- Member Since 24th Dec, 2015
- offline last seen March 13th
Shadow of doubt
Don't worry you can trust me, But don't say i didn't warn you.
Shadow of doubt
Joined 24th Dec, 2015 ·
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This seems really interesting. I'll keep track of it.
Here, have a stalker and a moustache.
Shadow: Other than some pontuation missing, this is looking very good. I look forward to more.
Interesting...
At the end I was expecting Los Los Los
Hmm... Definitely has a lot of potential, the pacing is a tad fast but still reasonable, I also feel the story could use a bit more description of what's going on.
Could use a little more gradual worldbuilding instead of the info dump we got. If you were planning on a fairly long story I'd add in the struggle of getting into the military (at least a little more then what is stated). With this you could bring in details about the world such as the divide between the races. Of course these suggestions are completely invalid if this will be a shorter story or if you don't have enough time to write out extensive chapters.
8237194
Good point, I might be inclined to include a flashback of some sort where Scarlett explains how she got into the military.
while this has some potential for future chapters it seems to be following the tanya storyline VERY closely which kinda lacks creativity, Hopefully you can diverge from that a bit and I look forward to seeing where you go with it.
Copy paste The first episode of The anime
change stuff to ponies
???
Profit
8242432
eh about sums up the first chapter, I do plan do go off the rails though. psst, it's also the second episode heehe the first isn't the prolog.
When u update??
You know I didn't think this would be good but I was wrong good story
8429040
Thanks.
It's not dead! Keep this story going man, I'm super interested in where it's going.
Yeah don't stop writing these stories you tend to just stop writing them prematurely I actually really liked your story, Am I Living Lava? i thought it was cool and it had alot of potential
8524704
I do have a commitment to ALL my stories but I'm currently at university and well let's just say I don't have a social life.
I have drafts for I am living lava's next chapter and I remember you.
I plan on getting them out but it's a slow process. I refuse to be a dead author.
I'm worse, a slow author.
8524868
Haha alright then
Story has potential, but it's really unrefined. Pacing is all over the place and really lacking in "show don't tell"
That sounds like an awesome action scene, but you didn't show it. You told us about it, which is very clunky.
8621539
I can see your gripe and plan to go over that chapter in the future as of now it's 1:08am.
I like it. I'm interested to see how you deviate from Youjo Senki and mlp and what you do with Tanya's character in this world
I am interested how you will continue (if you do) this story . Its a great begining (even if people could complain on lack of details/accuracy i prefer the fact its not too accurate and not time consuming for a begining compared to the contrary)
9259298
How I wish to continue writing fictions Ive had so many ideas that I want to write into the story but university takes so much time from my day and by the time I've finished class or assignments I'm dead tired.
After November 20th I'll have finished my exams and uni for the year and I'll be able to write at 100% then.
I prefer not to write when I have other things on my mind... Not sure why but when I have uni it's always a taking about 40% of my mind's attention.
9259353
I hope you pass your exam with a great score ! And also have an good year so far until next time (and thanks for taking the time to tell when you are coming back !)
the fictional story has a good course but it is somewhat confusing the fact that at certain times it changes from first to third person without separating or notifying. We do not know how the story is told since it does not have a fixed or comfortable perspective. try to separate or simply stay more focused on one perspective than on the other.
9386722
Yeah I understand what you mean, I am switching to third person from now on however as it's much easier to write. If I do switch I will make sure to notify.
9387329
can you try to make a few chapters with one point of view. it's okay if you use firts or third person, use whatever you feel more comfortable.
I request more this is amazing I have been waiting for a pic on this anime forever
More please
9456830
Sure. Although I was planning on doing a rewrite, I feel like I've improved since I made this.
9457044
K
Nope.
9499712
Ok.
Some strange nonsense
Why would it, having faith in something that never acts is a waste of time and energy that can be used to actually solve the problems one faces
Wait why would his faith in you be restored, when his needs can be meet by the ones around him ?
9664336
Intro to the anime/manga, these questions will forever remain unanswered. (Tanya the evil)
Where's Trixie in all this?
9664336
That's what I was thinking!
"I have faith in my friends. I have faith in myself."
9664431
Early in the chapter or mid way rather, noted that she was missing, back when Scarlet was given her evaluation by icor quill.
Brilliant and excellent chapter.
much more balanced and paced, then previous, keep up the good work~
9670520
Thankyou, I try. Exams are tomorrow let's hope I don't fail and waste $21,000 of university courses.
9671362
This is a awesome story and i look forward to future updates, also hod did your exams go? I hope you did well!
9765189
ALGORITHMS AND DATA STRUCTURES: C
DATABASE MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS: B
SYSTEM DESIGN & METHODOLOGIES: B
INDUSTY PROJECT A: don't get results until I finish part b, but teacher said I did good.
9765191
Nice
A bit too derivative for my taste. Retelling Tanya but with ponies doesn't really work imo, having an eight year old child in the military works out in the source material because the empire was desperate and Tanya had magic, something very rare in that world.
But Equestria doesn't seem to be in wartime, and a third of the population are magic users. I might have accepted it if Scarlett waited til she was of age to join the military but at this point I'd rather just read the LN.
EDIT: I just saw that you published a rewrite for chapter one. I'll probably stick around now because the initial premise got me hooked.
9908622
Yeah, I can understand the disbelief, you'll find out some more supporting facts later on, but essentially this is the crystal war timeline, just a little before time travel Twilight came. So as of this chapter it's about a year or so before time Twilight comes.
Not bad. Look forward to more.
Want more, curious