There are things about being immortal that aren't amazing. Twilights friends passed away over a decade ago, and she still cries over them. But are they really gone for good?
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 18th Apr, 2017
- offline last seen Mar 30th, 2018
InkHeartBrony
I love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face but with words.
InkHeartBrony
Joined 18th Apr, 2017 ·
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this looks good
orig02.deviantart.net/a30d/f/2017/055/2/7/fashionably_resting_by_hillbe-db0abdt.jpg
8200330 Thanks! (Also, nice drawing!)
Hmmm listening
Wait are Rainbow and Fluttershy vamps or something?!😟😟😟
8200478
Well I guess you'll have to wait for chapter 2 to find out.
This is really good. Like for real, you have a great set-up here....don't blow it..........Does Rarity come back too or is she gonna stay dead?
8200505 then hurry up please!!,
Simply a perfect start...heartfelt and hits all the right notes
8200804 Thank you!
men live in the past to escape the frightful future
Am I missing something where's applejack?
8203707 that's on purpose. You'll know what I mean soon
On Hiatus?! WTF!
The language is perfect, but... I think I didn't get the point of this story. I guess it is more a musical play rather than a novel. I expected something like, twilight sparkle stored corpse and tried to resurrect her friends, or spike fall in love with twilight, from the tags. Anyway, a nice story, and I enjoyed it.
8236559
Interesting ideas... But I'm glad you enjoyed it!
That came to an abrupt end...
orig07.deviantart.net/93af/f/2017/165/5/e/cake_prank_by_hillbe-dbcp2vi.jpg
You have a very brilliant start here. The only thing that I really have to "complain" about is this paragraph:
In this paragraph, I feel like you do a little too much shipping at the same time. Sparity is fine because you take it somewhere, but FlutterDash has little weight here unless it goes further later. Cheese Pie is simply out of place, if that was meant to be ship fuel. I love all three of these ships (though only Sparity is in my head-canon), but just keep in mind that sometimes there are times when you should, and times when you should not, ship characters.
Other than that, you accidentally spelled "paid" as "payed" at one point, and at another point you called Rainbow Dash just "rainbow" with no capital R. The latter is just a stylistic choice, I suppose, but I thought I'd point it out.
Had to stop reading to make this section of my comment.
"It wasn't out of true selfishness, to live forever. Fluttershy didn't even know she would live forever after drinking blood. After that, she became a full vampire, she became young again and lost the gray streaks in her hair. She was just little old Fluttershy."
This is not how vampirism works as far as I've ever known. When bitten by a vampire, you do not go through age regression; whatever age you are bitten at, you are stuck at. There is no moving forward or moving back. This could, however, simply be a flaw in my education. Maybe I'm wrong.
Just finished reading the chapter and... hm.
You took a very... interesting approach. To be honest, I think I like it. It's weird, but it seems unique. There's a lot of thought put in to this, and this may just end up in my favorites.
Sorry about pointing out mistakes, but it's a habit, and I do it hoping that authors will learn from them.
"Fluttershy was hot as a vampire, which, always made her giggle."
You do not need a comma after which.
Welp, you did it. You formulated something not only original, but also of great quality. This is definitely something that I would re-read.
You did a great job of elaborating every detail, explaining why Applejack was not here and also bringing possession into the story. Great job, just, really great job. Only thing I'd point out is that Pinkie Pie still being here is unlikely. She would be more likely to move on as well, considering all her sisters and her parents.
However, that's all a matter of opinion, and it by no means worsens the story. It's grand just the way it is.
8529490
"Cheese Pie is simply out of place, if that was meant to be ship fuel." - it didn't age well xD
FlutterDash is weird, but that because AppleDash is now canon. And Sparity is the only one that didn't happened xD
11734898
Please leave me alone.
11735000
Absolutely, I didn't mean to offend you in any way, Cheers mate