompany it.
Here's an example. Anyone can join the army, as long as you survive boot camp, but to be a Guardian, you need to posses Spirit Signet. The Spirit Signet is a mark on the body that signifies one of greater magic and power. It's been assumed for centuries that those who posses such a mark were chosen by the Spirit of Equestria to defend Her and Her people. Because of this, a college has been established to help these Spirit Signet guardians learn how to fight, protect, and tap into that magic that Signet gives to defend Equestria from the wilds of the Cauldron of Naknora, the heart of the Everfree where all the deadliest monsters come from.
2. Change the name of the Main character. Anonymous stories are typically human in Equestria stories where the human isn't given a name, so they're just referred to Anon. Having Anon as a pony...you might as well call him Comet Streak, or Blaze Trail. You see what I mean? Anonymous stories, from my experience of reading them, are either parody stories, or first person stories of a random human.
3. Combat. Despite the school being a combat school, there should be some rules on when and where combat is allowed. I think there should be a battle grounds, a quarantined part of the school that almost feels like an abandoned city or town, where all combat takes place. If that rule is broken, then the staff will step in, who are all not only S rank, but have some unfair advantages to quickly stop the fight. Other wise, you could have a class destroyed, and student casualties that could have been avoided.
Also on the topic of combat, be away you have to give every detail in a very flowing manner. You can see it in your mind, but we can't. We only read what you write. If you leave out how someone's hand starts glowing as they power up an attack while their fighting, when they punch a power bast, we think its coming out of nowhere. In this case, when you were talking about Gilda fighting, I had no idea she had a partner, and when AJ and RD came through the wall, I thought they were fighting. Also, even if it's not a realistic fight, don't say he just 'Blinked' there blocking something. This character is going to show growth. They might be BA at home, but here, he's going to be average. Maybe have a bit of an advantage. But still, he's not already at the top. I could see him sprinting to his friends side, maybe flipping over debris, and lashing out as he does so to give distance, but if you make him to BA at the start, he seems boring, and there's no challenge for him to over come.
4. Class Levels. The Ranks, or Class levels have been done a lot in anime. Some get it right, some, not so much. While it's not bad, it's too generic. Think of a reason why someone might have to be called A, B, C, or D rank. I assuming fighting, and beating someone higher than you will boost your rank. So why not just have each student counted and rank them that way. if you're 150, you'd have to beat another student to go up in rank. Depending how many students you have, say 500, each 100 have a color to them that goes with their rank. From the bottom up it could be Red, Orange, Green, Purple, Blue. So if you're a Green 55, then you're actually the 255 fighter in the school. Get where I'm going with this? Have some fun with it, and in this kind of environment, groups will be made, because while they all might be low level, they can still overwhelm a higher up student.
So there's some idea of how I think you can improve this. Decent start, could be better, but a start is a start. Hope this helps, and I'd love to see what you do with the story.
Good concept, nice flow just a tad bit confused at some parts.
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Thank for the info but like said if I can't find a editor and a proofreader this story won't progress at all.
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Editing is something completely different. I was just offering ideas for your concept and writing style, and a way to make the plot line better.