You don't know him, but you get the feeling that he's an asshole.
Due to overpopulation, Princess Celestia has decided to start putting forth an effort to find a new place to call home. She has called upon five ponies to go out and venture into an unknown world. Under the command of one pony, the entire team coordinates to find what lies beyond the portal and if their population can survive in the unique climate.
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I'll be following this, please continue
oh I wonder what the ponies reactions will be when they meet a pony in the other dimmension and realise that they are not nearly as smart as them
That's pretty good but more editing is needed.
The author is a faggot
0/10
8384097
Now this is what I call top tier feedback.
Not a bad thought but I hope there is a plan to have their names be used more organically later on.
so is the reason the over population happened is because of Celestia and co harmony baby proofing the world to allow this? things like global death tolls and natural death from age or sickness became rarer and even problems like a strain on the world's resources started to happen but thanks to magic bypassed the typical problems are normal earth deals with naturally just cheating life balance before nature could balance itself out letting the population die of either hunger, disease and tragedy kind of things even wars and dangerous conflicts of interest to opposite sides thanks to harmony, long lived rulers who control the cycle of night/day and op magic.
Proceed please
8417777
I will.
curse you tf2 I can not read the medic and the scout and not give them there voices
What's with the Author's Note?
8444199
I thought it was funny and I had nothing better to put there.
It was either that or I called bronies faggots.
8444218
Lmao k
oh boy wait til they find out about the show
This came out quick, it usually takes a week for you to get something released
Still can't wait for the next chapter
8446415
Yeah, I was surprised too. If you find any problems with the story,
don't hesitate to point them out. I'll take it into consideration.
This is some Terra Nova level stuff. +1
Well some one just might of found themselves a partner
Are you going to give the ponies names or are we going to continue reading [insert job here] for the entire fic?
I'm bad at coming up with names (oftan spending more time on the name than the char sheet) but I could come up with better names than that, or at least have them call echother Nick names (boss, scout, doc) but ether way please get rid of the [brackets] they disrupt the reading, and you can always change their names later
8467195
I'm not good with names and I'm even worse when it comes to pony names.
I don't know how to design a believable cutie mark either. At first the names
were placeholder, but my laziness has allowed me to create a reason for the
absence of names.
8467221
And what reason is that?
Also if you want names just ask, I'm sure the readers will provide plenty
8467262
Well, I can't just spoil it, now can I? It's part of the story.
poor brandon
Not sufficient reason. She just basically said, "Yeah, well, deal with it." It really cancels out anything good she says before and after this. They'd better pay Brandon a royalty when they leave to compensate him for holding him prisoner in his own house.
Or the police could be called, and then they get the choice between jail time or a shootout that they'll inevitably lose.
Names would be better than [The Leader] (for example), you should probably go here for help https://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group/forum
8553799
I already have a name for [The Leader], but I don't really have any names for the rest of the crew.
I want it to be clever.
8553802
Still, the group is great for advice and help
8553831
Thanks. By the way, how are you enjoying the story so far?
8553802
For clear naming convention, try to avoid having characters with the same starting letter in their name--that includes any "C" sounds that match "S" or "K".
So for now, Brandon and his friend Jake take away J & B from your choices. If the pony has a two part name (i.e. "Rainbow Dash"), you can reuse a letter for the second part.
So you'd need something like: Recon for [the Scout] (could call her "Connie" for short), Fail Safe for [the Protector], Deep Thought for [the Scientist], and Stitches [the Medic].
Hope that helps!
8553855
It's not bad, some chapters could be longer though
so basiccly to earn there trust give them coffee
he is either going to find a dead brandon when he arrives or he will pass out when he sees living magical ponies
Glad to see that some of my suggestions for names have panned out.
Second time what I've suggested to an author made it into the cannon of their story.
you know I thought jake would of been freaking out a little more
the government better get involved
R I P story